Good Morning everyone,
Thank goodness its half term, its been a stupidly busy week for me! My eldest daughter passed her driving test on Monday, and my youngest is now half way through her GCSE exams, she has 23 exams over four weeks, when I was at school, you had 9 and that was that, maybe we did more course work back then, things change, but all that was overshadowed by the bombing in Manchester, to aim this hate at young children, teenage girls is beyond any words, it has entered the thoughts of every single person across the country through this week from every angle, I have looked at my children, my nieces and nephew, my friends children and thought...this could have been you.
I know I have cried for the pain those children felt at the time and the lasting effects this will have on them, for the families left without loved ones and for all the emergency services, the doctors and nurses who dealt with the casualties and their families and for their individual personal pain that each and everyone took home with them that night and the thoughts and images that they will be reminded of for weeks to come, for the singer whose concert it was, for her pain, the guilt she feels, she is only a young girl herself.
Out of all this despair, anger and devastation, there was glowing proudness, all the taxi drivers, all those hotel owners, the general public opening their hearts and doors to help people get off the streets, making people safe, providing warmth, food, drink and a hug, this country is built from hero's, and Monday proved that the hero's are still out there, it is just a pitiful shame that things like this happen, deliberately aiming at children is a all time low for these monsters.
So, all this has been rattling around in my head all week and it has meant that I have been struggling to stay 'on the ball' so to speak. Wednesday I went to a Audio clinic where I looked at various gadgets to help me, but more importantly I was informed of a event that is taking place in July, 18th and 19th, in Birmingham called Sight Village, I have never been to one of these events before, but have been told I must attend because it is amazing, so I will let you know how it goes.
I struggled through Friday, and totally relaxed yesterday with the knowledge that I have a whole week off to catch up with the house work and stuff so I may as well have a slow lounge about Saturday, I woke to brilliant sunshine at 5am and thought bugger I cant stay in bed when the weather is so beautiful, so I got up and did some tidying, put some washing on and emptied the bins, when the hour was a bit more civilized I decided to take Ralph over the fields before it got too hot.
I seriously believe that has got to have been the worst mistake of the week!
So, there we are, strolling along, Ralph is off the lead weeing and sniffing everywhere, it is a short five mile loop and we hadn't walked this route for weeks so I was busy concentrating on where I was walking and trying to sort though my muddled emotions from the week. We had done three of the five miles and had turned to walk the last two back, I hadn't even noticed the sky darkening, it was sunny in front of me and I stopped to let Ralph have a couple of minutes rest in the shade of a tree as it was the last shade for about a mile, then we set off again...that's when I heard it....a rumble, Ralph was slightly ahead of me but we both looked round at the same time to see huge black clouds rolling towards us, and then a flash of lightening in the distance. My instant thoughts were not ohhhh I better put the dog on the lead, but..ohhhhh F**k I am walking in the middle of a open field if lightening hits me I am fried, so I step up the pace, as does Ralph, he was getting slightly further ahead than I felt comfortable with as I couldn't see him if he was too far away, so I called him back, just as I was about to get a treat out for coming back a massive ear splitting crack of thunder hit right over our heads and that was it, Ralph turned on his heel and was gone. This then lead to pure panic, I am running (funny how you can run when you have too) calling Ralph back, and crapping myself, not only is there a busy road at the bottom of the track, but do I use my mobile phone to call for help or will it attract the lightening as I am in a completely open field! I decided to head for the trees and then the rain came, by the time I had got to the trees I was completely soaked, there was about another mile to the end of the track and then about another mile walk home. I phoned my daughter and told her to start walking toward the train station as Ralph might be on his way home and he would have to cross the train bridge, someone might see him or try to stop him.
I couldn't let all the typical 'what ifs' get to me, what if he gets hit by a car, what if he runs straight onto the train line, what if someone steals him. I started to run again, not a easy thing to do when you cant really see where you are going and are tripping over, the rain was hammering down and the thunder and lightening was right above my head...and I am not built for running!!
By the time I had reached the top of the track my daughter had phoned to say she had him, he had run all the way home, he wasn't even wet, although he was very frightened, I, however had to deal with his aftermath, as at the train station there was chaos, everyone had tried to catch him, there was two little boys crying their eyes out because they were so worried about the little dog, other people were telling me which direction he had run in, others wanted to have a conversation with me about how clever dogs are to know their way home, all the time the rain is pouring, its dripping off of my eye lashes, my clothes are stuck to me showing off my very unfit body, I just wanted to get home. I thanked everyone, gave the little boys lots of reassurance and stomped home, mesmerised by the squelch of my very wet trainers as I walked.
Ralph was like a mad dog when I got home, he didn't know where to put himself, running from room to room, I stood in the kitchen, stripped off my wet clothes and grabbed my dressing gown and stood quietly and waited for him to calm down, after a few minutes of madness he came and sat beside me and wouldn't leave my side for the rest of the day, which became a bit annoying after a couple of hours....today I hope for a much calmer day, I am so lucky not to have two very upset girls and a massive vets bill to pay today, well done Ralph for finding your way home safely, but what a prize wimp for being afraid of the thunder!!
Have a good week everyone xx
Good Morning everyone!
I was just sitting here in bed on this lovely sunny Sunday morning wondering and pondering on the lessons learnt through last week.
Firstly, April seems to have moved into May, so never go out without a umbrella in May, in fact, carry a complete change of clothes around with you everywhere you go, cos this rain has been some real heavy soak through to your bra, pants and socks stuff.
Secondly, life can be a real shit, there are no fairy tale endings, there is no little angel sitting on your shoulder making all your little mistakes vanish and guiding you safely through life, I actually believe that its more likely that there is a little red devil that stands on top of your head stabbing you with his (or her, need to stay PC) pitch fork every time you think you are about to get a lucky break, just to remind you not to relax and take life for granted.
Thirdly, and most importantly, never eat a whole box of chocolates to yourself, it only gives you diarrhoea, makes you feel sick, gives you spots and makes you cry cos you feel like a greedy pig for eating them!
And so, the reason behind my pondering is that I applied for a job at the RNIB in their Peterborough office in April, the role sounded right up my street, I liked the sound of being able to support people with sight loss through their journey, giving support and guidance as well as becoming a member of a team that have a genuine passion and understanding for what sight loss means, as well as acknowledging that there are holes in the support system for providing support across the country and therefore providing the means to connect people together and building a stronger support network. I believed I had a lot to offer. As well as the role for me turning into a bit of a life line, giving me the chance of regaining independence, building some sort of a future as well as providing a little financial stability.
So I applied and waited..and waited...and waited a bit more, I was so desperate and excited for a interview it was all I could think about. Then the closing date came and went...nothing, then the date for the start of interviews arrived...nothing.
So, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I emailed them to make sure they had received my application, in my eyes to be turned down is better than to have not had any chance at all.....turns out I didn't have a chance because my application hadn't been received.
I am telling you now, If I hadn't been at work when the email came through, i WOULD HAVE CRIED MY EYES OUT, I had totally missed my chance, I felt like the whole world had ended. I found it so hard to carry on with my job for the rest of the day, I love the job I do and the children and the staff I work with fill my heart full of loveliness each day, but I know there will be a time when I can no longer safely continue within this role. For a long time I didn't want to accept this but you cant keep your head buried in the sand for ever, you gotta pull yourself together and look at life for what it really is. I know there will be other opportunities...BUT I WANTED THAT ONE...It has taken my a few days to work the emotions through in my head, after being gutted I was bloody furious with myself, eventually I sort the support of my friends and my very supportive contact at what used to be Action for Blind. Yesterday I decided to resend my application on the tiny weeny chance that they don't appoint anyone for the role and look at the other applicants again. I spend a lot of time telling people not to disregard any opportunities that come our way, and then I go and mess up!! I would like to say I am over it, but I am still a little annoyed with myself. Everything happens for a reason right? Who knows what the reason is, baffles me!!
This all led onto eating a whole box of chocolates to myself and then finding that perhaps I shouldn't have done, as I still didn't feel any better. So I went for a 10 mile walk with Ralph yesterday, cleared my mind and put my rational head back on. Something else will come along, maybe next time I will check that the bloody thing has actually sent before closing down the computer, what ever happened to applying for these things through the post? I have more faith in snail mail than I do super fibre whizzing words through the interworld that for sure.
Well, lets look forward to the lessons which can be learnt next week then....have a good week everyone. Speak soon xx
Hello everyone,
I hope you are all ok, sorry I haven't been in touch for a while, its been a bit crazy here with one Daughter starting her GCSE's and the other fast approaching final deadlines, so my computer has been busy creating mood boards and something called Photoshop has been installed. I enjoy watching my girls prepare for the important changes in their lives, it makes me very proud to see their determination and motivation....it also makes me a little proud of myself as I realise that I raised these two people, and I think I have done a dam good job!
Yesterday I went into town, on my own, on the bus. I went to Specsavers, had a rummage around in New Look and then nipped along to M&S then back to the bus stop, as I sat on the bench with my shopping between my feet a old lady comes and sits beside me, we had a polite chat about the weather, then sat in silence as we waited. I could feel her looking at me, and it was unnerving me a little, so I occupied myself getting my bus pass ready and putting my phone in my coat pocket......Wait...my coat pocket has disappeared....ahhhh crap, I have put my coat on inside out, so, do I sit there like its supposed to be on inside out, OR do I stand up, in front of a now full bus stop waiting area, and sort out my problem?
I have just strutted all round town like some sort of shopping diva, pleased that I managed to buy all the goodies I needed and be in time to go back on the next bus, only to discover I am either trying to start some new trend or I look like a complete twat. So, I stand up, take off my coat, turn it the right way in, and sit back down. The old lady beside me taps my knee with her hand...almost welcoming me to the club!! I am 45 years old, not bloody 85! Never mind, its only a coat, I am annoyed with myself that I didn't notice, and a little annoyed with the general public for not saying...oi woman, did you know your coat is on inside out? What happened to the ability to do that, people are so afraid these days of speaking out in case they offend. On the flip side of the coin, I went to visit my friends in Suffolk last weekend, as soon as I saw my friend I noticed she looked like she had been letting birds nest in her head, so the following morning we went off to her hairdressers, I have never been in a place quite like it before, it is split in half, one half is for appointments, the other is a drop in, wait your turn arrangement, so we join the seating area and wait, £15 and a 10 minute wait and my friend was restored to her usual cuteness.
The cuteness, however, didn't last for long. We wondered around Felixstowe looking for somewhere to eat lunch, as it was a sunny Saturday the street was busy and there was this guy standing by a church chanting and preaching about some sort of paradise somewhere and we should all follow him to the paradise, clearly there was no need for food, shoes or any kind of fashion sense in this paradise he was talking about, anyway, My friend, who has always told me when a curb is coming, steering me away from the edge of the road or any dangers, did not feel the need to tell me there was a lamp post coming, so I walked straight into it....what did my friend do???? Not piss herself laughing surely? Yes, the whole street stops and looks at my freshly snipped friend as she is holding her belly laughing at the poor blind woman who has just been attacked by a green lamp post. Perfect, you know when something happens, and you get a feeling that you just want to die of embarrassment, but someone else's reaction to that thing that has happened makes that feeling vanish? That's what happened, if my friend had reacted in any other way, I would have felt, worried that her hair cut had affected her to start with, but also belittled, and embarrassed by the situation, as soon as I started to laugh, the world which seemed to have stopped for a second, began to move again, and we slopped off into the nearest café. Its important to have people around you that give the right reactions in certain situations, life isn't always heavy and serious, maybe if I had knocked myself out on the lamp post, her busting her gut laughing at me might not have been so appropriate, but sometimes I think we are surrounded by people who take life way to seriously.
Well, the rain has stopped and the sun is out, time to talk Ralph for a walk I suppose, I leave you with a photo of my friends creation and I can tell you it was delicious....Thank you for a fab weekend, Mr and Mrs D xxx
