I wanted to share our trip into London with you all, yesterday my girls and I went with my best chum, her hubby and their two children. We went in on the 2.20pm something train, as I cannot operate those dam machines that you get your tickets from, and of course I simply cannot ask for help, I went and brought my tickets in the morning from the booth, so the day started relaxed and calm. We even got seats on the train! I didn't take my stick as, as I have said before, it makes me vulnerable and also at this time of year London is rammed with people and I'm not sure how many ankles I would be hitting! So, my very beautiful daughter linked arms with me barrelling through the crowds of people.
We were one of the last to get off the train at Kings Cross, so the pace was leisurely, I had remembered where I had put the tickets and everything!
We took the tube to Marble arch, we were still a bit early for the Christmas lights so walked along to Selfridges and had a peek in their windows, my mates hubby and their son went in while we ran across the road to the café in Marks and Spencer, this again was very relaxed and not once did I feel pressured or anxious. When we came out from our coffee and cake it had started to get dark and some of the Christmas lights had come on, so we walked along Oxford street, casually popping into a few shops as we went, the lights were beautiful, these are the sorts of memories I want to fill my life with, things that I can think back on and remember in the future.
After a while we walked back to Wagamamas for tea, perfect timing, not to many people, no queue AND GUESS WHAT...THEY HAD A MAGNIFIER, we asked for a large print menu and was given a lovely full page magnifier!! It was fab, however it didn't stop me ordering the hottest dish on the menu and sadly I couldn't eat it, on the plus side we had managed to order too many of another dish so we just swapped food around! SO, a very big thumbs up and THANKYOU to Wagamumas :)
After tea, we made our way to Carnarby street, I strongly recommend a trip to Carnaby at Christmas, totally spectacular. Again there were loads of people about, but I suppose because we weren't there to actually buy anything, it was lovely to stroll around, we ended up in the Dr Martens shop (twice) and the Levis shop....disadvantages of having trendy daughters....but didn't spend a penny!!! We nipped into a magnificent shop called Irregular Choice, holy crap, check the shoes out in that shop, they are amazyballs! Somehow we managed to walk down a street with shops that looked like you needed invitations in order to enter them, so we giggled a lot and rubbed our noses on the windows!
By the time we had reached Liberty we were all starting to get tired, so we walked back to the tube and made our way home. Not one single moment of panic or stress, I thank you Mr and Mrs Clark and the children for a fantastic day out in London xx
Wednesday, 30 December 2015
Friends!
This blog I have started many many times, I have found it so hard to write without worrying that I might offend someone. I don't really know where to start, I used to have a large group of friends, until my partner of 20 odd years and I split up, as in any relationship break down, friends inevitably take a side, and I don't blame anyone for this, its just how things happen, and people naturally go in and out of your life, its about making the effort to stay in touch that makes real friends work. Since I have been 'registered blind' I have lost friends, partly due to my inability to let people help me or explain to people why I needed long periods of time where I don't want to talk to anyone. I have learnt many valuable lessons, and have had people who I haven't spoken to in years, pop across the road to ask me how I am doing, and then there are others who I regarded as friends, who now would rush past me with their heads down.
For me, a friend is someone I have to trust, trust that they will tell me where the kerb is, or go with me to the toilet so I don't end up walking into the kitchen by mistake when we are in a café. Trust that when I am having a very bad day, they wont look down at me . This may seem a bit selfish, but I come as a slightly broken package, I like to think I am a good friend, and I know I have some very important people in my life who I would regard more as family than friends. I feel that the last few years have been a awful muddle, and while I have been wrapped up in my own world I have missed much of my friends lives and a couple of these couldn't wait around for me to get my head straight, although I dare say that if I managed to overcome my pig headed awkwardness I could manage to regain their friendship, but how can you forgive people when they aren't there when you most need help? What I am trying to say is that, things happen, you cant change them, you have to pull yourself together and deal with it, I feel that I have pushed some people away with my attitude but its the way I cope. This blog is more for the people who know or work with me, if I am quiet, seem withdrawn or get a bit snappy, mostly its because I am having a difficult day.
I can understand now why Bedfordshire sight concern were so adamant that I maintain my independence and a social life, it would be all to easy to stay home, feel safe and never talk to anyone, but what good would that do for my mental health? I want to thank those people who have stood by me all the way through my sight problems, trips to the hospital, moody days, those people who listened to me through my relationship break up and didn't take sides, also thank you for the fun times, the days when I know you are watching out for me and trying not to let me notice, it makes my heart feel full.
For me, a friend is someone I have to trust, trust that they will tell me where the kerb is, or go with me to the toilet so I don't end up walking into the kitchen by mistake when we are in a café. Trust that when I am having a very bad day, they wont look down at me . This may seem a bit selfish, but I come as a slightly broken package, I like to think I am a good friend, and I know I have some very important people in my life who I would regard more as family than friends. I feel that the last few years have been a awful muddle, and while I have been wrapped up in my own world I have missed much of my friends lives and a couple of these couldn't wait around for me to get my head straight, although I dare say that if I managed to overcome my pig headed awkwardness I could manage to regain their friendship, but how can you forgive people when they aren't there when you most need help? What I am trying to say is that, things happen, you cant change them, you have to pull yourself together and deal with it, I feel that I have pushed some people away with my attitude but its the way I cope. This blog is more for the people who know or work with me, if I am quiet, seem withdrawn or get a bit snappy, mostly its because I am having a difficult day.
I can understand now why Bedfordshire sight concern were so adamant that I maintain my independence and a social life, it would be all to easy to stay home, feel safe and never talk to anyone, but what good would that do for my mental health? I want to thank those people who have stood by me all the way through my sight problems, trips to the hospital, moody days, those people who listened to me through my relationship break up and didn't take sides, also thank you for the fun times, the days when I know you are watching out for me and trying not to let me notice, it makes my heart feel full.
Sunday, 27 December 2015
Guide Dogs
Hello everyone, I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and a very Happy and Healthy New Year to you all.
Sunday 27th Dec, its a dark and wet day, one daughter is at work, the other is playing on her tablet, the other half has gone home to do stuff, and I can feel my mood changing....I have already eaten my own weight in chocolate this morning! So if I don't do something I shall be feeling proper fed up by tea time, I can see how people can easily get down in the dumps this time of year, I want to walk the dog, but as he is such a tiny little fella, he would get soaked and grumpy, best leave him curled up like a little pretzel under the radiator!
This got me thinking about dogs, a couple of years ago the idea of getting a Guide Dog was suggested to me, my girls were a few years younger then, and the idea of getting a dog was just amazing for them, but this actually put me off. A Guide dog is a working dog, he or she would be a 'tool' for me, not a family pet.
But, I was talked into having a lady from Guide dogs for the blind association come to my house to talk about the pros and cons....well, I never realised all the hard work, trust and a very long winded process there was with getting a Guide Dog. The lady was very nice and had a massive happy personality, she arrived at 12 lunch time and didn't go home until 6 tea time!
Firstly you are matched to a dog, not the other way around, someone would come from the association and spend a lot of time getting to know me and my family, once they had found a match, then I would have to go away for three weeks training on how to operate this finely tuned animal, then there would be more training at home for my family. I remember sitting there listening to this lady telling me what a massive difference this would make to my life, and all I could think about was 'What if I broke it???' You have to be incredibly strict in the way you present yourself to a Guide Dog, when they have their jacket on or their lead, they are working, you have to stick to a routine that the dog knows, no one else can take the dog when we are out, so if I was walking with one of my daughters, and they wanted to take the lead but link arms with me, that would upset the dog, i'm not saying the when the dog is not working, you cant love it like a pet, but you cant play rough, no rolling around the carpet with it, or dressing it up, or playing tug of war with a rope, my children, especially my youngest would have found this very hard not to do, it IS possible to 'break' a guide dog, to trash the dogs and the trainers hard work, hours and hours of work go into training a Guide dog, and that dog is a massively intellectual animal. I also felt, at the time, that I wasn't ready for that stage, I felt like if I was given a Guide dog I was giving in, getting a little bit closer to being the person I refuse to be, I didn't want to accept that at some point I would need a Guide Dog, and it was truly one of my, stick my head in the sand and ignore everyone moments...it will go away! But it didn't go away, everyone was on my case, when will WE get a Guide dog Mum, despite all the advantages, and believe me there were masses of them, a Guide dog would improve my mobility and do wonders for my confidence, but what about my girls, I would be constantly moaning at them to leave the dog alone, and then there was work, the dog would have to come to work with me, which meant providing somewhere to go to the loo and having somewhere safe for the dog to be while I was in the classroom, as there was no way a dog would survive in our classroom.
So, I was left to mull it over for a few days and then the lady would contact me and we would get the ball rolling, I didn't sleep for two nights worrying about making the right decision. I remember laying in my bed thinking about all the other people waiting on the list for a Guide dog, and I would be accepting something that I felt I wasn't ready for.....also, the fact that I was thinking about it, in my eyes, meant that it would be wrong for me to go ahead, I have always been good at making decisions and usually don't have to think twice, its wrong or its right and that's that! but this time it just wasn't sitting right with me, so when the call came I turned down the offer but I am on a list where if I make the call, I will be given priority for training etc.
As the time has trickled on, and my loss of sight becomes more 'real' I can understand the need to have the security of a Guide dog, earlier this year, I brought my girls a puppy, they love him, play with him, dress him up chase him (and he chases back) and stick to a vague routine...all the things we should avoid with a Guide dog. In the back of my mind, I know when the time comes I will feel happier about it, I have set things up so that we have Ralph and the girls are older, they understand the difference between Ralph and a Guide dog.
On Christmas eve I went to Hitchin with my daughter, we went into Waitrose at 8.30 in the morning, and it was heaving with crazy people doing their Christmas food shop, we only wanted cheese and grapes, I took my stick, but all the people moving about so quickly made my balance off, I could only use the stick half open, so I couldn't roll it one the floor as there were so many people, IF I had had a Guide dog, I really think it would have been a completely different experience, a dog is more visual for others and my daughter would have been more relaxed instead of worrying I was going to have a panic attack or someone was going to run me over with their trolley! I also would have been happier, relaxed and confident that people would have given me a little more time, even at the checkout people are huffing and puffing because I need to be a little slower than they would like..... perhaps, maybe, possibly its time to look into the possibility of a Guide Dog....maybe...
Sunday 27th Dec, its a dark and wet day, one daughter is at work, the other is playing on her tablet, the other half has gone home to do stuff, and I can feel my mood changing....I have already eaten my own weight in chocolate this morning! So if I don't do something I shall be feeling proper fed up by tea time, I can see how people can easily get down in the dumps this time of year, I want to walk the dog, but as he is such a tiny little fella, he would get soaked and grumpy, best leave him curled up like a little pretzel under the radiator!
This got me thinking about dogs, a couple of years ago the idea of getting a Guide Dog was suggested to me, my girls were a few years younger then, and the idea of getting a dog was just amazing for them, but this actually put me off. A Guide dog is a working dog, he or she would be a 'tool' for me, not a family pet.
But, I was talked into having a lady from Guide dogs for the blind association come to my house to talk about the pros and cons....well, I never realised all the hard work, trust and a very long winded process there was with getting a Guide Dog. The lady was very nice and had a massive happy personality, she arrived at 12 lunch time and didn't go home until 6 tea time!
Firstly you are matched to a dog, not the other way around, someone would come from the association and spend a lot of time getting to know me and my family, once they had found a match, then I would have to go away for three weeks training on how to operate this finely tuned animal, then there would be more training at home for my family. I remember sitting there listening to this lady telling me what a massive difference this would make to my life, and all I could think about was 'What if I broke it???' You have to be incredibly strict in the way you present yourself to a Guide Dog, when they have their jacket on or their lead, they are working, you have to stick to a routine that the dog knows, no one else can take the dog when we are out, so if I was walking with one of my daughters, and they wanted to take the lead but link arms with me, that would upset the dog, i'm not saying the when the dog is not working, you cant love it like a pet, but you cant play rough, no rolling around the carpet with it, or dressing it up, or playing tug of war with a rope, my children, especially my youngest would have found this very hard not to do, it IS possible to 'break' a guide dog, to trash the dogs and the trainers hard work, hours and hours of work go into training a Guide dog, and that dog is a massively intellectual animal. I also felt, at the time, that I wasn't ready for that stage, I felt like if I was given a Guide dog I was giving in, getting a little bit closer to being the person I refuse to be, I didn't want to accept that at some point I would need a Guide Dog, and it was truly one of my, stick my head in the sand and ignore everyone moments...it will go away! But it didn't go away, everyone was on my case, when will WE get a Guide dog Mum, despite all the advantages, and believe me there were masses of them, a Guide dog would improve my mobility and do wonders for my confidence, but what about my girls, I would be constantly moaning at them to leave the dog alone, and then there was work, the dog would have to come to work with me, which meant providing somewhere to go to the loo and having somewhere safe for the dog to be while I was in the classroom, as there was no way a dog would survive in our classroom.
So, I was left to mull it over for a few days and then the lady would contact me and we would get the ball rolling, I didn't sleep for two nights worrying about making the right decision. I remember laying in my bed thinking about all the other people waiting on the list for a Guide dog, and I would be accepting something that I felt I wasn't ready for.....also, the fact that I was thinking about it, in my eyes, meant that it would be wrong for me to go ahead, I have always been good at making decisions and usually don't have to think twice, its wrong or its right and that's that! but this time it just wasn't sitting right with me, so when the call came I turned down the offer but I am on a list where if I make the call, I will be given priority for training etc.
As the time has trickled on, and my loss of sight becomes more 'real' I can understand the need to have the security of a Guide dog, earlier this year, I brought my girls a puppy, they love him, play with him, dress him up chase him (and he chases back) and stick to a vague routine...all the things we should avoid with a Guide dog. In the back of my mind, I know when the time comes I will feel happier about it, I have set things up so that we have Ralph and the girls are older, they understand the difference between Ralph and a Guide dog.
On Christmas eve I went to Hitchin with my daughter, we went into Waitrose at 8.30 in the morning, and it was heaving with crazy people doing their Christmas food shop, we only wanted cheese and grapes, I took my stick, but all the people moving about so quickly made my balance off, I could only use the stick half open, so I couldn't roll it one the floor as there were so many people, IF I had had a Guide dog, I really think it would have been a completely different experience, a dog is more visual for others and my daughter would have been more relaxed instead of worrying I was going to have a panic attack or someone was going to run me over with their trolley! I also would have been happier, relaxed and confident that people would have given me a little more time, even at the checkout people are huffing and puffing because I need to be a little slower than they would like..... perhaps, maybe, possibly its time to look into the possibility of a Guide Dog....maybe...
Tuesday, 15 December 2015
My Bike!
Right, I am going to take you back a bit now, as I have never been able to drive, my sight has never been good enough to pass the sight test, I used to cycle everywhere. I loved it, just me and my tunes, enjoying a bit of me time. I was working full time and cycled 6 or so miles to work in the morning and the same at the end of the day, on a good day it used to take me 15 mins, I cant tell you how very much I miss it, when I had to sell my bike I cried and cried, all that I had been through the one thing that broke my heart was selling my bike, it was the end of my independence, the end of those valuable 15 minutes from work to home where I would think about the day and get it all straight in my head, working in a special needs school, with pupils with profound learning and behavioural difficulties, some days I would need time to think about some of the situations that had occurred and wonder if I could have or do it differently, sometimes I would think of nothing at all, and just enjoy being free and outside. (Mum says I was always one for being outside, when I was very small she would find me standing at the back door with nothing on except my nappy hanging around my knees and my wellies on the wrong feet, demanding she opened the door so I could go and play in the garden!!) I would cycle what ever the weather, no fair weather cycling for me, one January when we returned to school after the Christmas holidays, it was a really frosty morning, the fields and everywhere was white, the path twinkled like glitter and I marvelled how lucky I was to see such a beautiful scene, I remember the journey taking a little longer than usual, because I was so busy taking in the beauty, when I arrived at school, my eyelashes had frozen and the first person to greet me at the door said....bloody hell, Lynda its -6 out there!.....I wasn't cold, I felt that I had just experienced something a lot of people don't get time to stop and see. Some weekends, a very good friend and I used to cycle around the villages, visiting pubs and eating from the pudding menu...good times. As the time wore on, I began to have crashes...some my fault, others weren't. I remember two distinctly, the first one was while I was cycling along a country path, I hit a tree root and landed upside down my body wedged in a fence and hitting my head hard on the ground, a passer by helped me, telling me I needed to go to the hospital, but I got back on and cycled on to school, by the time I got there I was in no fit state to work, so my bike got locked up and my friend drove me home where I slept off the sick feeling although I had a head ache for days after and my body felt like it had been hit by a lorry, the second time, some stupid woman opened her car door on to me knocking me off my bike and sent me sprawling into the middle of the rode in front of a bus, she stepped over me saying she couldn't stop because she had a doctors appointment, the road was blocked off and I had my own ambulance with flashing lights and everything! I had hit my head again, and damaged my shoulder which meant I couldn't work for 6 months! The police never traced the woman, so I put it in a little box in the back of my head and keep the lid on it or it will make me sour!
After that things weren't the same, I got slower and found I was having more and more near misses with those other big chunks of metal I was sharing the road with, before I knew it I was getting careless and had even started trying to cycle with my eyes closed to see how far I could get. So, it was decided that my bike would go, not only did I miss everything about my cycle rides but I missed the people I would meet along the way, the same bloke in his silver merc that I would pass at the traffic lights each day who would smile and wave, the lady at the bus stop who I would always exchange a good morning with, I think probably, it was back then that I started to feel like I was loosing control of myself, my independence, I missed it so much. So, my ex took me to buy a Tandem, but it just wasn't the same, sitting behind someone looking at their back while they bellow orders at you, or try to have a conversation with you when all you crave is silence and the ability to take in my surroundings at my own pace. I think I/we used it 5 times over 3 years, I sold it earlier this year. I was thinking maybe about buying another bike, you know maybe a BMX, so I am near the ground, but I would need a big open space, and then maybe it just wouldn't be the same, and it might make me feel worse, so I suppose I should just put the idea to bed and keep the memories alive in my head x
After that things weren't the same, I got slower and found I was having more and more near misses with those other big chunks of metal I was sharing the road with, before I knew it I was getting careless and had even started trying to cycle with my eyes closed to see how far I could get. So, it was decided that my bike would go, not only did I miss everything about my cycle rides but I missed the people I would meet along the way, the same bloke in his silver merc that I would pass at the traffic lights each day who would smile and wave, the lady at the bus stop who I would always exchange a good morning with, I think probably, it was back then that I started to feel like I was loosing control of myself, my independence, I missed it so much. So, my ex took me to buy a Tandem, but it just wasn't the same, sitting behind someone looking at their back while they bellow orders at you, or try to have a conversation with you when all you crave is silence and the ability to take in my surroundings at my own pace. I think I/we used it 5 times over 3 years, I sold it earlier this year. I was thinking maybe about buying another bike, you know maybe a BMX, so I am near the ground, but I would need a big open space, and then maybe it just wouldn't be the same, and it might make me feel worse, so I suppose I should just put the idea to bed and keep the memories alive in my head x
Sunday, 13 December 2015
Shopping 2
So, back to the shopping thing! There's no way of doing it easily that's for sure, if I go to the Supermarket, we have the issues similar to the last shopping blog, added to that supermarkets have this nasty habit of moving stuff, or plonking those wooden advertising boards on the end of an isle, AND what about those strips they have started putting on the floor of a isle, you know what I mean? Asda in Biggleswade have one along their 'seasonal isle', so not only am I trying to find what I want on the shelves, trying to be aware of and not to bump into other people and small children but I have to watch the floor, its so strange, my eyes are drawn to the colours and I find it really hard to walk on, the one I mean has bright colours on and small children tend to sit on it and then they sort of blend in....I know this because small children scream very loudly when you run them over with the trolley!!!
Then there's sell by dates which are tiny and some labels on things are so small that I just assume it must be really bad for you, and chuck it in the trolley anyway. I recon if I let it, this shopping thing could turn me into a really bitter thinking person, which is why I need a strategy, think out the route and visualise it before going, make a list (or lots of lists in my case), chose a sensible time to go, a few years ago I did my Christmas food shop with my sister in Baldock 24Hr Tesco at 1am, I thought this was a fab idea....except they dim the lights and there's all these dolly trolleys cluttering up the isles while they re stock the shelves, so I have found 8am is about the best time for me. Don't rush or be rushed, I make stupid mistakes when I am rushed. When my girls and I were visiting our friends in Woodbridge, Suffolk, we went to their local Tesco, my friend introduced me to this thing, where you take a trolley, some shopping bags and get one of these hand held bleeper things and zap your shopping as you go around, then at the end, you attach your bleeper thing to the checkout whatsit, pay for your shopping and, hey presto! so I gave it a go, I was really enjoying the zapping of my items until I realised that the little screen on the bleeper thing was too small for me to see, apparently it tells you how much you have spent and all sorts of technical things, I had a little moan to my mate about the screen being too small, next thing she's off, you must understand, my friend is bossy and short and when she is pissed off she pushes out her chest, shoulders back and marches....everyone usually runs for cover, but this little lad looking like he was fresh out of school took the brunt of my friend, I hear her firmly saying....are YOU telling me this little machine can tell you what you are having for dinner, but it cant be made to show large print????? and where is you suggestion box??? Off she marches to the car still wagging her finger leaving this lad with his bottom jaw resting on his desk. Within two weeks, TESCO WOODBRIDGE, had their little hand held zappy thingys in LARGE PRINT, well done bestie and well done Tesco.
The other option is to have home delivery, this idea has definitely got better with age, I have a large screen laptop and can zoom in nicely. They delivery slots have been reduced from 3 hours to 1, and nine times out of ten my shopping is delivered within that hour, Tesco and Sainsbury are very good at making sure there aren't many subs, Asda are rubbish, half my shopping usually has substitutions. Tesco are the worst for sending food that is near its sell by date and sadly I have received food that is only good for the bin, BUT it means I do not have to do the super market thing, so I have to grin and bear it......except I have forgotten to book my Christmas delivery and there are no slots left, so what do I do, 1am or 8am??
Then there's sell by dates which are tiny and some labels on things are so small that I just assume it must be really bad for you, and chuck it in the trolley anyway. I recon if I let it, this shopping thing could turn me into a really bitter thinking person, which is why I need a strategy, think out the route and visualise it before going, make a list (or lots of lists in my case), chose a sensible time to go, a few years ago I did my Christmas food shop with my sister in Baldock 24Hr Tesco at 1am, I thought this was a fab idea....except they dim the lights and there's all these dolly trolleys cluttering up the isles while they re stock the shelves, so I have found 8am is about the best time for me. Don't rush or be rushed, I make stupid mistakes when I am rushed. When my girls and I were visiting our friends in Woodbridge, Suffolk, we went to their local Tesco, my friend introduced me to this thing, where you take a trolley, some shopping bags and get one of these hand held bleeper things and zap your shopping as you go around, then at the end, you attach your bleeper thing to the checkout whatsit, pay for your shopping and, hey presto! so I gave it a go, I was really enjoying the zapping of my items until I realised that the little screen on the bleeper thing was too small for me to see, apparently it tells you how much you have spent and all sorts of technical things, I had a little moan to my mate about the screen being too small, next thing she's off, you must understand, my friend is bossy and short and when she is pissed off she pushes out her chest, shoulders back and marches....everyone usually runs for cover, but this little lad looking like he was fresh out of school took the brunt of my friend, I hear her firmly saying....are YOU telling me this little machine can tell you what you are having for dinner, but it cant be made to show large print????? and where is you suggestion box??? Off she marches to the car still wagging her finger leaving this lad with his bottom jaw resting on his desk. Within two weeks, TESCO WOODBRIDGE, had their little hand held zappy thingys in LARGE PRINT, well done bestie and well done Tesco.
The other option is to have home delivery, this idea has definitely got better with age, I have a large screen laptop and can zoom in nicely. They delivery slots have been reduced from 3 hours to 1, and nine times out of ten my shopping is delivered within that hour, Tesco and Sainsbury are very good at making sure there aren't many subs, Asda are rubbish, half my shopping usually has substitutions. Tesco are the worst for sending food that is near its sell by date and sadly I have received food that is only good for the bin, BUT it means I do not have to do the super market thing, so I have to grin and bear it......except I have forgotten to book my Christmas delivery and there are no slots left, so what do I do, 1am or 8am??
Christmas Do!!!
Hello folks, I truly don't know where the time is going, it doesn't seem often that I get a minute to sit down at this time of year let alone write a blog!
Last Friday I went for a drink after school with some of my work colleagues, originally it was planned that we would be going for a meal in a restaurant in Biggleswade, the thought of going somewhere I haven't been before fills me full of panic and dread, I knew that this particular venue is on the second floor of a building in the town, I really cant tell you all the problems that come with doing something like this, first and most important there's trust....and I'm certainly not saying I don't trust the people I work with, because in my work setting trust is paramount, but out of work, many of my work colleagues don't know that I am registered blind, also I do not expect others to look out for me, I hate feeling like I need help, on the other hand if someone doesn't tell me there is a step coming, or where the toilets are, I know I will end up flat on my face or in the broom cupboard! If I take my white stick out with me I risk the whole sympathy and a million questions thing, which really get on my nerves, I also have a serious problem when there are lots of people moving at the same time, I just cant move with them and it makes me dizzy, as I don't see peoples faces unless they are up close this can also cause a bit of a problem!
This venue, I had heard, is poorly lit, as most pubs are, so again I risk tripping over a chair leg, knocking drinks over or bumping into people, then I gotta try and read the flipping menu, not a chance! I carry a small magnifier in my handbag but in a busy poorly lit pub its as much use as a chocolate fire guard! If there is one thing I would like to see in restaurants its large print menus, I have started, If I know I am going to a specific place, looking up the place online, reading their menu, choosing what I fancy to eat, jotting it down and giving it to whoever I am going out with to order for me...this kinda backfires if the meal I want isn't available! so it would be lovely to have a large print menu, they wouldn't need loads, it really cant be that difficult! So, where was I, oh yes, then I have to eat, in the semi dark in front of people who I don't usually eat in front of, so I will have had to have chosen 'safe' foods! THEN what about if they all want do go to a different pub after the meal...more panic...what if I get separated from the person I have latched myself onto, what happens if the pub we go into has changed since the last time I was in there and things are in a different place, what if its busy....WHAT if there is someone I know in the pub and I ignore them because I am sooo busy concentrating on pretending I know what I am doing, what happens if someone is horrible to me, what if there's flashing lights or very loud music, what if I have a panic attack, what if I tread in dog poo on the way do the other pub, what happens if I go to the loo and my latched onto person has MOVED!! Can you see all the things I, and people like me, have to think about when someone says, Do you wana go on the Christmas do? No longer can I shove £20 in my coat pocket and clear off to the pub for a couple of after school drinks with my pals without thinking twice. I even have to place money in certain parts of my purse so I know what coins they are without bringing them up to my nose to inspect them so I can work out that my 20p is actually a 50p, I suppose by organising myself as well as I do I portray a false image of what my life is really like, but for me, its about pride, I will not put myself in a position where I could possibly make myself look, well, look blind I suppose, then I read this back and wonder if I really have accepted the way things are or am I just trying to cover my tracks all the time!
Anyway, can you imagine my delight when the Christmas do is cancelled, and the teacher from the classroom opposite ours (who is a lovely lady) suggests that we all go to the pub near the school, straight from school, them people can do whatever they like, some might go home and meet up later, some might stay the whole evening. I am feeling a warm happy glow, I know where every step, bump in the carpet and where every chair will be in this pub, as I am going straight from school, I know it wont be too busy at 3.45, so I will be able to get a seat and sip my diet coke. I stayed for an hour, and enjoyed every minute, I know its hard for some people to understand my little triumphs, I don't know if this makes sense, but I like to be included as I was and not how I am now, I ever want anyone to tip toe around me it is what it is, there would have been no way I would have been happy at the first venue and I certainly would never have expected it to be changed on my behalf, but the fact that it did change gives me a little sparkle because its the difference between achievement and failure, and I much prefer to achieve. SO, THANK YOU lady from the other classroom x
Last Friday I went for a drink after school with some of my work colleagues, originally it was planned that we would be going for a meal in a restaurant in Biggleswade, the thought of going somewhere I haven't been before fills me full of panic and dread, I knew that this particular venue is on the second floor of a building in the town, I really cant tell you all the problems that come with doing something like this, first and most important there's trust....and I'm certainly not saying I don't trust the people I work with, because in my work setting trust is paramount, but out of work, many of my work colleagues don't know that I am registered blind, also I do not expect others to look out for me, I hate feeling like I need help, on the other hand if someone doesn't tell me there is a step coming, or where the toilets are, I know I will end up flat on my face or in the broom cupboard! If I take my white stick out with me I risk the whole sympathy and a million questions thing, which really get on my nerves, I also have a serious problem when there are lots of people moving at the same time, I just cant move with them and it makes me dizzy, as I don't see peoples faces unless they are up close this can also cause a bit of a problem!
This venue, I had heard, is poorly lit, as most pubs are, so again I risk tripping over a chair leg, knocking drinks over or bumping into people, then I gotta try and read the flipping menu, not a chance! I carry a small magnifier in my handbag but in a busy poorly lit pub its as much use as a chocolate fire guard! If there is one thing I would like to see in restaurants its large print menus, I have started, If I know I am going to a specific place, looking up the place online, reading their menu, choosing what I fancy to eat, jotting it down and giving it to whoever I am going out with to order for me...this kinda backfires if the meal I want isn't available! so it would be lovely to have a large print menu, they wouldn't need loads, it really cant be that difficult! So, where was I, oh yes, then I have to eat, in the semi dark in front of people who I don't usually eat in front of, so I will have had to have chosen 'safe' foods! THEN what about if they all want do go to a different pub after the meal...more panic...what if I get separated from the person I have latched myself onto, what happens if the pub we go into has changed since the last time I was in there and things are in a different place, what if its busy....WHAT if there is someone I know in the pub and I ignore them because I am sooo busy concentrating on pretending I know what I am doing, what happens if someone is horrible to me, what if there's flashing lights or very loud music, what if I have a panic attack, what if I tread in dog poo on the way do the other pub, what happens if I go to the loo and my latched onto person has MOVED!! Can you see all the things I, and people like me, have to think about when someone says, Do you wana go on the Christmas do? No longer can I shove £20 in my coat pocket and clear off to the pub for a couple of after school drinks with my pals without thinking twice. I even have to place money in certain parts of my purse so I know what coins they are without bringing them up to my nose to inspect them so I can work out that my 20p is actually a 50p, I suppose by organising myself as well as I do I portray a false image of what my life is really like, but for me, its about pride, I will not put myself in a position where I could possibly make myself look, well, look blind I suppose, then I read this back and wonder if I really have accepted the way things are or am I just trying to cover my tracks all the time!
Anyway, can you imagine my delight when the Christmas do is cancelled, and the teacher from the classroom opposite ours (who is a lovely lady) suggests that we all go to the pub near the school, straight from school, them people can do whatever they like, some might go home and meet up later, some might stay the whole evening. I am feeling a warm happy glow, I know where every step, bump in the carpet and where every chair will be in this pub, as I am going straight from school, I know it wont be too busy at 3.45, so I will be able to get a seat and sip my diet coke. I stayed for an hour, and enjoyed every minute, I know its hard for some people to understand my little triumphs, I don't know if this makes sense, but I like to be included as I was and not how I am now, I ever want anyone to tip toe around me it is what it is, there would have been no way I would have been happy at the first venue and I certainly would never have expected it to be changed on my behalf, but the fact that it did change gives me a little sparkle because its the difference between achievement and failure, and I much prefer to achieve. SO, THANK YOU lady from the other classroom x
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