Friends!

This blog I have started many many times, I have found it so hard to write without worrying that I might offend someone. I don't really know where to start, I used to have a large group of friends, until my partner of 20 odd years and I split up,  as in any relationship break down, friends inevitably take a side, and I don't blame anyone for this, its just how things happen, and people naturally go in and out of your life, its about making the effort to stay in touch that makes real friends work. Since I have been 'registered blind' I have lost friends, partly due to my inability to let people help me or explain to people why I needed long periods of time where I don't want to talk to anyone. I have learnt many valuable lessons, and have had people who I haven't spoken to in years, pop across the road to ask me how I am doing, and then there are others who I regarded as friends, who now would rush past me with their heads down.
For me, a friend is someone I have to trust, trust that they will tell me where the kerb is, or go with me to the toilet so I don't end up walking into the kitchen by mistake when we are in a café. Trust that when I am having a very bad day, they wont look down at me . This may seem a bit selfish, but I come as a slightly broken package, I like to think I am a good friend, and I know I have some very important people in my life who I would regard more as family than friends. I feel that the last few years have been a awful muddle, and while I have been wrapped up in my own world I have missed much of my friends lives and a couple of these couldn't wait around for me to get my head straight, although I dare say that if I managed to overcome my pig headed awkwardness I could manage to regain their friendship, but how can you forgive people when they aren't there when you most need help? What I am trying to say is that, things happen, you cant change them, you have to pull yourself together and deal with it, I feel that I have pushed some people away with my attitude but its the way I cope. This blog is more for the people who know or work with me, if I am quiet, seem withdrawn or get a bit snappy, mostly its because I am having a difficult day.
I can understand now why Bedfordshire sight concern were so adamant that I maintain my independence and a social life, it would be all to easy to stay home, feel safe and never talk to anyone, but what good would that do for my mental health? I want to thank those people who have stood by me all the way through my sight problems, trips to the hospital, moody days, those people who listened to me through my relationship break up and didn't take sides, also thank you for the fun times, the days when I know you are watching  out for me and trying not to let me notice, it makes my heart feel full.