So I start January with a fresh positive attitude, for Christmas I was given a diary, quite a big one, in fact its unusual in that its pretty, colourful and just like me, different. I am going to write in it every day with at least one positive thing that has happened during the day, no matter how small.
This new years eve Mum and I went to the cinema and then for a meal, while my girls stayed home and drank too much Bacardi..I used my newly acquired cinema card, CEA card, and Mum got to see the movie for free, I wasn't really looking forward to it because I was worried about how the bright screen might affect the floater especially as one of the things to avoid was the cinema, but I need not have worried, other than a head ache the next day I was fine. TGI Fridays were fab, I had already emailed them and asked for a fairly well lit table and a large print menu if they could, they didn't fuss, we had a lovely table, it was up some steps but the waiter quietly talked me up them, they hadn't got a large print menu but he was happy to talk me through it. I had already checked out the menu while I was at home on-line and chosen starter and main. It was a lovely evening and a fab way to start the new year.
So, with my daily job list and writing a positive thing in my diary each day, I feel like this year is definitely starting differently....I stood in the garden new years day and the air smelt fresh, it was so quiet, I had that little spark inside my tummy like when you know everything will be ok, and then it started to rain, and it poured down for the rest of the day, but it didn't matter because I was something I haven't been in a long while...Happy!
A few days into January and I realised I could see better, I don't mean a miracle had occurred and suddenly I could see again, I mean my brain has started to manage the floater better, its still there and if I look for it, I can see it, its still in my central vision, but I seem to be able to see through it. I don't think I can see as well as I did before the floater arrived, but there has been a definite improvement. Hugely excited, I dashed about telling myself that I could be back to work next week, so I made an appointment at the doctors to get signed back on and emailed all the important people to let them know I thought I was ready to get back to normality. Only for it to occur to me that things might not be that easy, getting back to work certainly isn't that easy as I have to see various people to check that I am safe to be in the school environment for both the pupils and myself, this I totally understand, and the fact that I haven't been anywhere for the last three weeks or more might be leading me into a false sense of security. By this I mean, I have been following the instructions given to me by my consultant and those that I found on the internet about treating a floater, I have literally done everything by the book, I have rested, not spent too much time on the computer, drunk more fluid, taken gentle exercise, made sure I sleep well, but all these things have been done in my own environment, where there are no children moving around quickly, and no demands on me, there are no time limits when I am at home, there is no pressure to read or write, at home if I feel I have done too much, I rest...that is not transferable into the working day. Also, no two days are the same, the weather makes a difference, bright sunshine makes the floater blacker, dull rainy days makes it less visible. However, to my mind, the only way to find out if I can manage back at work, is to go back to work. Meeting with the Occupational Health isn't a nice feeling, initially the thought of having a referral to them made me feel like everyone thought I was lying, or that my employer was looking for ways to sack me, but its a process that has to be gone through to protect me, my employer and the children in my care. So I wait for the appointment to come, take each day as a new one and look forward to what ever happens.
I am not sure how Ralph will be when I get back to work, animals can be funny about having the routine changed, he has become used to me being in all day, used to snuggling up and sleeping on my lap. I am pretty sure he will cop the nark, he had a mood on for three days when we put the Christmas tree up cos the grumpy little bugger doesn't like change....and lord help you if a suitcase comes out of the loft, he will take to his bed and not want to move!
Anyway, Happy new year again and I will keep you all updated x
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