I have had a little break from blogging for a couple of weeks, don't think for one moment this means that I have been sat on my backside doing nothing...well, I suppose I need to be sat on my backside to be blogging, so the truth is I have been too busy to sit down!!
Everything I do seems to take so much longer at the moment, so the housework that used to take a couple of hours now gets spread over two days. My front garden....My front garden was in a incredible state...everything had over grown and was in need of some attention, the lavender needed cutting back and harvesting for winter (I say harvesting like I am some sort of international lavender farmer) what I mean is I need to trim the tops off the lavender, stick it in a envelope and put it in the airing cupboard to make all my sheets smell nice! So I spent a good few hours, while the sun was at the back of the house leaving my front garden in the shade, chopping and trimming, again this is a job that I don't usually think twice about and only takes a hour or so, but now with the change in my sight I need to just go that bit slower. I had a really lovely time (how sad is that!) in the garden, all by myself, just quietly snipping away. The best therapy.
Talking about Therapy, I have now had my third session of CBT with Steven, its going great and I am definitely finding it useful and am confidently putting what I have learnt into practice. We had a conversation about not carrying everyone else's monkeys, I didn't realise how much I do this without even thinking, carrying other peoples monkeys doesn't just refer to listening to other peoples problems and worrying about them as well as my own, but doing things for other people instead of letting them do it themselves, I do this ALOT, I didn't perhaps see how much I do it, not because I don't think people can do things, but I struggle with people not moving as quickly as I do (or as I used to) and I try to accommodate everyone even if it means making life harder for myself. So, I have been learning to say NO, and doing things that make life easier for me instead of others....you have no idea how hard this has been, but the fact that I am sitting on the sofa in the middle of the day blogging, speaks volumes.
I have also been learning how to have a more relaxed outlook on life, which has helped me get back out into the community independently. This week I went to the Dentist on my own!! I took the train to Biggleswade, made my way to Asda, brought a couple of things, went to the Dentist and took the train back home. I used my cane, and no one attacked me!! There wasn't one problem and I felt very proud of myself when I got through my front door without a hitch!
This week Steven showed me this...
NEVER EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO ANYONE! YOUR FRIENDS DONT NEED IT AND YOUR ENEMIES WONT BELIEVE IT....
I have been really struggling with this, I find myself explaining why I do things the way I do it all the time, I even plan the explaining just in case someone asks me why I have done something a certain way. But did you know....KNOW ONE CARES, literally no-one, like it says above, my friends and people who love me know why I do things they way I do them, and people who don't know me or don't like me don't matter, so I will not be (or trying not to) explaining myself anymore!!
All this retraining my brain has kept me busy, and is exhausting in a strange way, so I threw myself into a little decorative therapy for Halloween and made a little display in the porch to greet trick or treaters....
From the things I have learnt from the CBT so far I would definitely recommend it to others, although you have to be prepared to work at it yourself, you have to be able to trust and like your Counsellor, if you have someone who irritates you, you are not going to listen to them let alone take their advise. Its not easy, the hardest thing is to believe in yourself and open up to thinking in a different way, if you can get past those two things the rest is a doddle!
I am enjoying spending more time with this boy...
While my girls are out he is great company, we've been on some lovely walks and he follows me around the house as I do jobs, looking at me like I have two heads as I chat to him about all sorts of things, and when I sit down he is great for a warm cuddle...although he snores like a overweight bloke who has been in the pub all day drinking Guinness.
We seem to have leapt into November and I am now counting down the days until my appointment at Moorfields where I hope to learn what to expect of the future. xx
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