The thing I love most about writing this blog is the amount of people it reaches, Its not as many as it used to be due to my inconsistency, but life very often gets in the way, and its hard to balance and prioritise.
This week I've had a little 'Step up' in my role, and it has meant that I have spent a lot of time today doing things like filing, checking numbers and figures all match up. I had forgotten how tired it makes me feel doing something a little bit different, its a bit frustrating that my heart says...hell yeah, I have every faith in myself to do a good job, but my brain says...errrrr, what the hell do you think you are doing woman, this is NOT our usual routine, now I am going to have to remember all this new stuff, process it and then bring it to the front of your mind in a way which your eyes will let you see it next time you go to use it, so therefore, when you have finished work I strongly suggest you go home and have a tantrum because no one has washed up, trip over the dog because he was way too excited to see you after ten hours out of the house, then you should cry your eyes out because you have no idea what to cook for tea, then you should shut yourself in the bathroom because no-one can reach you in there and fall asleep on the loo!
Of course, I always do exactly what my brain tells me, so now after having a hot bath and curling up on the sofa with a blanket, I have had a nap, and have woken up to my brain forgiving me after giving it such a shock.
My strength comes from talking to people who experience similar difficulties, because suddenly I know I am not alone, and I can be kinder to myself knowing that this sort of exhaustion comes from having a sight impediment and that when my brain says STOP I have to do what I am told, otherwise I will either completely burn myself out or turn green, bust out of my shirt and jeans, and scream so loudly I'd send the earth moving for miles!
So, this evening I was thinking of some of the people who I have met through RNIB, if I was allowed, I would write a book about all the people I have met, write about their stories and the people they have become, there is nothing quite like being told you are going to loose your sight and everyone moves forward in different ways.
One lady who lives on her own with her Guide dog, has the most fantastic sense of humour, I've only met her a couple of times but she is fab!
Then there is a lady I shared my 4x4 experience with and a couple of ladies who read my blogs, all these people have stories, journeys and ways of coping with the way their lives have changed.
Its easy to want to cut ties with everything 'blind' and pretend everything is 'normal' but normal doesn't always understand me, and actually these people form a family, it doesn't matter what the problem is, there is always someone to connect with, someone will offer guidance and support in such a way that speaking with your nearest and dearest doesn't always get the right result.
I've been talking to people about their lock own experiences, I think I've been a little self-centred when it comes to lock down, its been very hard working, but when I actually think about it, the very worst thing that has happened to me over the last three months is my dish washer broke...yup, middle of March the bloody thing packed up, and I felt like there would be no chance of getting someone out to fix it, and I didn't think there would be much point in ordering a new one either, so I brought some rubber gloves and washing up liquid and cracked on with it. After about three weeks, every time I said I was doing to do the washing up, one of the daughters jumped up and said...I'll do it Mum! At first I thought, ahhhh that's lovely, My girls want to help me, then about five weeks ago, I was on the phone to my Mum, telling her all about my wonderful young ladies, and Mum sighs, and says...Lynda, That's because you're crap at washing up!!
Oh, well that burst my bubble, when I got off the phone, I collected my beloved daughters in the kitchen, sat them down and asked what they thought of my washing up....silence for a few minutes, and then youngest says...errrr Mum you are proper crap at washing up...please can we order a new dish washer??? Eldest is rolling around on the kitchen floor laughing...for a split second I was offended, then youngest says, well, you are only crap because you cant see, if you could see you'd be great at it, but please please please can we order a new one.
So, last week while I was safely out the way at work, a new dish washer was delivered, the old one removed and the new one installed.
The only thing is, its all singing and dancing, all I want it do is to fill it and press go...this asks you about twenty different questions before it will start, and its so bloody quiet I keep having to check that its not broken, its going to take me another three months to get used to it!!
My brain is telling me I'm tired again, so I'm off to bed, speak soon and stay safe xx
No comments:
Post a Comment