New years eve...eve!!

Hello everyone,
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, despite my continuous warning to my lot about not spending too much money on me it fell on deaf ears and I was very spoilt! I had a lovely pair of wellies, as the ones I had been using were my daughters that I brought her for the Reading festival this year and now have a hole in, I also had two pairs of thick wellie socks, which I need all year round, I have always had really cold hands and feet, you'll find me wearing two pairs of socks most days! Which is why Father Christmas put lots of pairs of everyday socks and woolly socks in my stocking.

 
Rubbish photo of my new wellies 😀
Best of all, I had a watch, not any watch, but one from the RNIB, ladies watches from the RNIB tend to be a little errrr aimed at the, sort of, older generation, I know I am nearing that sort of age, but I don't intend to act my age for many years yet... so I asked Santa to please look for a watch that wasn't too 'flowery' so the one that got delivered has a white leather look strap and a nice big clear watch face. I have brought talking watches before, but firstly, I find it embarrassing having a mechanical voice tell me the time when I am in a crowded place, a bit like that little button on your mobile phone which you touch to let you record a voice text instead of typing, which is a massively fantastic invention, and is fine when you are on your own, but not so good when you are on a packed bus and your daughter text you to tell you she in on the train to college by writing CHOO CHOO, and you always reply CHOO CHOOOO back, making yourself look a right Pratt as you try to whisper CHOOO CHOOO into your phone as quietly and clearly as you can.
Secondly, these talking watches don't like going around the washing machine and I am prone to putting my watch into the pocket of my jeans....you know the rest!

It nice to know my little family know me so well, as I also had fluffy boot slippers, fluffy pj's, a big fluffy scarf , two new coats, lots of relaxing bath stuff, some beautiful smelly candles, loads of chocolate and some pukka hand cream.

And to top it all off, we managed to have the sort of Christmas we wanted, no demands, we had a lovely couple of days curled up on the sofa opening gifts, watching TV and just being together.

Now I suppose we need to get back into some sort of normality and routine, but before we do, we need to see in the new year, this is something I have struggled with for many years, I don't like new years eve and hate celebrating it, I find it very depressing and would much rather be snuggled up in my bed with the covers tucked up tight under my chin, than out seeing the new year in with a drink in my hand. I find it very hard to describe my reasoning, its like the closure of a year is so final, I know its only a year, but while we were in that year we were safe, a new year brings new challenges, its 'new', unknown...what will happen during this new year? and the knowledge that there is nothing I can do to stop things happening, I know I am not making any sense at all, but I did say I found it hard to explain didn't I?

Maybe its the thought of starting another year without my Dad that is the underlying problem, especially as it would have been his 70th birthday in Feb which means he has been gone for 20 years! which is a complete bugger because it still feels like yesterday. Or maybe is the thought of my sight getting worse, because as the years pass, it will get worse...anyway, this year I realised I was starting to think about new years eve in August, how much I hate it, and suddenly I was aware that if I wasn't careful my girls would absorb my negativity towards new year and end up hating it too, so I booked us up for a night out. Tomorrow night, new years eve, the girls, mum and I will be attending a new years eve spectacular thingy! I have even booked us into a hotel for the night so the blind lady doesn't have to struggle getting three drunk ladies home!!

As any lady will tell you, a night out means a new dress, which means several shopping trips, my youngest daughter now has two dresses and I am told this is better than not having any!! Not sure my bank balance would agree, but there you go!

Today my youngest and I braved the freezing fog to go shoe shopping, which was very successful, as you all know, if I am in familiar surroundings and with someone I trust, I tend not to use my cane and today I witnessed something that has troubled me somewhat. Tesco in Stevenage, as you walk in through the doors, to your left is a little travel money exchange booth and then vegetable isle, directly in front is flowers and fruit and then to the right are the tills, further right is the what I would describe as the exit strip, and then there is the fag and lotto counter, so you go in, do your shopping, go to the tills, move along the exit strip, do the fag and lotto counter on the way out if you fancy it and exit out the same doors you came in. Today is Friday, Fridays are always busy in supermarkets so I was surprised to find myself coming face to face with a woman, her white cane and her 'helper' who was guiding her against the stream of people up the exit isle, I wanted to scream WHAT THE EFFING HELL ARE YOU DOING, but this woman and her guide were hell bent on walking into the oncoming crowd, she swiping her stick and he was shouting instructions over the shop noise. Surely, it makes sense to teach people to access their environment safely and with the least stress as possible, the woman was swiping her stick with such vigour that she was sending people in all directions, for me, I only saw her stick at the last minute and that was because my daughter slipped her arm through mine and guided me around her stick. The situation to many people isn't worth a second thought, but for me I found it interesting, part of me felt that they were pushing their way into the crowd just because they could, what is this teaching the woman? That you have a disability that gives the right and the tools to make people move out of your way? That you are adverse to what is going on around you making you ignorant to the other humans around you? The fact that the exit strip leads no where makes the situation even worse,  the woman was attracting lots of negative attention and I am puzzled as to why you would put someone in such a stressful situation seemingly unnecessarily. In my experience, and its just about the one thing I am experienced in, mobilising myself safely involves a lot more than grabbing my cane and ploughing through crowds of people swiping at anything and everything that gets in the way, for me fitting in to the crowd is much safer than working against it, that doesn't mean to say standing out is a bad thing, and maybe if I carried my cane more often people would have a little more patience and respect for me, but this works both ways, bugger I have just realised that my waffling on has turned from new years eve eve, into new years eve! So I must go to bed as I have a long day ahead.

FOR NOW I WOULD LIKE TO WISH EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU A VERY HAPPY AND HEALTHY NEW YEAR XXX

I promise to continue my rantings in the 2017, all the very best, speak soon xx

Christmas Eve, Eve

Hello Everyone,
I am so very lucky to say I have a whole day with nothing planned, which is just as well as the weather is miserable!
I finished work for the Christmas holidays on Wednesday, spent all day, and I mean all day, yesterday catching up with housework and last minute shopping, I even managed to fit in a long dog walk.
Wednesday night, Mum, the girls and I went to our local church for the carol service, I used to take the girls when they were small, but over the last few years it has gone forgotten.
This year, however, I feel the need for some tradition, with all that has happened this year it feels slightly wrong to be celebrating a religious festival that seems to have got lost along the way.
Christmas seems to have turned into a frenzy of greed and gluttony, most of us are spending these last few days rushing around buying enough food to feed a small army for one day, all for it to go out of date on the 27th and end up in the bin,
I watched a woman yesterday ramming her shopping trolley full of half price gifts...because they are half price...and for a second I thought, ohhh god, perhaps I haven't brought enough for my girls, perhaps I should be charging around the shops grabbing anything that makes the pile of gifts under the Christmas tree look bigger!
I could throw more money at buying more rubbish, but actually what difference would that make? I love my little family unconditionally and how many gifts are under the tree will not change that, I show how important they are to me everyday not by showering them with gifts they don't want or need but by being there for them, listening and supporting them and spend time together. For me, this is what Christmas day will be about this year, not what's under the tree but just being together.
Anyway, enough of the soft crap, I was telling you about going to the Carol service. The church is a two minute walk away from my house, so we left about 6.30 for a 7pm start....I know!!! but apparently you have to go early to get a good seat! Is there such a thing in a cold old church?/
As we approached there was this old man dragging himself toward the church door he really wasn't walking very well and he was very out of breath, I recognised him as John who lives in the flats near my house, so I went into what some people might call nosy old cow mode, others might say I was being kind, I walked up to John and asked if he needed my arm to help him get into church, which he accepted very happily. As I walked in, lots of people said hello to John but no one offered to help him, I was mildly disappointed that although he seemed a popular fella there seemed a lack of community spirit.
I left John sitting on a 'comfy' chair, and went off to sit with Mum and the girls. we had our candles lit, sung carols and listened to readings...I am a little ashamed to confess that I didn't really care much for the readings, but singing along to the carols despite the fact that the print on the carol sheet was too small for me to read and we were singing by candle light made no difference, I still enjoyed it.
Tea and mince pies were offered after so I got John a cup of tea and set him up with a mince pie, and he asked me to walk him home, to which, without even thinking about it, I replied..'of course'.
It wasn't until I had John hanging off of my arm and we were both trying to navigate the big concrete steps at the front door of the church that it suddenly dawned on me!!!
WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING....Its pitch black outside, I have trouble seeing where I am going myself, how on earth am I going to get John safely home??
Actually we did really well, John walked very slowly which was a good job really. Although now that I think about it, I was a bit stupid really and I feel I have opened myself up to a whole can of worms. Why did I think it was ok for me to walk John home? Supposing I had fallen? he definitely would have come down with me, and what if he had ended up in hospital? even worse I could have been responsible for something that I don't want to think about, and it would have been my fault, how would I have lived with myself.
At the end of the day, or night! all ended well, and John got through his front door without hitch, but once again I have learnt yet another lesson.
That was lesson number two of the week, lesson number one came last Saturday when I walked Ralph around to our local shop to buy a holy wreath to take to the cemetery for my Dad, I thought Ralph and I would then walk from the shop straight to the cemetery, its getting on for about a three mile walk I should think. I didn't get far before the wreath jabbing into my leg every time it got caught on Ralphs lead was driving me mad, I saw some people standing at the bus stop and was delighted to remember my bus pass was in my pocket, so Ralph, the wreath and I caught the bus to the cemetery, perfect. I spent sometime having a chat with Dad and pulling a few weeds.
I quite like going to visit Dad but have always struggled with leaving, I hate the thought of walking away and leaving him there, so when the time comes to go, I do it hurriedly, Ralph was a massive distraction but I still needed to pull a tissue out of my coat pocket as I went through the gates, I got half way home and a something in my head was shouting...WHERE'S YOUR BUS PASS???
 Shit, I must have checked my pockets a million times, but I had dropped it somewhere, as I walked home I could hear a bus coming along the road behind me, wait...its the same bus I caught coming back through the village, so I waved it down and asked the bus driver if I could check to see if I had dropped it, I didn't find it and despite the bus driver offering to drop me off at the top of the village at the bus stop near my home, I got off and walked the rest of the way, knowing the bloody thing had fallen out of my pocket when I had pulled out my tissue.
I did think about walking back and looking for it, but it was foggy and very cold, and Ralph is very small, so I went home. I looked into requesting a new one on line, but I was gutted, I know its only a bus pass, but I felt like I had lost a massive slice of independence, I can go anywhere on that bus pass, without a penny in my pocket, even if I need to go to the doctors I can jump on a bus!
It put me in a mood for the rest of the day, my daughter wrote a message on our village Facebook page asking people to look out for it, and Sunday night at about 11pm, a lady messaged back saying she had seen my bus pass, it was on the wall at the cemetery, I couldn't sleep I was so excited, first thing Monday morning I got a lift down to the cemetery and there it was...I cant tell you how pleased I was and still am!
So lesson number one was be more careful with my bus pass and try to be braver when leaving the cemetery!

Although he had his coat on and was toasty warm, it would have exhausted him to walk all the way back to the cemetery and then all the way home again!!

Well, youngest daughter and I are about to watch Home Alone 2, so I would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and wise new year xxx

My xmas Decs!!

Hello everyone,
Once again the blogging seems to have been pushed down on the list of things I need to do, but I hope this blog finds you all safe and well?
Being that crazy time of the year again, I find I can only focus on shopping, as you all know, Mum starts marching me around the shops in the middle of October trying to get me organised as come the beginning of December its just far to busy...for me anyway!
I dunno, this year, its just not really felt like Christmas in the shops, Mum and I went into Peterborough on the train in the last week of November, John Lewis just didn't have that Christmas buzz like it usually does and I think their festive stuff is the same old crap they bring out every year. For years and years, I have brought the Barnardo's mugs they sell, and they are always really eye catching, this year they have the dog on from their advert bouncing on some kids trampoline, and frankly, they just don't fit the bill, so I stuck £20 in the Barnardo's collection box instead.
Maybe its just me but everything seems half hearted, it has really been a dreadful year with one thing and another, and I have heard many people saying they cant wait for January to roll itself around, or maybe..just maybe I am getting old!
Peterborough decs weren't bad....

See, it wasn't too busy and I stood for ages watching the 'light tree' and all the people walking by, whilst Mum took herself around M&S.

Despite the lack of enthusiasm I have for Christmas and the total chaos that's been going on around me the last few weeks, the girls and I have made our house into a real grotto.

Lights in the garden trees...

Conservatory, looks festive...

Ralph has got his very own tree beside his bed...

And finally my living room with my big tree..

Nothing nicer than sitting with in the dark with just the Christmas tree lights on, watching a Christmas movie with my girls and Ralph.

Remember how I told you before about the whole blue badge thing, how I hated it and really didn't want it, it came anyway and I stuffed it in a draw and use it very rarely?

Last week, I needed to nip into Hitchin to pick up my daughters contact lenses, I would usually pop in on the bus, but I have been having trouble with my blood pressure falling too low and I just felt light headed and a bit wobbly.

Added to this lovely Tuesday morning was bright brilliant sunshine after a heavy frost, and well to be honest when a lift was offered I took it, grabbing my blue badge for parking as we went out the door. we parked in a disabled space near to the town and displayed my badge, in the half anhour it took to walk around to collect contact lenses and walk back to the car, a traffic warden had slapped a ticket on the car.....it took me a while to figure out why we got the ticket....

It seems my badge is a good 21 months out of date, I never even noticed, I rarely use it, I haven't received a reminder for renewal, I do feel a little cheated, but I paid the £35 and put it in the box in my head of all the things I wont let happen again, when I got home I got on to renewing it, after ages on the computer, I discovered that it will cost me another £10!!

The moral of the story is, if you are a blue badge owner...check the bloody expiry date cos them buggers ent gonna remind you when its time to renew!

All this kinda killed my mood for a quiet and lovely day out with the other half, instead we both got cranky, stomped around a garden centre, had breakfast in their café and went home!

Speaking of the delightful central Bedfordshire council, they actually managed to come out and replace the concrete slabs behind my garden gate which we use to access our back garden, tree roots had pushed them in all directions and I kept tripping over them when I went out to the bins, they do look rather lovely now, all straight and flat....nearly makes me want to sweep them, but after a few seconds the feeling wears off...luckily!

Speak soon x