White Fuzz

So, after a lot of pushing and pulling me about, it was decided that I should go home and as it was August bank holiday, I would have to return Tuesday and go to RTU. The trip home was awful, I had to rely on Mum to steer me through London, I don't remember why but Old Street station was shut so we had to get a bus to Kings Cross from outside the hospital, I felt small and vulnerable, the bus was packed with tourists, everyone was pushing and bumping into me....close your eyes, think about being in London on a busy afternoon, your eyesight has gone, so your other senses kick in, the noise was unbearable, I became sensitive to every single sound, I could hear sirens in the distance, a helicopter over head, all the chatter of everyone on the bus, the click of a bicycle as it cycled along side the bus, someone chewing gum, a child opening a bag of crisps, someone else was sipping from a cup, then my sense of smell was heightened, perfume, food, petrol, body odour, the funny smell that buses have that I never noticed before....all this got a whole lot worse when we got into kings cross, Mum was so hell bent on getting me home safe that she forgot to tell me where kerbs and lamp posts were, I remember bouncing off a couple of these as she whizzed me along the platform, I don't know what we must have looked like, me tripping over everything with my eyes fully dilated and Mum, who is shorter than me, linking arms with me and pulling me through the crowds, my Mum actually 'bristles' when she is pissed off and she was positively prickly. I have never really shared how those moments made me feel, trapped in a fuzzy white world and having to put myself totally in someone else's care, when you say you 'trust' someone..do you really mean 'trust' if I am honest there are only two people who I totally trust in my world, who I know would get me home safely, who would talk me through and tell me where the dangers are before I get to them, who will tolerate my very down days and try to bring me back up, who will be patient when I am having to be slow, but also they are people who take a step back and encourage me to be independent, but are always watching and know exactly when to step in.