Walking..

Hello Everyone, thank goodness for half term! For the first time in months I slept in until...7.36am on Saturday morning! So what have I got to share with you this week? Well I went to weight watchers and lost 4lb this week, although this is fab it seems to have been a green light for 'stuff my face with as much crap as I can'.
I have had a call from Bedfordshire sensory team to tell me that there has been a problem with processing my new aids so I wont be seeing anything of them until at least 16th June! I've managed this far without them so a couple more weeks wont hurt (for anyone reading my blog for the first time, Bedfordshire sensory team came for a home visit and are providing me with some aids to help me at home, they come to your home, assess your needs and talk about different gadgets to make life easier, they then go off and process your little list of aids, this time they are putting the money into my bank account and I have to order the gadgets myself, then you fill in a form with the item codes and price and send it back to them with all the receipts, this process is notoriously slow, but I am not complaining as I am very grateful for the support they are providing). I was also contacted by them to give my input into a meeting about the service and my experiences as a 'user' there are two meetings one this Wednesday and the other on the 23rd June, and I would need to attend both, they are in Dunstable, they would provide transport and would be grateful if I could attend as they feel I would be confident enough to be completely honest and open about my experiences....my first thoughts were COOOOLLLL, I was so flattered and my tummy did one of those excited little flips (I know, sado! I don't get out much!!)...then the 23rd June started flashing in the back of my head..mmmm...23rd June, what is happening on the 23rd June? I have to nip down and vote...oh crap, its my hospital appointment date, for a very tiny second I considered seeing if I could change my appointment, and then my Mums voice popped into my head, going, 'don't you bloody dare cancel that appointment' so I had to turn them down, but told them to consider me any other time as I would love to do something like that!
Thursday I had another counselling session, I don't think you get the same impact as if you were meeting someone face to face, however, the lady who emails me is very nice, and this week set me some homework of making sure I have 10 to 15 minutes each day to sit quietly and think about myself! OMG, how hard is that! Every time I feel my mind wondering I have to bring my thoughts back to myself, I have found it really really difficult, one to get 10 minutes to sit still and two to think about myself, how do you think about yourself? where do you start? I started thinking about the things I have done, but this led me onto thinking about all the people I have done these things with. so today, I tried to retrain my brain, and started to think about things like how my body and brain works, the clothes I like to wear, the foods I like to eat, I think I managed about 4 minutes before Ralph started whimpering for his morning walk.
I've been doing a lot of walking, if I am walking Ralph on my own I stick to my familiar route, mostly so that if I need help and someone has to come looking for me, I will be some where on that usual route, but my sister has been recovering from spinal surgery and is now very much on the mend, so we have been exploring all the field walks around our village, you can walk for miles all along the river and there are well kept tracks through and around farmers fields, my sister has a Dalmatian, called Pongo, who is, well, a bit crazy really, he leaps into the river at every opportunity and spends a lot of time running, poor Ralph is only small and spends his time trying to keep out of the way of Pongo's thundering paws.
My daughter downloaded one of these step apps onto my phone, at the moment I am averaging between 18,000 and 20,000 steps a day. It also tells me how long I have been walking for and how many calories I have burnt, so this morning I have already walked for solidly for 1hr 30mins, taken 7396 steps and burnt 188 calories, oh, and it tells you how many miles you have walked, so Ralph and I walked 3 miles this morning . Its over cast here today, and perfect lighting for me outside, not too bright, not too dull, it was a lovely walk and we even met lots of dogs and their humans this morn, some times we don't see a soul!

I have noticed on my walks that British Rail are doing loads to improve the surroundings for visually impaired people, new railings have gone up at Arlesey station as you come down the steps there used to be a very large high curb, even though I knew it was there I was always falling up or down it, there is a lovely bright yellow railing around the curb now all the way to where the curb lowers to stop curb crashes! The little things like painting a hand rail yellow makes such a massive difference...

when I had some mobility training, they taught me that if you are holding the railing, it should dip where you would be going down a step, then has a little kink where the last step would be and then the rail would be straight so you know you are on level footing, then another kink to tell you there is another step and then the rail should carry on down until the last step where it kinks again, if I haven't explained this very well, if you look at the photo above, this is a newish train bridge and shows exactly what I mean. Thumbs up to BR, shame they cant get trains running on time too, but you cant have everything I suppose!

Just a very quick update on my veggie growing, so we now have potatoes coming up, yesterday I put in carrots  and sweet peppers, every thing else is going great. we brought a little fire pit, mostly because my eldest has now finished school and only has A level exams to do then she wants to have a ritual burning of all her course work, I, on the other hand thought it would be lovely to pick sweetcorn, wrap it in foil and cook it straight on the fire pit.

The chilli's are starting to come up too, I am so pleased with it all, I never would have thought growing veg would be so much fun!

Tomorrow we are talking Ralph for his first trip to the seaside, so will pop some photos on soon, if its not pouring with rain all day, x

Dementia..

Hi Everyone,
I just wanted to share with you a little story that I was reminded of this week and its been on my mind ever since. I was listening to the TV one night this week, I very rarely sit and watch television, mostly because I am too busy but also because I cant stay focused on it, anyway, I wanted to follow that programme about the EU and the whole in or out thing.  It was very interesting and I have made my decision, although while I sat there I realised that the 23rd June is the day of my hospital appointment so I will be going down to the polling station 'blind' so to speak.....I hope they still let me vote! yeah, they should do, and its weight watchers weigh-in night, so it might be good if I cant see. I lost 2 pound this week, so I've made a good start, my bestie lost 4 pound, so she made a even better start.
Back to the story, so, after the EU thing, there was a documentary about Dementia. It talked a lot about how the partners of people who develop Dementia cope, and Angela Rippon, whose Mum had Dementia, had looked after her until she had to go into a nursing home. Angela took various tests and they showed ways of avoiding and coping with the disease. Towards the end of the programme it showed a lady who was running like a support group for people with Dementia, she was well dressed, funny and very capable....normal. seeing her in her surroundings you would never have guessed she also had developed some of the first stages of Dementia. In her own home she had such structure to help her, she even needed help to make a cup of tea, she would forget to eat, so every time she had something to eat she would leave the washing up in the bowl so she knew she had eaten, a empty glass meant that she had taken her medication. I was overwhelmed with respect and understanding for this woman, my sight loss is not a life threatening disease but it is invisible to some people. While parts of her brain are slowly dying mine are getting more exact, I am learning to work around things in the same way she does. It was very humbling to watch. when I went to bed I lay there for a long time thinking about it, I used to, many years ago, work in a residential/nursing home. and there was a very old married couple the wife was blind and when her husband developed Dementia and she could no longer manage, she wouldn't leave him so they had a double room at the home. He was in quite late stages of Dementia and would become violent towards staff, so staff had learnt to approach him in a certain way and to talk to him in a gentle calming manner. The wife who had been Blind for many years, could only remembered him as she last 'saw' him, as a young, good looking, happy care free man. When she used to hear the staff talking to her Husband in such a very gentle way she would get very jealous and would say such hurtful things to the staff, but she just couldn't see or wouldn't see that her husband was no longer the man she married all those years ago. As a young woman then, I found it hard to tolerate the wife, hard to understand her insecurities, I remember knowing that the husband was not a pleasant man, and I was ignorant in thinking that he had always been this way. How easy it is just not to care, just to do a job, walk away and collect the pay cheque at the end of the month. This couple clearly had loved each other very much and stayed together right until the end, I am sure she passed away before he did in the end, I wish I had talked to the wife more, had the time to reassure her and maybe have been more respectful towards the life she had lost.  How devastatingly cruel life can be.

Weight Watchers

Hey folks,
As promised just a very quick up date on my weight watchers meeting, So, for starters I weigh more than I thought I did, I knew I had put some on because I had been forcing myself into my jeans and my little summer cami tops I like to wear had started to roll up my belly, and I just felt horrid. anyway, my bestie and I were the first people at the meeting, with her help we filled in the registration form and went off to be weighed and collect our joining packs, the whole weight watchers thing has changed again, and where they used to use good old fashioned books to look through, its mostly been replaced with apps for your phone and recording your progress through a website. This for me is difficult, I struggle to use the computer, I like using Blogger because its easy and there's no fancy crap around the edges of the page as I write to distract me, sometimes I find doing my Tesco delivery shop too overwhelming, luckily there is a little tab thing that you click on called favourites and, well, it lists all the stuff you've recently brought so all you do is click and scroll, then I write a little list of extras and just tap them into the search box at the top of the page, well easy!! I did look at the WW website, and tried to put in my monthly pass code, but when it wouldn't go onto the next page I gave up! I know this sounds proper wimpy, and I will re do it but only when I am in the right frame of mind...so there! The interesting part of the meeting was, well, actually the meeting! Last time we joined we used to sign in, get weighed and run out, all done in 10 mins, this we browsed the little shop they set up that has loads of WW products to check out, then we got settled, I never do well at these things, and I turn into a bit of a critic, I know its the whole 'fight or flight' thing going on, if I act unapproachable then no one will ask me a question or put me on the spot. But, as I sat there and looked around at all the people moving around...wait, let me back track a bit, one of my old neighbours used to go to WW and I had heard on the good old village grape vine, that she was attending as a errr 'helper' I think you call them, anyways, as I walked through the door, I instantly heard her voice and knew she was the other side of the hall, so I called her and waved her over, in my mind a big TICK, I didn't want her to think I was ignoring her because I hadn't seen her, because I recognise people by body shape I was worried she might suddenly be a size 0 and look completely different, although she had lost weight, she was still the same person who had been my neighbour for years. So, back to sitting at the meeting, I was surprised that everyone in the WW team remembered and were pleased to see us, when everyone was sitting down I felt really relaxed, I listened to what everyone had to say, instead of thinking about what I needed to do when I got home, everyone was happy, everyone was proud and smiling, wanting to share their achievements. I am one of those people who sit on the edge of their chair because they feel that they haven't really got time to sit down and MUST be ready to spring into action at any time, but sitting their I realised that this was about me, doing something for myself, not as a Mum but as Lynda, its social interaction, I don't really meet new people because I am not a very confident person. When I climbed into my bed that night, I had a big smile on my face, one, because I am taking control of my weight again, but two because another door has opened and this time I am going to try my very best to attend every meeting and see if I can get around the WW website.
Today my girls were struggling with their moods, one was grumpy because she was tired after stomping all over London yesterday and the other was feeling low after the madness that is caused by the GCSE mocks over the last two weeks, so I bullied them both into getting up, dressed and taking the dog out with me, we walked to the Five Bells in Henlow which is about a half hour walk from our house, we sat in the garden and had a lovely pub lunch in the garden (I had tuna salad, wayyy healthy), while we were sat there my eldest put a step counter app on my phone, I am astonished, from the pub we walked to Langford garden centre, brought some more chilli plant seeds and walked over the fields home, we took 9110 steps, walked 6.0 km and burnt off 250 calories!! More importantly, my ladies were both in much better moods and were actually being nice to each other instead of trying to tear each others heads off, and we even saw wildlife, well, Ralph did, there was a massive Deer just standing in the middle of a field, the girls were mesmerised and I was straining to see it, next thing the stupid dog is bounding across the field to see if the giant fluffy thing wants to play with him, unfortunately it didn't!  Alice took some fab photos of it, I will see if I can get some for my next blog.

Poor boy, totally worn out!

I am ready for another week, I have more seedlings to go out and my counselling session that was cancelled last week is on Monday, so bye for now....

Sunny Weekend

Hi everyone, what a beautiful weekend we've just had here, the weather has been glorious and although we haven't had much planned I feel that we have been constantly on the go. Friday night the girls and I went to our local pub for open mic night....NO! I cannot sing, but a friend of ours can, he also plays guitar, and did a splendid rendition of Princes, 'Purple Rain' one of my favourite tunes!
This was also a good opportunity to catch up with my bestie sitting in the pub garden with a glass of something nice. I used to go in this pub in my younger days nearly every weekend and although the management has changed, the layout (and the décor and some of the errr, regulars, we'll call them) haven't, again I am always in awe of what the brain remembers, mind had remembered every step of the building, filling me full of confidence as I strutted my way to the bar to order drinks. It was a nice evening, and we were home by 9.30, pj's on by 9.45,bed by 10! see, I really know how to rock.
Saturday morning with the sun streaming through my window and not even a sign of a head ache, though this was probably due to only having a Archers and Lemonade and then a diet coke the night before, I get to thinking about my garden. My girls are teenagers so they sleep in till at least lunchtime, I am middle aged which means I wake up at 5am for a wee, doze off for a hour and am buzzing around looking for things to do buy 6.30am. So, you remember I told you about my vegetables going into the ground where the slabs were...well, it seems the soil under the slabs is only about a inch deep before it hits concrete, so after a quick shopping trip into town with the bestie, I walk Ralph and one daughter, only one because the other is still under the duvet, to Langford garden centre to buy massive pots and more soil

My sweetcorn, potatoes and courgettes are all in and my onions, peppers, chilli and carrots are not quite ready to go out yet.

So, it all turned out ok in the end, and hopefully they will all grow just as well in the pots as in they would in the ground! I also put in all the flowers, Mum gave me a load of Marigolds and I popped them around in pots too.

Sunday, was beautiful again, so after my Tesco delivery the girls, Ralph and I all went for a long walk over the fields and along the river where we live..

Needless to say we all felt a little like Ralph when we got home....

Unfortunately, this meant that this morning when I went to get up for work, my head was throbbing and my eyes were aching, I had crammed way to much activity into the weekend and although its fab to see the sun, it does tend to drain me. So, I stayed home, the trouble with me is although I am struggling I don't seem to be able to sit still, I had taken a drink back to bed with me after making sure the girls got off ok, and then because I have clumsy hands when I feel like this I knocked the drink all over my bed meaning...guess what? change the sheets, then, I might as well do the girls beds, although it took me twice as long as it usually does, I battled on, after stuffing the sheets in the washing machine, I flopped on the sofa and closed my eyes, within five minutes I was wide awake and wondering what to do next! It was the whole devil on one shoulder, Angel on the other situation, so ignoring the devil and the hoover I listened to my angel and routed around in my wardrobe for something to do that would keep me sat still for a while.  Then I found it....a Large piece jigsaw puzzle! I had brought quite a few puzzles when I was signed off work and enjoyed doing them, as time went on and my sight got worse, I tucked them in the loft and forgot about them until my sister asked to borrow one after her op (seems not being able to sit still runs in the family) anyway, I got comfy and prepared myself for being disappointed that I couldn't see enough to do it. I was pleasantly surprised, I loved it, it took a lot of concentration, but it didn't matter, there was no rush, the pieces are cut in to all different shapes, so if there is a piece that you cant make out, you'll be able to match it by the shape, also although this particular puzzle looks really busy, there's not a lot of one colour, if you know what I mean, there's not too much sky or too much grass, there's lots going on and that somehow makes it easier.

This puzzle is made by a company called HOP I think I paid about £7.99 for a 250 piece and about £12.00 for a 500 piece, I got them from the local garden centre and the Koi carp centre in Henlow, my photos don't really do the puzzle justice, check them out though, very relaxing, I wanted to have a go at the adult colouring books, but they are way too small and they don't seem to do them in large print...mind you I suppose they would be kids colouring books them ! :)

 I am due my second counselling session on Thursday, and although I am excited for this it has made me think about the past a lot over the last week or so, thinking about all the memories, changes and challenges, the ups and downs along the way has caused many mixed emotions, but thinking all this through has, sort of, make me want to change things... change myself, its easy to just accept you are who you are, but its also easy to tweak and make changes, and to have things to look forward to instead of living in the past, what is it they say....there's nothing you can do about the past, the future will pan its self out, so live for the now!....or something like that anyway. Sooooo my bestie and I have decided to go back to weight watchers, we went about four or five years ago, and frankly looked like a couple of hot babes by the time we were done, I recon we must have lost about 4 stone between us, so Thursday we will be joining again! And get this...they do large print weight loss packs!!

I will think very carefully about sharing my weight with you all after Thursday :)