What can you see?

The following couple of days I felt tired and my brain was desperately trying to adjust to what my eyes were seeing....and that's a funny thing, people ask me what I can see? and its a difficult question to answer because the brain is a incredible thing and it fills in the gaps, my brain works incredibly quickly, it races ahead before my eyes, for instance, this morning I walked the dog the same route I always walk him, I walk the same route because it is where my brain is at its most relaxed, I know exactly where every step, bump in the path, tree root etc. is, so the brain triggers memories so I know what's coming IF, like yesterday, something changes, like there was a tractor in the field beside the path I was walking on, it sends my brain in to high alert, because it is something different and my brain knows it has to absorb information and store it away for next time, added to that then is how I react to change, I know its only a tractor because I can hear it, but I need to consider how I behave, I need to remain calm and concentrate on the path....but my brain wants to register the tractor, so I have to stop, I bend down and pretend to be reassuring the dog of the tractor, all the time I am taking deep breaths until I know the process has passed, only then can I carry on...if I am put under pressure and cannot give my brain time to register new things, this is when the delightful experience of panic attacks kick in, (more about these demining experiences later). If I am going some where completely new or somewhere I haven't been for a long time, this is a much harder process, again I have to back up and slow down, my brain is registering every crack in the pavement, my ears are constantly listening for clues to help me register what my brain thinks I am seeing and different smells are stored away in the grey matter too! When I get into bed at the end of a day doing something different, every single image is played back to me , its a lot like watching a film, I shut my eyes and every detail is played back, I cant make it go any quicker or slower or make it stop, I just have to lay there with my eyes shut and let the film play. What my eyes see are much the same as you only I don't see colours as clear, its like wearing sun glasses all the time, and every straight edge is curved, people see the edges of things as a clear definite line, I see a fuzz, I don't see faces, unless I am up close, and recognise most people by their voice and body shape. I also have large permanent floaters in my eyes that drive me round the bloody bend, nothing is ever in focus properly and causes me to have head aches and I get exhausted, that is when I am wearing contact lenses, when I am wearing my glasses I can read a text message on my phone when the phone is held up to my nose, I only use my glasses in the morning to get me from my bed to the bathroom, they are really rather useless to me, with out contacts or glasses I am blind, totally, I see white fuzz and maybe the occasional shadow if the light is right. My contacts are my life line, there is nothing that can  be done to improve or save my sight, so I have spent the last two years or so cramming in as much as possible, taking my girls to as many different places as my purse will allow. I have learnt to be tough, I refuse to let it get me down or stop me, I have walked and climbed up and down Snowdon, completed a midnight star walk for Keech, I keep working, I do as much as I can, there was a point when I could have sat and given up, but its not in my nature, I said all along I wanted to see whales swimming in the sea and I want to walk Hadrian's wall, these are things I will do....well will try to do soon.