Red Devils

Good Morning everyone!
I was just sitting here in bed on this lovely sunny Sunday morning wondering and pondering on the lessons learnt through last week.
Firstly, April seems to have moved into May, so never go out without a umbrella in May, in fact, carry a complete change of clothes around with you everywhere you go, cos this rain has been some real heavy soak through to your bra, pants and socks stuff.
Secondly, life can be a real shit, there are no fairy tale endings, there is no little angel sitting on your shoulder making all your little mistakes vanish and guiding you safely through life, I actually believe that its more likely that there is a little red devil that stands on top of your head stabbing you with his (or her, need to stay PC) pitch fork every time you think you are about to get a lucky break, just to remind you not to relax and take life for granted.
Thirdly, and most importantly, never eat a whole box of chocolates to yourself, it only gives you diarrhoea, makes you feel sick, gives you spots and makes you cry cos you feel like a greedy pig for eating them!
And so, the reason behind my pondering is that I applied for a job at the RNIB in their Peterborough office in April, the role sounded right up my street, I liked the sound of being able to support people with sight loss through their journey, giving support and guidance as well as becoming a member of a team that have a genuine passion and understanding for what sight loss means, as well as acknowledging that there are holes in the support system for providing support across the country and therefore providing the means to connect people together and building a stronger support network. I believed I had a lot to offer. As well as the role for me turning into a bit of a life line, giving me the chance of regaining independence, building some sort of a future as well as providing a little financial stability. 
So I applied and waited..and waited...and waited a bit more, I was so desperate and excited for a interview it was all I could think about. Then the closing date came and went...nothing, then the date for the start of interviews arrived...nothing.
So, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I emailed them to make sure they had received my application, in my eyes to be turned down is better than to have not had any chance at all.....turns out I didn't have a chance because my application hadn't been received.
I am telling you now, If I hadn't been at work when the email came through, i WOULD HAVE CRIED MY EYES OUT, I had totally missed my chance, I felt like the whole world had ended. I found it so hard to carry on with my job for the rest of the day, I love the job I do and the children and the staff I work with fill my heart full of loveliness each day, but I know there will be a time when I can no longer safely continue within this role. For a long time I didn't want to accept this but you cant keep your head buried in the sand for ever, you gotta pull yourself together and look at life for what it really is. I know there will be other opportunities...BUT I WANTED THAT ONE...It has taken my a few days to work the emotions through in my head, after being gutted I was bloody furious with myself, eventually I sort the support of my friends and my very supportive contact at what used to be Action for Blind. Yesterday I decided to resend my application on the tiny weeny chance that they don't appoint anyone for the role and look at the other applicants again. I spend a lot of time telling people not to disregard any opportunities that come our way, and then I go and mess up!! I would like to say I am over it, but I am still a little annoyed with myself. Everything happens for a reason right? Who knows what the reason is, baffles me!!
This all led onto eating a whole box of chocolates to myself and then finding that perhaps I shouldn't have done, as I still didn't feel any better. So I went for a 10 mile walk with Ralph yesterday, cleared my mind and put my rational head back on. Something else will come along, maybe next time I will check that the bloody thing has actually sent before closing down the computer, what ever happened to applying for these things through the post? I have more faith in snail mail than I do super fibre whizzing words through the interworld that for sure.
Well, lets look forward to the lessons which can be learnt next week then....have a good week everyone. Speak soon xx