The fruit and veg isle!

My goodness life has been so busy, I haven't had time to add to the blog for what feels like weeks! I have had some really positive feedback from lots of people, which is so lovely, encouraging and helps to boost my confidence.
This weekend, due to circumstances way beyond my control, I found myself having to pack up and spend the weekend in one of the most beautiful parts of our country, Woodbridge, Suffolk. My daughter and I travelled by train, it was so relaxing, no rushing, no pushing or feeling the need to keep up with the rat race. We stayed with our friends, who are always fantastic company, they live in a beautiful house, and Woodbridge is so picturesque, we went for a long walk along the river, and Friday night we all went for a meal in Ipswich, no problems what so ever, I hadn't felt I needed to use my stick at all, as I am very familiar with my surrounding I was very confident, I even drank, 2, yes 2 glasses of wine....something I never do. I had a good nights sleep and Saturday morning we took my friends dog for a long walk, then mid morning we thought we would pop into the local 24hour Tesco............then it all changed, I like to have a trolley when I am in a supermarket because it gives me a boundary, people tend to move out the way of a trolley, but they tend to bump into people and it doesn't seem to bother them, if I am struck by a human it sends my head spinning, so I try to avoid them!! But this particular time we didn't use a trolley, this meant I was, well, sort of naked! We didn't need much, my friend went off to get some meat and my daughter and I went to get some veg, I stood at the top of the isle and started to feel that little feeling in the pit of my stomach and my brain started screaming, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE, THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE, so what do I do?
I effing well panicked that's what I did, I instantly send my daughter down the isle looking for mushrooms and peppers, because I didn't want her to see me having a full blown panic attack, but this very stupidly meant I was standing on my own in the middle of Tesco with all these people trying to move around me, some small child was screaming, a woman was on the phone, telling someone on the other end to put the washing out, there was a Tesco employee collecting shopping for home delivery, all these noises were swamping me, people were whizzing round me and I could feel myself  literally loosing my balance. I know my breathing has changed and I know I have to find something soild to push my back against, but, if you know Tesco, when you get near the fruit and veg isle, there is often a big gap between isles, next thing my friend appears at my side, takes one look at me and leaps into action, I remember her saying something about getting me out of there, but I was too far gone, I needed to be standing with my back against something, now I am starting to worry about where my daughter is and if I move well she find us, my friend helped me through the stream of people to the end of a isle that had cardboard boxes stacked up, I leant on them and waited for my breating to return to normal, my daughter found us with no problems , and I felt better once we were moving away from the crowd. But I had this ball of anxiety in my stomach that wouldn't go away, we paid for the shopping and left the shop, but it took me several hours to calm down properly. I start to eat and I mean, really pigging out, I wanted to get rid of the feeling and in my mind if I ate the right thing it would go away, but of course this is crap because it only goes away when you are totally removed from the situation and are completely calm.
I will NEVER fail to be utterly pissed off with myself or get over the feeling of failure every time I have a panic attack, maybe that's really why I was eating, like a punishment for making myself look an utter twat right in the middle of Tesco. It just goes to show that every time you think you are in control, you're not, and these attacks come out of nowhere, I can fully understand why people who have them regularly do not like going out, do not put themselves in vulnerable situations, it would be very easy for me to hide from them and try to protect myself, and I am not saying that other people are weaker than me, just that these attacks don't, thankfully, come along that often, they really do, however, come from absolutely nowhere and some people can't cope with the unpredictability of that, seems to me there needs to be more awareness of these things, because i cant control mine and i really want someone to tell me how to cope better....please