Hello there!
What a very strange few months it has been! I have found myself caught up in a cycle of working and sleeping, leaving very little time to actually think about what is going on in the world, life has felt like a scene played out from a film...a very long film!
Seven weeks ago I was happily getting to grips with my new role at work, enjoying the challenges and loving learning new things, propelling me into a new and confident place that as you will all know, has been a long time coming from the awful time I was having before.
As things stand at the moment I am seeing this lockdown from three different perspectives
1, Someone working in a supermarket (front line as it is called)
2, A parent of a daughter working in the NHS, completely on the front line.
3, As someone with sight loss, or a disability.
So, seven weeks ago, I was trotting along in a flowery world of not really having too much to worry about, I could walk Ralph whenever I wanted, I could go visit my Mum when I liked and I was making plans to catch up with friends and family that I hadn't seen for ages, Yes, there was a rumble on the news about a virus, but...dont panic....as someone working in a supermarket, I can tell you, I have never seen such panic, greed and chaos in all my life, on one Sunday morning I opened the doors to hoards of people, they were literally taking things off from the delivery lorry as it was being pulled in, the shelves were stripped, and we just couldn't keep up, that week I felt ashamed to be breathing the same air as some of these people, the team were exhausted, but the public didn't care....they needed to buy 300 toilet rolls, 100 packs of pasta, 20,000 eggs, 20 ton of flour, 40,000 fags..ohhh and dont forget the 60,000 bottle of wine!!
From our perspective, we knew deliveries were still coming in, but the public got caught up in a media panic, and quite frankly, were bloody horrible to be serving!
I didnt stock-pile, mostly because I was spending so much time filling shelves for everyone else to do it, and it wasnt until guidelines were put into place that things started to calm, we hit our customers hard, with only 5 people in store at once, only 3 items per person and a one way system, this worked, the shelves were getting filled and shoppers became much nicer, we still get the odd ignorant soul, but most folks are happy with the arrangment.
Anyway, with all this full on shopping craziness, I found myself getting more and more irritated with people moaning about being stuck at home, bored, they can only go out once a day, theres nothing to do...when is this going to end!!
I just wanted to scream, just come and spend half a day with us, I would give anything for my daughters and I to be sat safely at home right now, everyday my youngest goes to work in a hospital, eveyday I worry she is going to become ill, or I am going to become ill and pass it to her...but hey, thats ok, so long as I am still part of a team providing the essential news paper or single bottle of water to the public, shame people arent thinking of the bigger picture....you come in for your bottle of water, you are a carrier, you pass it to me, I pass it to my daughter who then passes it to your pregnant wife who has gone to the hospital for a scan....come on people LISTEN, if you want life to return to normal, you have to follow the rules.
To have just 5 people in the shop for me has been great, I struggle with social distancing because I cant see how far away people are, so I suspect I am usually to close, from my disability point of view, this is going to be a massive set back for me, I already am finding that out of work, which is extemely familar for me, I cant go into other shops on my own, the new rules mean that shops have new layouts, I cant tell a memeber of staff from a member of public because at 2 metres everyone is a black shadow to me, the thought of getting on a bus or a train fills me full of anxiousness. I can feel myself being locked into a world of only feeling safe in two places and having to rely on my family for help. I am putting on a very brave face at the moment, but I am so scared of what will happen when the lockdown is lifted, I suppose I will have to start all over again, learn to cope on public transport, remembering that there will be more cars on the road, so I need to be more careful crossing. On the very odd occasion I do go out to do some shopping, I have someone with me but I am also relying alot on the sunflower lanyard.
All this said, I had a realisation last night, I sat quietly and tried to think about what it would be like if my lockdown was the same as all the people saying they are bored....anyone who knows me will know I am a outdoors kind of girl, I cant and wont sit still, so I do have empathy and I do understand, but people are dying and we must follow rules, so I must leave you now and go get ready for another shift.
Speak Soon and stay safe xx
