Last week I started to feel the begining of a cold, you know niggling sore throat and a bit of a runny nose, but nothing to write home about, Friday I was grumpy at work, from leaving work at 3.45pm to arriving home 20 minutes later, the niggling cold had exploded into some sort of evil bug, pounding head ache, sore eyes, streaming nose, hot sweats and that heavy feeling your body gets. I went straight to bed and that, more or less, is where I have been all weekend, except Sunday morning when the guy came to put new lights in the kitchen, there was nooooo way I was going to put him off, I could have been half dead and I would still have let him in the front door.
The thing is, when I get ill it effects my balance, Its most likely something to do with the fact that my ears are blocked and my nose is stuffed with green crap so my brain cant rely on those senses to help me, I have this vision of little men all running around in my brain shouting...OHHHH NOOOO THE EARS ARE ALL MUFFLED WE CANT HEAR WHATS GOING ON, AND THERE IS NO SENSE OF SMELL,...AHHHH WELL, BUGGER IT LETS HAVE THE DAY OFF AND LET HER GET ON WITH IT! and so everything becomes more distorted and I become more wobbly than usual, which makes me irritable cos is just a bloody cold.
I know this time of the year, Autumn in England, is when everyone starts picking up bugs as the season changes, the nights start drawing in and its dark in the mornings, the days start very chilly, are quite warm by lunch time and then pouring with rain by tea time, you don't know what to wear!!
I suppose it can be very depressing, but I love autumn, my absolute favourite time of the year, I love the smells, and everywhere really does smell different, the leaves on trees all change colour, the geese are scooting about.
One day last week I took Ralph out for a walk....wait, I think I took a photo....
Its not a very good one, but some of the leaves were starting to fall from the trees and it smelt all sort of earthy, there was no-one about it was so very calming. Its even better when the leaves are all crispy and you stomp through them! Anyway what was I talking about, oh yeah, so I have just sort of have been floating along with not much happening.
The cognitive therapy starts next week, the first sort of chat will be over the phone for about 45 minutes to an hour, I'm not one for chatting on the phone, its very hard to trust someone you cant see with my deepest thoughts. With the email counselling I could feel a vibe from the way Dawn wrote her emails and we bonded quite quickly, I am kind of hoping that this first meeting over the phone is just a procedure, like filling forms and stuff, and the next meeting I will have to physically meet with a real person, not saying the other person on the end of the phone isn't real, just sometimes you have to see it for it to be real.
I think one of my biggest problems is how to manage the lows after a high, for example, I cant remember if I told you about meeting my friend and her husband for a drink at Jordon's Mill during the summer hols, we had a really lovely chat, and they are a lovely easy going couple who I feel very comfortable with, it was a beautiful day. My partner came to pick me up and we picked up my daughters and went off to tea and the cinema, fab, a smashing day. The following day, it poured with rain, daughter number one went off to work while daughter number two when off to see mates. suddenly I was on my own and my mood fell through the floor, I know everyone gets days like this but I find it so hard to pull myself back up.
So, what I need to do it change things a bit right? Maybe I need to make sure I make time to catch up with the important people in my life, but also make time to revisit and try to patch up friends I lost along the way, I need to do these things before its too late, we are all ploughing through life at a stupid speed, but having friends and making time for them shouldn't be hard work. Last Sunday I picked up my phone a text a very special person that I haven't spoken to in about three years, I am so glad I did that and I am so glad they are back in my life.......ahhh crap I am rambling.
I also wanted to share with you very quickly a thing that happened at work that amused me but also shows how my brain is working differently from the lovely ladies that I work with, total classic blind person stuff. At the school where I work, we have quite a large classroom, it used to be two rooms one was a classroom the other a cookery room, so it has two doors. The handle on one of these doors broke and the door couldn't be opened, as the day progressed I knew the door couldn't be opened so I had mapped out a different route to exit the classroom in my head, honestly if those girls went to the broken door once, they must have gone 50 times, it was so funny, but a affectionate funny. I couldn't understand why they couldn't remember the handle was broken, but it was because for them it wasn't an important issue, it wasn't at the front of their minds. I love working with these girls, they are very good to me and look after me, but that day they cracked me up. I wish I had time to tell you about all the different things I notice but I am rambling enough as it is.....must be my man flu :) xx
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