I don't really mind the hot sweats, because I've always had a problem with being cold, my feet and hands are always cold, so actually only having to wear one pair of socks instead of my usual three pairs is quite nice, in fact I have been known to go foot commando, and that is totally unheard of!
I know nothing about 'the change' only that the monthlies will stop and really, if I'm honest that's all I'm focusing on.
Isn't it tough enough that we, as ladies, have to go through periods, teenage hormones, pregnancy (I know some ladies have a terrible time through their pregnancies) etc, anyway ...ENOUGH of my moaning this is not even what I wanted to talk about.
Last week I took delivery of this little beauty...
This has caused conflicting opinions in my house, I was excited to have it but my girls don't like it, I don't really understand why, maybe because it makes my VI more real to them, and both my girls live in fear that I will be 'picked on' or treated unfairly because of my disability.
I brought it from the Macular society and I paid a whole £2 for it. Its not a massive badge, but it just makes me feel a bit more comfortable.
The thing is, I am painfully aware that I don't look like I have a visual Impairment, and this....well, this takes a lot of explaining...so, having a VI is a incredibly lonely place to be, it doesn't matter how many people, friends and family you have around you, when you are on your own you are totally on your own, no-one else can understand your sight, no-one can see what you see, when I have someone standing beside me who I can ask to help me, I feel safe, if I am under pressure or find myself in a situation where there is no-one to ask for help I have a complete melt down and my brain literally shuts down, what little sight I have disappears and I feel like I am suffocating. Having the badge to give an explanation as to why I am taking longer to do something, without me having to explain myself makes me feel more confident, I know that I we should never feel the need to explain themselves to anyone, but, some people are so uneducated and quick to presume that they just don't get how someone who is registered blind can be holding down a job.
Then there's the strange guilt thing I have when I don't let people know I'm visually impaired , I feel like I am being dishonest and deceiving the people I meet. This is an emotion I've never really understood, I cant make any sense of it so I give up.
Only someone with a visual impairment will understand the calculated judgements we take every day, the trust we have in ourselves and our ability to make these judgements is almost spiritual, I cant explain how I know how to do something safely, I don't know how I know its not safe to cross the road, another 'sense' kicks in and overtakes the other senses and gives you something to trust in. But for a person who hasn't had any connection with someone like me, they find it hard to understand how I am wearing my badge but can still carry two boxes across the shop and not drip up.
To be in an environment that is totally accepting, helps so much and I am eternally grateful to those people I work with for not judging me.
The badge is staying, I like the badge, and after all, its about me not about what anyone else thinks of it.
However, I DO get the down side to it, and I am transparent in everything I do which could give someone the opportunity to maybe use the fact that I have a VI as an excuse to make claims against me.
I overheard a interesting conversation yesterday when I was sitting in costa. So, there were these two people sitting at the table beside me, at first I was only half tuned into their conversation and couldn't really tell you the topic, until a couple of words caught my attention. It seems that these two have a colleague with a 'disability', their voices lowered, which instantly made me lean forward, staring at my phone to make it look like I was watching something...you know, like YouTube or something, anyway, it sounded like the person with the disability had been caught stealing from the place where they worked by one of the people sitting at the table beside me. He had reported what he had seen to his line manager, and left it with management to follow procedures, only nothing happened! The person who had been reported appeared not to be challenged. The other person at the table was already aware of the problem because it wasn't the first time it had happened and someone else had reported the same thing to management just last week and nothing had happened. The two people then went on to say how unfair it was that nothing had been done.....I began to wonder if this was some kind if social experiment....but, they continued talking about how if it was one of them they would have been sacked by now, but the management didn't seem to know how to handle the situation and they seemed afraid to challenge a person with a disability. In their eyes (the people sipping coffee) the answer was very black and white, you are caught stealing, you are dealt with as your company policy stipulates, everyone should be treated the same, and certainly not one rule for one and a different one for others.
They continued to talk about it for a while, they weren't nasty, they weren't bad mouthing anyone, they simply couldn't understand how this was right. And they are bloody dam right! How is this fair? As I sank into deep thought, they finished their drinks and left, disabled people spend a lot of time fighting to be treated the same as everyone else, so a company should not be concerned about challenging a person who has stolen from them, I do appreciate that I have only overheard just a small snippet of 'gossip' but its been troubling me and on my mind so I thought I would share with you guys, so what do you think about it?
I am off know to force some more medicine down a poorly Ralph...Speak soon xx
