RNIB Counselling and Veg!

Hi everyone, I thought I would try having a lie in this morning, but the sun was shinning through my window at 6am so here I am an hour later ready to start Saturday. I am still struggling with the three day working week thing, I wake up in the morning truly having no idea what day it is, which at first was funny but now is just very annoying, it doesn't help that my eldest has had her school timetable changed so is home some days and school some others, study leave starts in a couple of weeks so its all changing. Although I have had three weeks of doing three days, not one of those days off has been solely for me to do what I want, not that I'm complaining, as I worry a bit about if suddenly people stop saying, ohhhh you're off on Tuesday, lets go shopping, or lets do lunch, will I get lonely? Or, maybe the days are meant to fill naturally, I don't know, time will tell I suppose.
This week I feel I have been carried along in a big bubble, totally unaware of things being said to me or things going on around me, maybe its my age, or maybe its because I had my first counselling session this week, I am a big 'thinker/worrier' and what I was going to say in my first email was worrying me, so, you have to make sure your email reaches your counsellor and RNIB the day before your appointment, it can be no longer than 1000 words and you can begin wherever you want. My appointment was on Thursday at 10am, so I sat quietly on the Sunday before and tried to compose my email, there I found I had no idea what to write, so I began with a brief outline of my condition, personal and work life, I think it came to about 350 words and I pinged it off to my counsellor. You are given a slot and the counsellor replies to your email at the end of the session, which is about 40 minutes long, with another email. I was concerned that counselling via email would be less personal but the email that came back was very in-depth and long! These people are very obviously very, very well trained, from my very short email she had picked up lots of things and information that I didn't even realise I had given, and had asked lots of questions for me to reply too. I had wondered that the service would focus on sight loss, but she had picked up every little piece of information and was encouraging me to elaborate on it, oh also, before you start with them, you sign a agreement that no-one can read any of the emails and no information can be shared as firstly its confidential and then they own the copyright, so although I am sharing the fact that I am having counselling with you guys, I cannot tell you about the content.  I wanted to encourage people not to dismiss the idea of receiving help through RNIB or any other organisation that provides counselling through these channels, as I've said before, counselling can be through email, instant messaging or via skype (or something like skype), I like the email because you can refer back to it, unless your session is being recorded for you (and lots of people find it hard to listen to the sound of their own voices) with such a lot of information being shared sometimes it had to retain and digest all that's been said, with email, you can go back and read it again and again. I think this is a massive step forward for me, for many different reasons, sometimes its not about needing help or making massive changes, sometimes its about talking through the changes that have already happened, working through emotions, thoughts and feelings with someone totally independent, for me sharing Diary of a Blind Lady with you guys has been a massive therapy, and at times I may have been too honest, but some of my life I cannot share with the world, some of what you go through in life you lock away, and for me opening up to you all about some stuff has made me need to download all the other little things that are tucked away in little boxes at the back of my mind, I hope this makes sense, I know I am rambling a bit, so I am going to change the subject.
Wow, I feel like I just got off my soap box as my Gran used to say! So, with this extra time I have on my hands, I thought I would have a go at.....growing vegetables!!! I didn't realise how excited I am getting over vegetable, I mean, I've been to Mum's and my mates house, and they go...ohhhh, come look what I'm growing in the greenhouse! Or, look at my veggie plot, and I'M like yeah yeah, that's realllly fab, BUT OMG, what fun, so I am growing, sweetcorn, peppers, chilli, spring onion, onion, marrow, potatoes and rhubarb, oh and carrots I had no idea what to grow, so we went with what we eat the most, I only have a little garden, but at the end of it there's a little patio where my ex used to stand his motorbike, some of the slabs were oily or cracked so I took some of them up and dug it up, I got a little fertiliser and worked it in, and last weekend I sowed the seeds in trays in the conservatory....Let me just go take some photos.....

Its a bit Stoney and looks quite small, but people grow their veg in patio pots, so i am hoping it will all be good! 

Delighted to see little plants growing.............But look at my flowers I (well, the help from Mum) planted a few weeks ago, they are Massive!!

We started the seeds out in trays and then Mum helped me do the pricking out thing, and we put them in those trays with the individual little pot things, and then about three weeks ago, mum gave me some old pots, I did the pricking out thing again as the plants were bigger and they are just going mad! :)

Every day the girls and I have a little confab on how well the seeds are doing, never realised growing veg would generate such a feeling of pride and wellbeing!

Well, the washing machine has finished, so I suppose I should go put it on the line.

I will try and blog more often as several people keep asking me when the next one will be, the only worry I have with blogging too much is that it becomes boring!

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Visual Impairment Team update

Hi everyone, well, Saturday morning and the end of my first three day working week, I don't mind telling you, its been weird! Monday was a training day, but I finished before lunch, leaving me the rest of the afternoon to do what I wanted, as it happens I actually spend all afternoon cleaning up the cup cake disaster that had exploded in my kitchen thanks to my youngest daughter. Then along came Tuesday, my very first Tuesday off. I had all these plans in my mind, walk the dog for miles, do some gardening, go for a swim, catch the bus into town and wander around the shops, maybe sit in a coffee shop and watch the world go by....what did we wake up to Tuesday morning in Bedfordshire?? Pouring bloody rain! I lay in my bed with the duvet under my chin wondering what on earth I had done, the girls went off to school, Ralph wriggled himself right to the back of his bed with a 'Don't EVEN think about taking me out in this weather' look in his eyes. So, I did the house work, which was all done by 8.45am, my mood was low, my sister had gone into hospital that morning for a operation, so I suppose my glumness might have been confused with anxiousness. I messed around for a couple of hours, we had had a problem with our land phone line, there was a message from the counselling team at RNIB on the answer phone but I couldn't retrieve it, so I spent a while shouting at a electronic voice on the BT help line from my mobile. Then at 10oclock I remembered that I had another visit from Bedfordshire Visual Impairment Team at 10.30!! I Jumped in the shower quick and tried to make myself look better than I was feeling, by then my mood had turned from low to fowl, by the time the door bell rang I was ready to punch someone's face in! In breezes Rob with his clam and relaxed demeanour, he listened to my moaning (sometimes you don't want anyone to do anything about the problem because you know you can deal with it yourself, you just NEED someone to whinge at) so I whinged! I sat slumped in the chair, with my arms folded across my chest with a grumpy red face, I must have looked like a six year old who had been told she had to put her Barbie's away and go to bed! Trouble is, I am half Italian, an Aries by birth sign and incredibly head strong, when I am pissed off, god help anyone who tries to help me, I could argue with my own shadow!
So, Rob sits and listens, offers to ring BT, which gets a sharp NO THANKYOU! Funny how some people you just click with, he
just seemed to know that if he went on he was looking at a black eye at the very least, so he pull out some gadgets from a bag, so the first one was a level water indicator, I've had one before, you pop it on the rim of a cup or whatever you are filling up and when the liquid gets near the top it beeps so you don't over fill, pretty nifty but not enough to make me smile.

Next chopping boards, he hadn't brought any with him as he needed to know what colour I wanted before ordering them....at that moment in time I didn't give a flying F what colour chopping board I needed to help me in the kitchen so I have a contrast between the board and the thing I am cutting and avoid slicing my fingers (ungrateful old bitch that I am) so he orders, green, yellow and red..I think!!
Then he puts this little box on the table, its a electric magnifier, this actual design they don't make anymore and is just a demo, but my gawd, what a incredible device. So, its about the size of your average calculator, with a little handle that pulls out from the side, this one is quite heavy but Rob assures me the newer versions are much lighter,  I found I could easily read labels and even a couple of pages of a book with it. The colour contasts can be changed giving my a choice of different coloured back grounds and font, therefore providing different contasts to use when the lighting in different environments is different. That's a lot of different!! Anyway, its also perfect for putting in my handbag...my mood is starting to lift as a undated version is put on the order form! Next he informs me that he cant change the strip lighting under my kitchen wall cupboards to white lights as he cant find them anywhere, so he has this little portable white light that he shows me, so there I am getting all excited about a light!! Its very lightweight and compact, off I go marching around the house with Rob in tow, saying...ohhhhhlook, that's perfect for seeing in my cloak cupboard, and in my kitchen cupboards oh and my wardbrobes, I am so excited to be able to see what I want and just getting it rather than emptying the whole cupboard to find what I want and then just shoving it all back, my cupboards might even stay tidy! I also showed him how great it would be when using the PC as I struggle to use the keyboard and the lighting in that room is awful. I was in such a whirlwind, I felt like a child who had gone into a sweet shop and found that it was a try before you buy day! I turned around to find Rob standing with one hand on his hip and the other rubbing his forehead, my stomach sinks...WHAT?? ...Why the hell didn't you tell  me all this before, if you don't tell me what you need I cant help you....WHAT??  We have lighting especially for cupboards and also a large keyboard with lights and fancy bits on, would you like me to order some?? That's it, all the sweets in the shop are thrown in the air and I can eat as many as I want AND take some home!......Ohhhh go on then, yes please order some!. Back at my dining table, he goes through his paperwork and informs me that the council will be out to repair the slab at the back of my propery that I trip over everytime I put the bins out and remove the plastic in the tree!! Also I am on the waiting list for security lighting and they will be contacting me soon. 
After Rob had gone, I noticed the rain had stopped, Ralph had moved to the front of his bed, so off we went on a long, very muddy stomp across the fields, popped in to see my Mum and catch up on any news on my sister and then we went home. I then sat and sorted the problem with BT and was able to retrieve my answer phone message, I spoke to a lady at RNIB called Maria, who explained that they offer telephone, instant messaging or email councelling, 1 opted for email, Maria sent me a questionnaire and a sort of agreement thing, which I filled in and sent straight back, now I just need to wait for my first 'appointment'. Before I knew it my day off was nearly over, but what a fantastic feeling it was when on Wednesday at 3.45, I came out of work knowing I had Thursday off. Thursday I did some of the lovely things I had wanted to do on Tuesday. Just goes to show, you never know what the day will bring, we will all get there in the end, just sometimes we have to drag ourselves through the crappy days first!! x

Easter

Hello folks, I hope everyone had a good Easter, The girls and I have had a two week break, and although we planned to do nothing we don't seem to have stopped! At the start of the break I had my Birthday, it started as a wet day, but got brighter as the hours ticked on, I had a lovely day spent with Family popping round with loads of cool gifts and cards, I got a little chest box full of arty stuff, chocolate and stuff for a relaxing bath..perfect.

I must say we went for a meal at a pub in Hitchin called The Three Moorhens, my partner had asked for a table with good lighting but tucked away from the noise of the pub, but because it was bank holiday Monday I thought we wouldn't stand a chance, but we got exactly what we asked for, the menu was fairly good to read with my magnifier, I have a small dome magnifier which I keep in my handbag, everyone comments on how nifty it is!

Anyway, we had a fantastic meal so very big thumbs up to The Three Moorhens, we ended the day by taking Ralph for a long walk. Easter Sunday we strayed away from the traditional roast lamb dinner and went full on Italian, my Dad was Italian and my grandparents were both very good cooks, although we didn't realise how good Grandad was until after Grandma died and he had to cook for himself! My youngest Sister and I made (with a little guidance from my Aunt in Australia..Hello Aunty Phyllis!) cheese ravioli, tones of it, we made our pasta and my girls and my nieces had a great time rolling the pasta dough through the machine, we made a cheese filling and our very own D'Addario pasta sauce.

I remember Easters at my grandparents house, Grandma would have a great long table that stretched for what seemed like all the way from her living room into the dinning room, and it was packed with food, pasta , meats, cheeses, fruit, lots of Granddads home made red wine...OHHH LORDIE, Mum used to dress my sisters and I in the same dresses for these occasions, we used to have these matching blue velvet dresses with white lace around the neck line, white long socks and red patient shoes, thank gawd not many photographs were taken in those days, brings back fond memories though, all the kids used to sit out in the conservatory to eat and Grandma used to get us to sing and dance for everyone in the afternoon, oh dear I seem to have gone right off track! So anyway, that was Easter over and done with, we have cleaned the house, cleared out cupboards and done some gardening, my mates hubby Steve came round to see if he could remove the blessed plastic from the tree but, like I said its wayyy to high for anyone to reach safely. I had been informed that the patio outside my back door was looking grubby, so I thought I would get out the pressure washer and give it a bash, how hard can it be right? My neighbour had done his a few days before and HE was wearing a white tshirt! So there I was happily spraying away, humming to myself and thinking how very clever I was to be able to make this machine work and spray all this water, ohhh yeah, I'm having a great time! and then I was finished, so I swept up all this very muddy dirty water and stepped back to check out my new found skills, only to discover that I hadn't shut the back door, there was thick brown mud dripping off of the conservatory door on to the tiles, I gently pushed the door open and Ohhhh balls, it was everywhere, and I mean everywhere, all over the floor, up the walls, it covered my dining table and chairs it had even spread to the interior glass doors, for some reason I stood there for ages before I could move, then Ralph came running through, skidded to a halt in front of me, looked me up and down and legged it back into the house, it was then I realised that there was no way I would ever be able to wear a white Tshirt, I was covered top to toe in gritty mud, sadly the girls found this hilarious...until I made them help me clear up the mud slide!
I seem to have gone off track again, So, you will be pleased to hear I finally have my hospital appointment for Moorfields, although its not until mid June, I am relieved I have it and it has taken some of the pressure off knowing that I will be going back there. I also had a home visit from Bedfordshire Visual Impairment team, I have mentioned Rob before and am very please that he has been given my case again, Rob is very easy to talk to and completely understanding and realistic. We talked for some time about how I am feeling and where I need help the most, as anyone who knows me will say I am not the easiest person to get along with and I refuse to ask for help, however, I haven't seen Rob for a few years and the person I was then is not the person I am at the moment, a lot has happened in those few years, and I am ashamed to say I opened up and had a good howl, tears and snot everywhere! Rob gentle suggested that it might be time to have some kind of professional emotional support, and if I hadn't seen first hand the support, understanding and guidance my daughter has received form her appointments with Fran at CHUMS I still would have refused it, but this time as I sat with snotty tissues scattered around me and I accepted and Rob is arranging counselling from RNIB.....I will let you know how it goes and I promise to go into it with a open mind and ready to accept what every they might say to me! Ohh yes, I also go a glass magnifier for my Birthday, I have always had plastic ones and frankly they are crap, but Rob suggested I have a electronic magnifier and a white light lamp to use in the kitchen, we talked about changing the spot lights in my kitchen and decided that replacing them with strip lights is a waste of time as by the time any light from the ceiling reaches where I am working, its pretty useless anyway, so hopefully the portable lamp I will be able to use all around the house, ermmm what else, oh yes, the bloody plastic up the tree, he says he is going to have a chat to the council...good luck with that! and also look at some security lighting for out the back of the house so I stop tripping and falling on my face when I put the bins out at night, I know I could put the bins out during the day, but you never know when you might need to wonder to the end of the garden in the dark! and seriously, a security light does what its supposed to do its a deterrent and makes one feel secure in ones own home don't you know!
I have also passed on my council tax drama onto the lovely Tracy at Action for Blind, she will sort through the endless stupid paper work and set up a conference call so it can be sorted, I think I told you that I lost my single person benefit because my daughter turned 18, this is all lovely, but at the moment is still in full time education and doesn't have a job, its a constant battle with these people and its such a relief to have support form someone who knows what the hell they are talking about! Anyway, I start my new working hours next week and today is the last day of the Easter hols, the sun is shinning so I am off out for a walk, I will let you all know how I get on with the new gadgets, Bye for now x
Just a quick photo of my glass magnifier, I know it looks like something out of a old mystery movie, but its brilliant!!