Traffic lights

Morning all, I know what you are thinking, I don't write for weeks then there's two in one weekend! That's because I was sitting here thinking about out visit to Brighton, and then I was thinking about how many beautiful places there are in this country and I want to go and see them all, then I started thinking about how long it would take to visit all the lovely places and how much I could cram in before my sight deteriorates further, then I remembered that I have to go back to work next week, all this started to put me in a dark mood, so I went back to thinking about Brighton!
I was thinking about what a difference the white cane makes to me and people around me, I know people move out of my way, but its still a funny thing, some people, gently side-step you and hurry past, some leap out of the way like you are about to give them an electric shock, others give you such a wide path like I am a very wide load moving down the path, some parents grab their little ones and yank them out of the way while others scream...MIND OUT FOR THE BLIND LADY!!!! while their child continues on its path.
What I find amusing is the amount of people that just stop and stare at me, they look down at the cane and then their gaze travels all the way up to my eyes, where then I have a awful temptation to shout BOO, but I find it funnier to smile and say thank you for stopping and then swagger off swinging the cane with way too much exaggeration!
This brings me to traffic lights, which I find very amusing. so, technical stuff first. there is different types of traffic lights for different areas, some beep, some don't, some count you down, some don't bloody well work, but nether the less, they all do the same thing (except the ones that don't bloody work, they are shit and I try not to use them)
Next time you find a set of traffic lights, as you stop and press the button you will find little knobbly bits under your feet, this tells me that not only have I reached the traffic lights but the edge of the path is some where near by,  then if you feel under the box there is a little knob, if you gently hold the knob it turns when the lights change to green to tell you when it is safe to cross!
      
I had always been one for running across roads, a younger better sighted me would never have entertained waiting at traffic lights in order to cross the road, but things change, and I have become a user. If I stand there waiting for the lights to change when I haven't got my cane, people tutt, nudge past and rush across the road, the cane does a funny thing to people, I can feel people dying to run across between the streams of traffic, but because I am standing there holding on to my knob with one hand and the cane with the other, people fell they should wait too, and because I am a evil old bitch, it brings a massive smile to my face that I am making people feel uncomfortable at the traffic lights!
Having said that, the traffic light situation did bite me on the bum a couple of weeks ago when I was shopping in Letchworth with youngest daughter and my partner. For people that don't and never will know Letchworth, its a cute town with a big Morrison's supermarket and a nice selection of shops, pubs, places to eat and a cinema, Parking in the Morrison's carpark, you can walk through into the town, crossing a road of one way traffic, then a wide island of greenery that runs the length of the road with a few benches so you can sit and watch the errr traffic I suppose, then the other side of the island is another road with traffic running in the opposite direction. For as long as I can remember there was like a pelican crossing on both sides of the road, the traffic stops to let you cross, clearly I haven't been to Letchworth for a while, because as I approached the road, slightly ahead of my bickering family, I stepped out onto the crossing only to find a car being driven at me and a woman shouting out of the window that the lights were on green you stupid bitch.....well stupid bitch or not, I didn't see no mother chuffin traffic lights, as I turned back towards my two loved ones, they both stood there with eyes wide and mouths hanging open, I instantly tried to make light of the situation and held my hand s in the air and said, what???? where's the traffic lights then? Then this little voice pipes up and this cute little sixish year old girl holding her mums hand, points up to the traffic lights and says, 'there they are lady', that's when I noticed the path was packed with shoppers, all staring at me, so I just shrugged and said, oh well, at least I will know they are there next time, turn on my heel and marched off to our car....bollocks, that'll teach me for coming out without the cane, marching off in front of my family and not paying attention to my surroundings, maybe one day I will learn from my mistakes...maybe!
Speak soon xx

Brighton

Hey everyone,
Well. as my eldest was packed off to the Reading festival on Thursday morning until Monday, my youngest (who has proved not to be so young anymore, and is suddenly no longer my little 5 year old dancing around like a fairy, but has become a very confident, clever and beautiful young lady)
We booked into the Queens hotel and spa on the sea front in Brighton, and took the train from Flitwick straight through to Brighton, it is a slow train and stops at every station, taking about 2hrs 30 mins. As Thursday was a very hot day, the air conditioning on the train was working full pelt, for those travelling a few stops it was a relief from the heat, for us by the time we got off at Brighton, we were all suffering from hypothermia!
I love Brighton, we took a slow stroll down the hill and booked into our hotel, dumped our bags in our room and went exploring.
I used my white cane the whole time we were away, I know many people don't like using a cane, but I find not only does it warn people that I need a little more time and space, it gives me the opportunity and confidence to look around instead of watching where my feet are going. It also gives whoever is with me a bit of a rest, it means they aren't constantly looking out for obstacles, or getting cross when other people bump into me (cos that's what they do you know, I NEVER bump into other people!)
We walked for what seemed like miles, up little lanes and through pretty gardens. we wanted to go to the Royal Pavilion but ended up in Brighton Museum, now, don't get me wrong, I am sure this Museum is fantastic, but I found it a bit boring, the little descriptions below the artefacts were way to small for a average sighted person to read, we did find a area celebrating fashion...

we weren't sure if you were allowed to take photo's so we only took a couple!

I have always, as you know, struggled with using my disability for what I see as advantageous gains, I don't like saying that my daughter is my carer, because she isn't, but at the same time she is! I couldn't have come to Brighton on my own and would never had managed to do all the things we did with out her. So, for the very first time, I went in as a concession and Abi went in as my carer, I paid a grand total of £4.50 and Abi went in for free. So, I didn't mind leaving after 15 minutes, the things I did see were beautiful, some of the dresses were incredible, I found myself draw to anything sparkly or shiny!

We sat people watching outside a little café for a while, and then went back to our hotel for a swim in their pool, the staff are very helpful and everything is easily accessible.

As I knew it would be very busy in the evenings this time of the year, wanted to take Abi out for a evening meal where she could relax, so I found a Bella Italia quite near to our hotel and booked in advance on line. I also sent them a email, asking if they provided large print menus and also a well lit table. I got a email straight back from Jack saying yes to both, his staff know the menu well and they will be aware of me and help me in any way they can.

Well, from the moment we stepped into the restaurant we received outstanding service, Jack was unable to find a large print menu but took the time to chat through the choices with me, at no point was I embarrassed that I couldn't read the menu. We had a totally relaxed evening, sitting in the big window we chatted and watched people come and go, we watched the transition from day time family holidaying to young (and not so young) people dressed up for night life, fascinating to see that change!

Anyway, the food was fantastic, and the staff, who were working under tremendous pressure as it was incredibly busy, were attentive and respectful. As it got darker, the familiar pang of anxiousness reared its head, I do not like using my stick in the dark, mostly because it draws attention and makes my daughter and myself vulnerable, night brings a whole different meaning, everywhere looks different and sadly I find I am standing out as a easy target, as we went to leave, Jack offered to walk us back to our hotel, which was really very kind, but we walked back along the main streets and were back into the hotel within 5 mins.  Thank you Jack and your team for a smashing evening, we will visit again.

The following morning, we used the hotels swimming pool again and then went along the beach and onto the pier before it got to busy.

Thank you Brighton, very sad to go home xx

Doing nothing..

Hey everyone,
I just woke up and was laying here thinking that I haven't written a blog for what seems like ages! I don't know how these professional bloggers do it everyday, or you know these peeps that put up videos daily. What happens if you've had a week where bugger all has happened? Everyone gets those don't they?....
Then I got to thinking that bugger all has happened to me since we broke up for the summer holidays, and as we have only two weeks left I began to wonder where the time had gone, and surely SOMETHING must have happened in the four weeks we have been on the summer break, how easy it is to let time pass with out actually doing anything, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with doing nothing, and everyone should do some doing nothing, but if I do nothing I have this horrible sick feeling in my stomach that I have wasted time, valuable 'seeing' time, I spend all my time rushing around to get all my jobs done so that I have free time to DO SOMETHING, by which time I am too bloody knackered to do the SOMETHING I was going to do!.....
Now I am thinking about it, I have been doing things, I went with my Daughter to Woodbridge for the first week of the hols to visit our friends and get my boat tinkling fix, the following week I started to work at holiday club, the special needs school where I work provides a holiday club for the students for three weeks of the summer hols, its only three days each week, but playing is much harder than working, although I was working 1-1 with a child that I know well, I found it very tiring trying to keep him entertained, also as you know, I work day on day off, so working three days in a row only goes to show that I truly made the right decision when I reduced my days back in April.
So the second week of the summer hols introduced my to a young lady called Amy, my eldest daughter had invited someone she had met through going to concerts to our house to stay for a few days as the band they follow, now wait, they are called Don Broco, were doing four gigs over four nights, the first two in Bedford (where they come from) and the following two in London, Amy came all the way from Portsmouth, so I suppose it made sense for her to come and stay with us for a few days as both Bedford and London are a stones throw away from us, we also had another one of my daughters friend come to stay, as her and her family were on holiday in Ireland, she flew back for the concerts too. Amy was a very excitable young lady, not the most tidy, but how many teenagers are. Anyway, this took up four days of my week, as a fairly responsible parent I felt the need to wait up for them to come home, and ensure there was hot pasta and a drink for them to come home to at 1.30am, all this and working for three days did not set me up well for the following week where I spent half my time walking around like a zombie and the other half yawning my head off.
We did take the children on some lovely trips at holiday club, we went to a place called Jungle Jims, sort of a soft play, climbing around sort of affair, I find it so hard, and parents & carers of special needs children, I applaud you, to understand why some parents of mainstream children feel the need to move their little darlings away form a child that is dribbling or making funny noises, or stand and stare as we are coaxing a child to step into the ball pit who is screaming his head off, not because he doesn't want to get in, but because he desperately wants to but doesn't know how and everything looks and sounds different to the child that's standing behind me with his tutting mother, those children have just as much right, or even more, to experience these places, it gets right on my nerves! Having said that, the staff at Jungle Jims in Sandy, were extremely helpful and understanding, they came and found us to warn us that two people were about to come out with Peppa Pig and some other piggy costume on, some of our children loved it, and a few others were simply terrified, but because the staff had warned us we were able to occupy the children that we knew wouldn't like it and preventing any undesirable behaviours! They also have the best disabled toilet I have seen, totally clued up! Well done JJ's in Sandy, Bedfordshire.
The following week, we took the children to the splash park in Letchworth, another lovely day and a fantastic experience for the children, as well as the adults, for me, avoiding hundred of little people, in bright sunshine as well as steering my little charge away from these water fountain things that start spraying out of no-where was totally exhausting, and we spend the afternoon in a very dark room with gentle music, sensory lights, air conditioning and a few favourite sensory toys...well chilled.
The last day of Summer club, I got up early and took Ralph for a walk, talk about getting some inner peace, we had a fantastic walk, and although the weather wasn't at its best, the fog felt strangely calming, it usually makes me feel panicky, but maybe I needed the quiet time to gather my thoughts as this was A Level results week!!!

In the photo below there was a massive Deer standing in the middle of the field by the time I had got my phone sorted it had started to leg it, as I took the picky it was just in front of the telegraph pole...I think!

My eldest Daughter collected her A Level results on Thursday morning, Friday morning we went into London where she enrolled with the London Fashion Retail Academy to start in September! Very proud Mummy, and to celebrate we trashed Oxford street in the pouring rain...If you go to Oxford street, you just gotta go in Lush...its simply LUSH. Then found a nice quiet Wagamamas in Islington  for a bit of nosh.

So, that's how four weeks have slipped through my fingers, I have no news on when my lighting will be done, nor do I know when my consignment of visual aids will arrive. This week daughter number 1 will be going off to the Reading Festival Thursday and will return Monday starving hungry and tired, with a mountain of dirty clothes and equipment (but well worth it for the experience eh?) and Daughter number 2 and I will be jumping on the train and whizzing down to Brighton for a few days, speak soon, and I hope I have more interesting news to share with you next time x

Lighting

Hey everyone, its been another busy week, but I have news about the lighting situation! I told you about Penny who came out and did a assessment, but I don't remember if I told you about the electrician who came out via Penny, well, he did the rubbing his chin thing that blokes do when they are making out that they are making a super hard decision, then he said he was going to recommend that I have a lamp put at the front of the house which comes on at 10% at dusk, whenever someone walks up the garden path, it goes full power, therefore giving enough light for me to find the lock without getting in a panic and screaming and kicking  the front door. Honestly, my girls would tell you of the complete transformation of mood and character I have when trying to unlock the door in the dark, it pisses me off so much, I seem to transform into a two year old that has just had its mothers iPhone taken away. I have learnt to get the key ready before I get to the door and feel it, find the straight edge so that when I finally find the lock the bloody key is actually the right way up, AND get this, I know for a fact most of you will not admit to it, but you will be sitting there laughing saying, yep, I've done that....so, you get dropped off, usually for me its only in the car park in front of my house, but its dark, as you are waving off your mate and walking down your dark path, you are acting all cool, but really you are shitting yourself in case something jumps out of the bushes, you get to the front door and you cant get the key in the lock, the something you are imagining in the bushes has now turned into a fecking great Gruffalo and its about to eat you, you know any minute you are going to pee yourself, THEN the key slides into the lock and your home safe, stuff you Gruffalo, you'll have to get me next time! That's me, only the panic turns into anger and I end up swearing...a lot, and kicking the front door, my family have learnt when I get to that stage, NEVER  ask me if I need help for fear of loosing their own lives!! Well, that's not going to happen anymore, as the gentle light will get stronger as I walk down the path, so the Gruffalo will need to go live in someone elses shrubs (I did write bush, but felt I needed to change it to shrubs).Of course the other bonus is that when someone comes calling at the door in the dark, I don't blind them by flicking on the outside 100 watt bulb.
At the back of the house he thinks that a sort of flood lamp thing will be best, again coming on low at dusk and lighting up my whole garden (which is really quite small) when it detects movement. This will hopefully stop me from tripping over garden stuff and it will deter unwanted visitors jumping over our back fence, Ralph is crap when it comes to defending his territory, he barks twice then runs for his life!
Lastly he went into my kitchen, he looked up at the old down lights, frowned, then checked his paperwork....'it says here, you need strip lighting....why the hell do you want strip lighting?' I stood there, mouth open, gazing at him, errrr because I was told that was I needed!! He then erupted into a long rant about how the strip lighting is crap, ugly and a waste of time, oh and did he mention that it flickers so wouldn't be much good for me! why cant he just replace the down lights for modern ones, because did I realise that if they were putting up strip lighting, I would end up with eight holes in the ceiling where the old lights were as they wouldn't fill them, the whole ceiling would need painting, bla bla bla.......and was I aware how much down lights had evolved since I had the others put in....errrr nooo, sorry mate, the life and times of down lighting is not really my bag, but hey, I'll take your word for it, so yes please go for replacing the down lights!
He seemed proper pleased and then started going on about how there is three stages of light lightness! Yellow light, white light and blue light....which one would I like??? I am pretty sure my eyes had glazed over and I was dribbling, I snored myself awake, and said, white light please, apparently this was the correct choice.
Off he went to send a email to Penny and she would let me know how my case was progressing. The council have kindly  given my case a budget of £1000, and Alan the electrician recons it will come to well under that, so this week I am pleased to say that my lighting has been given the go ahead, so now I am waiting for Alan to get back to me with a date for work to start, I am actually very excited!
Also, the visual impairment team have been in touch to say they will be sending me a one off payment on the 11th Aug for me to buy all the gadgets I was telling you about, I think that has been about three months ago now, as soon as I get all the equipment I will do a 'haul' blog!
speak Soon x

Secret Escape

Well, its not really a secret escape, its a beautiful place in Suffolk called Woodbridge, my good friends went to live there about 5 or 6 years ago and the girls and I go to visit them regularly. Its such a relaxing and welcoming place and with good friends added into the mixture it makes it a perfect retreat for us.
This time only my youngest and I went as my eldest has gotten herself a job, and as yet is not entitled to any holiday, mind you I am sure any holiday she accumulates will be used for going to concerts and festivals!
Off we trundled on Monday morning to the train station to begin our journey to Suffolk, it takes just over 3 hours on the train and about 1 hour 30 mins by car. Going by train always gives me a sense of accomplishment and if the journey is smooth, its very relaxing. I can manage the first two train stations with out my stick but when I get to Cambridge I rely on the stick to guide me and my daughter to check platforms and departure times, and I am very proud of my youngest for being so calm and confident, it was a real treat to spend five days together.
Cambridge and my stick brought the usual strange looks, I don't notice them but my daughter was unsettled by the amount of people that hop out of my way then turn to stare, It doesn't bother me, firstly I don't even notice until its brought to my attention and secondly I don't give a flying fudge cake what people think, if they haven't seen a lady using a white cane at a train station before then that's their tough cheese, not mine. If I sit at home waiting for things to happen or for people to take me places then I will have a long bloody wait, so the stick/cane whatever you want to call it gets used.
The nearer to Woodbridge we get the more relaxed we become and all my thoughts, worries and irriations are left far behind, and then you get off of the train and you see this......

Ok, so the tide was out, but nether the less, we sat watching the boats looking stranded in the mud and  sighed a lot!

Joined to the platform is a café and guest house, it has become a bit of a tradition that is the second place we visit when we arrive, the first being the boats and water of course. its a must visit, food, service and cake is just fab!

The minute I am off the station my stick goes in to my bag, the pace is much slower, everyone sort of wonders about, and I am confident in familiar surroundings.

some things were new, like this....

Don't ask! I have no idea, apparently you can sit in them if you want too....errr naaa you're alright thanks!

As one walks through the thoroughfare, one passes The Cake Shop, famous for winning Britain's best bakery, thing is, the last time we visited, there was a massive selection of lovely cakes and friendly staff, this time they have had some sort of a minimalistic revamp, and frankly its not what is was, the cake selection was rather dull, and the staff we less than welcoming as they seemed pissed that we had interrupted their chat about what they had been up to over the weekend, However, tucked around the corner is another little bakery, with a massive selection of cakes, and the staff were so lovely, they even gave us tissue for wiping our sticky fingers after devouring their yummy treats (don't tell the weight watchers lady)

We had a lot of catching up to do, so this involved a lot of cake, chatting, relaxing, eating cake and relaxing some more!!

As always Daisy was delighted o see us and proceeded to follow mw around like I was a long lost friend. we had a lovely morning together chilling in the sunshine, this involved a lot of me rubbing her tummy and Daisy trying to stick her tongue in my ear and smother me in doggie kisses, gwad knows what the neighbours were thinking when they heard me yelling....I ALREADY TOLD YOU ONCE, NO TONGUES!!!

Over the next few days we went for long walks, ate good food, visited the sea side and found some truly amazing places.

We walked to a small Quaker burial ground, it is tucked behind some houses along the main road up from the town, there's a tall wall around it and a tall gate with a plaque explaining what it is, as you go inside and shut the gate, peace envelopes you, there is a huge sense of calm. At first glance it looked to me to be very over grown, but in fact there is a reason for this, there are many wild flowers and plants in the grounds and as you sit on one of the benches and enjoy the quiet gentleness of the place, you hear the breeze through the trees and the grass, some really beautifully perfumed flowers and the busyness of insects, this all forces you to look around and take a moment to appreciate this place and respect those buried here, I also found myself feeling that the people buried wouldn't see their living visitors as intruders but as visitors who would look at the Quakers as being proud to be buried here.

Do you know why they were called Quakers?? It was because as these people sat and prayed they sat so still that their bodies began to shake, or quake, hence Quakers!!

There was also a famous poet buried in the grounds called Bernard Barton, I looked him up, poetry has never really been my thing, but it seems he was quite good at it!

We also stumbled, and I say stumbled, because I always knew it was there but hadn't realised how beautiful it is. St Marys church, now then, I was christened a Catholic and I have no real interest in religion at all, however, I am intrigued as to what others believe and I like to listen to their views, I feel its important to respect everyone's view on religion, and these religious type have some amazing buildings.

I am a sucker for a old building, I really wish I had taken some pictures of the inside, but I was so mesmerised by the stain glass windows and looking at all the statues getting my phone out to start snapping was the last thing on my mind, a truly beautiful building, if you happen to find yourself in Woodbridge, its another must visit.

This week has really awoken my need to fit as much 'seeing' into my world as possible,  the need to visit as much as I can, there is so much to see...and then there's the sea!

This is Aldeburgh sea front in the evening, the sun was behind us, and although its a really Stoney beach, the sea is calm and strangely therapeutic.

This, however is Felixstowe, the same evening, about half an hour later, the sea is much choppier, and my picture didn't really give it justice, but it was a great sunset, sending all the clouds bright pink and orange, a perfect way to end the day!

But, the most important part of my stay is getting my fix of tinkling boats! I think the sound of boats masts chinking together is the most relaxing sound ever, it fills me full of a emotion I don't even understand.

Maybe I was a sailor in a previous life!

Now we are home and the washing is up to date and my food cupboards are fully stocked again, I am ready to go looking for more beautiful places!

Oh before I go, let me just show you this picture of a flower I found, I know some of you will think, yeah, its a flower, but you're not looking through my eyes and when you are so used to not noticing things, the things you do notice are almost over whelming, so enjoy my flower, speak soon xx