Seriously??? I cant be the only person in the world who finds it incredibly difficult to prove I am not a bloody robot! Twice today I have had to get someone else to prove I am human..so what's the bloody point? All I wanted to do was to log into my Lottery account and buy a ticket for tonight (things are getting desperate here!) and even though it has all my personal details including my bra size and my favourite colour pants, it STILL wanted me to find and tick the lamp posts in a photograph that had been sectioned up, if you get it wrong then...beeep...no entry. Well, as I cant see any bloody lamp posts I had to ask for help, which never comes quick enough for me and I end up in a foul temper because I cant buy a lottery ticket in case I am not real, but my bank card can be cloned and you can empty my bank account in seconds!
So, then I had to complete an application form on line, its taken me three bloody hours to fill this thing in, then just when I think I'm done I press submit and BANG...prove you are not a robot and tick the boxes that have birds in it!!! Birds...for Christ's sake (sorry Christ) I cant see any birds... and what's more I have managed to piss off my whole family who have gone out so there is no-one to help me find the stupid birds so I had to wait for them to return by which time the dam thing had expired!!
Its been a bit of a trying week really. I seem to have got into the horrible pattern of dropping my contact lens when I am taking then out or putting them in, and its always the 'good eye' that I loose so I have no chance of finding it myself.
I have this green deep pile carpet in my bedroom and the other morning Ralph wakes me up to tell me he needs to go outside at 5.30am, so I know he needs a poo and if I don't put my contacts in I will never be able to see his poo to pick it up and then the little sod will eat it, I don't know why he does that, its revolting. So not wanting to wake the girls up I whisper to him that I am just going to pop in my lenses and then we'll go to the garden.
I had the little hard lens balanced on my finger tip, other hand holding up my eye lid, and just as I got the thing near my eye it fell of my finger tip...GONE...I heard it ping off, and I know I cant move so I use a quiet voice to call the eldest daughter in the bedroom next door...nothing...try a little louder voice....nothing....try 'outside' voice....still nothing...so I find my phone on the bedside draws and ring her, that wasn't as easy as it sounds and luckily I have my phone adapted so the most used numbers are on the home page so I just click it.
I recon I must have called her phone twenty-five times before a sleepy voice replied, Ralph was crying with need to go to the garden and I was massively frustrated at the total inability to find the dam thing myself.
The daughter walks in and grunts, walks along side the bed and as far as I know doesn't really open her eyes, just leans down and picks up my contact lens from the carpet, dumps it in my hand, grunts again and goes back to bed. I mean charming!
So, once the lens was cleaned and I could see again Ralph and I went to the garden, where he cocks his leg up my washing line, takes a wee and trots back in, goes upstairs and snuggles back on my bed, no poo insight, stupid dog! So there I am, at 6.15am wide awake now, I end up cracking on with all the Mumsy things we mums do as soon as we get up, this mostly involves putting away your kids crap from the night before...believe me you mummies, little people don't get any tidier as they turn into big people...all this meant I was exhausted by 11,30 and needed a nap but the thought of taking out my contacts again was too much, so I kept busy.
Since then I have lost that same lens three more times!
Maybe its due to the very hot dry weather we have been having, weather does strange things to contact lenses, I seemed to spend most of spring taking them out several times a day to clean off all the gunk that hay fever makes your eyes produce, I have never really suffered from hay fever, but this year has been horrible for it. Then the glorious long, hot summer days make them dry out quickly and air conditioning is the worst thing for a contact lens wearer. Today we've had torrential rain, as the wet stuff dripped off my eye lashes into my eyes, my contacts become sort of cloudy.
As much as I love summer I cant help having massive excitement for Autumn, all those different smells, cold mornings and warm afternoons, all trees changing colours. Autumn always gives me a feeling of contentment.
Anyway, I have two more BBC Proms to go, on this Monday and the other next Monday. I have a change of partner next week as my friend is coming with me instead of Mum, I would like to say my friend and I are less likely to have any disasters, but who am I kidding, my friend and I are a worse pair than Mum and I.
Well, with all my thoughts of Autumn and Proms, I have forgotten about robots, and that's exactly why I write a blog...once whatever is on your mind goes from you brain to paper, even if no-one ever reads it, for some reason, things just don't seem so bad...sharing is caring, right?
Speak soon and look out on the news for my smelly feet at the BBC Proms xx
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