No quick fix

I never get tired of looking, thinking and predicting, pre sight loss these were things I took for granted, now I respect what I have every minute of the day, especially as no-one knows when things will change. So, this morning when I went to take Ralph out for his walk it was cold and very frosty. We...Well, I tried to, walk slower because the paths were slippery and as I turn the corner, between the houses, I could see the sun rising over the fields. It was one of those moments where I find myself just standing there, mouth hanging open and Ralph strangling himself on the lead as he desperately tries to get near enough to someone's gate to cock his leg and have a pee. I wonder how many of you scraped the windows of your car, jumped in and sped off without noticing how beautiful the morning was. The fields were white with frost but a low fog had appeared over them. The sun was burning orange above the mist and the sky was, blue, purple and pink. You know that warm, contented happy feeling you get in your tummy when you've just experienced something special. This is the feeling I had while standing in the middle of the pavement, half strangling my desperate for a wee dog, my feet were rooted to the ground as I gazed at the sun and marvelled at how beautiful nature is, but most importantly how lucky I am to have seen it. 
Loosing sight has definitely made me much more conscious of taking notice of the things going on around me. I appreciate colour, I even found myself standing looking at the mango's at work today and wondered if I said out loud what lovely colours they were, people would think I was going mad, but they were going that lovely red colour they go when they are perfect. I love the fruit and veg isle, because of the smells and colours, no where else in a shop will you get both those things together the bakery smells of bread, but is mostly brown. But as I walk down a fruit and veg isle, I can smell, onions, tomatoes, bananas, strawberries, herbs and what I love most of all, is this is how I will know to recognise fruit and veg in the future, by its smell (and how it feels I suppose). I've have been one of the lucky ones who has had the opportunity to match each product through sight and smell, so I know a banana is a banana if you know what I mean, if you've never been able so see a banana before, how do you know what a banana looks like! ….now I have a image in my head of me in the future walking round a supermarket sniffing and fondling Bananas!!
This morning a man stopped me and said..ohhh, what's that smell?? I was caught in between saying, sorry mate, you've asked the wrong person, cos I can smell 50 different smells that you haven even noticed right now...or saying...nope cant smell a thing! So I said, is it a horrible or a nice smell? hoping to narrow it down a bit, but he says dunno love... Betcha the man just passed wind and was trying to cover his tracks!!
Anyway, all that wasn't even what I wanted to talk to you about, yesterday was one of those days when I did a lot of thinking. I sat in the bank waiting for my meeting I had there, I sat in a comfy blue chair and listened to the activities going on around me, most of all I noticed how intolerant we are of others and how some people think its ok to 'av a go at the bloke behind the desk cos he wanted to see my id before I took £3,500 outta my account, I told im, its my effin account you give me my money....as this bloke finished declaring his utter disgust with the way his request had been handled with the rest of the customers and staff, he left. Two seconds later the guy who had been dealing with the request, scurries past and I overhear him say to a colleague, 'god, I need a quick break, that was awful, I totally understand that guys situation but he just wouldn't listen and I couldn't get him to understand that the rules have changed'..I sat there thinking I wanted to run after the bloke and his pocket full of money and drag him back to the bank to apologise for acting like a spoilt child, but then I checked my phone for the time and became instantly irritated when I realised my appointment was already 10 minutes late, THEN I felt ashamed of myself as I realised I was more like idiot with the pocket full of money than calm man behind the desk. When did we forget that we are all human? When did we decided that shouting and making a scene is acceptable? So when my money adviser lady came out to find me and was so sorry for being late, I told her it didn't matter and actually the meeting was more like catching up with an old friend rather than discussing the fact that my bank account seems to have acquired a hole and all my money keeps falling out of it!!
Surely its got to be a whole lot less effort to be nice than cranky hasn't it? 
I'm sure most people reach a point in their lives when they realise that they aren't immortal, and for some that probably comes too late, but we are all in this together, it doesn't matter who we are the end result will be the same, so lets try and make the ride a bit more pleasant. 
We all need to be kinder to ourselves too, our mental health is so incredibly delicate, its scary to know that you can be unaware that you have become unhappy and it is far to easy to sink into something that quickly becomes a comfort. There isn't a quick fix, and for me the only thing that was going to 'heal' me was time, understanding, love from my friends and family, and acceptance. This acceptance, for me has been the toughest thing, accepting this is what has happened to me and accepting that things will never be the same as they were, HOWEVER, I have also learnt to accept my disability and even enjoy the changes and challenges it brings. You guys all know it hasn't been a easy ride, you've all read those worst days, and I don't doubt there will be bad days ahead, but at least I'll be ready for them this time.
Its a different way of life not a end to life, and I think its important to remember that we cannot control the future  and we cant change the past, so we need to live in the moment, and make sure we take time to look around us and learn to treasure every moment.
Now I am tired from spouting all my delightful wisdom, so I am off to bed with my hairy little friend pretzeled at the foot of my bed, take care and speak soon xx