Healing

Good morning everyone, I am back from a few days away at my friends in Suffolk......wait there, the washing machine just finished and I need to hang it on the line (not the washing machine, I mean the washing).....right, I am back, I swear it takes me longer each time....anyway, On Tuesday morning my lovely friend drove all the way from Suffolk to pick me up and then drive all the way back, Daughter number two had forgotten to take some paperwork she needed to take into college so my friend and I did a detour and met the daughter for lunch so I could pass on the paperwork. We had lunch and the student made her way back to college and my friend and I started to make our way back to the car, I am not sure why but I suddenly remembered Mum telling me that the weather was going to turn cold, which triggered a depressing realisation that I had forgotten to pack a jumper. So into Tesco we go and I find a thick pink jumper perfect for the job, we made our way to the self service check out, I paid for the jumper and went to leave, totally not realising there was a security tag on it which set off the alarm, back I go and a member of staff removed the tag and held the jumper out for me to take, she didn't speak so I didn't see her holding the jumper towards me, my friend stepped in and took the jumper and we left, but not before I had seen the significance of using my cane, I could see the member of staff but when she held out the jumper it was right in the middle of the blurry spot, so lesson learnt, I defo need to use the cane more.
As we sped along the motorway I began to feel more and more relaxed and as we approached the Orwell bridge my friend suggested we go and look at the food hall and café that is under the bridge, the bridge its self is a fantastic structure as you drive over it but you cant see the Orwell river from the bridge, however underneath the bridge is simply beautiful...this time I used my cane and we walked around the food hall and stopped for refreshments in the café with no problems. 

Already the quiet open space was making me feel relaxed, there wasn't many people about and although there was tones of traffic going over the bridge you couldn't really hear it, there were boats moving up and down the river and plenty of places to sit and watch.

Next stop, my friend house, this house has a very calm feeling about it, you know some houses you go into its just busy and loud, even when there is no one at home, this house and the people who live in it radiate calmness, and so I took my position and didn't move for the rest of the evening...

Wednesday we woke up to sunny skies and high winds and a sonic boom from a military plane which was escorting a plane into a London airport, it was a massive sound and shook the house!
We spent the day shopping, eating, walking and eating again...ohh and a lot of talking.
We had a lovely day, and as it got dark we drove into Felixstowe to do what we always do when we go to Felixstowe, check out the pier, walk along the front and run on the beach in the dark.
But this time things were different, Felixstowe pier has been 'done up' and now is a bright, beautiful and clean building with neon changing lights on the outside which light up the little bit of pier that is accessible, we brought chips and walked around the outside along to the back of the pier looking out to sea, I don't know what came over me, maybe because it was the first time since my sight had got worse that I was out in the dark or maybe it was the sound of the sea smashing against the underneath of the pier, whatever the reason, I was really frightened, I felt like the dark was touching my face and I couldn't breath, the noise of the sea was deafening...well to me it was. I just needed to get off, I used to be able to supress these feelings, in fact I am not sure I have ever felt that frightened, it annoyed me but I had to say I needed to get off the pier, my friends are so understanding and helped me to get my feet back on concrete.
I wanted to do all the things we used to do, and the coloured lights which hung all along the sea front looked so beautiful, I wanted to walk along the front, but I just couldn't do it, again, maybe it was because the neon lights of the pier were so bright that it made the dark darker or simply that it was just too much. I hadn't wanted to use my cane in the dark as I feel that I become vulnerable, an easy target for someone wanting to steal my bag, whatever the reason I wasn't comfortable and wanted to get back in the car and cry.
We did get back in the car and I didn't cry, my friends drove me down to Felixstowe port where there is a little car park where you can sit and watch all the ships come in, unload and reload and sail away...obviously its not done that quickly and we sat and watched the cranes lift these massive containers off the ship, I began to calm down as my friend chatted through the process of how the port works and I even got out of the car and stood watching the lights of the other ships getting ready to come in, behind us there were lorries trundling in and out but you couldn't hear them, all I could hear was the sea, this sea sounded different to the sea under the pier, and I felt safer, when we left the carpark we drove around looking at the factories all lit up, some still buzzing with activity others all locked up for the night.
We got back to the house and I immediately put on my PJ's and got tucked up under a blanket and we tried to understand why I got so emotional, in the end we came to the conclusion that we didn't know and trying to understand it is a waste of time, as all I am doing is thinking about things that HAVE happened rather than the things I am doing now, I did find the port really interesting so it was all good in the end.

Thursday I did what I came to do, my friend, her husband and I had a lovely day, we went out to breakfast in this little barn café, then we drove to shingle street....Shingle street is a place of natural beauty, and oh my god, its beautiful, its constantly changing, breath taking, clam, peaceful but loud, and for me has healing qualities that you cant find in many places.

As you walk back over the shingle the marshes stretch out infront of you, we walked along for miles seeing nothing only a few other dog walkers, listening to the sea gulls and breathing in the fresh air, I stood still just letting the silence and the beauty of the country around me envelope me, such a enchanting place.

 And then we drove to Woodbridge tidal mill and we walked along the river Deben so I could get my fix of tinkling boats, There is nothing that pleases me more than the sound of boats when the masts chink together and the sound of the water slapping on the side of boats, another pleasing place.

After sitting watching the boats we decided the perfect way to end the afternoon was...CAKE, we went to this little chapel what had be turned into a café where I had the best orange and chocolate cake ever.

That evening my friend and I went to see a friend of our that we used to work with, we had a lovely meal which he cooked and chatted a lot.

Friday I came home feeling relaxed and ready for whatever happens next.

Thank you Pam, Martin, Jane and John for putting me back where I need to be.

Lots of love xx