I hope everyone is staying safe and well. I have a mixture of feeling lucky that I've managed to get this far with out catching this cranky virus and worried about how hard it's going to hit when it moves into my house!
I been trying to keep things as normal as possible, so I've been attending a living with sight loss course, I probably mentioned it last time, it was a six week telephone conference call meeting type thing....I literally hated every single moment of it, I'm not really sure why.
It sound ridiculous but since loosing a lot of my sight, I have become this, blind person who has to do everything at break neck speed, I hate making mistakes, I hate other people thinking I'm less able to do something because I've got crappy sight, and I really really hate feeling that I have failed. Failure is not an option! So listening to someone telling me all about the things on offer for blind folks like me, was a real struggle. This sort of course is absolutely fantastic for people at the start of their sight loss journey, but I found it very depressing, I was either in a foul mood or crying my eyes out after each session.
I am fully aware of what my sight loss future holds, I am realistic, but I certainly do not intend to slow down any time soon, I'm not going to be sitting at home thinking about all the things I find difficult or can no longer do, yes I find some stuff tricky, but just because I find it tricky, it doesn't mean im not going to do it.
I've done ridiculous things, the other day I decided to get on with the massive pile of ironing which was sitting looking at me, so I happily got the iron and ironing board out, parked it in front of the TV and tuned into a lovely episode of mid summer murders, and cracked on, I was just getting to the last few bits when I realised that I hadn't even plugged the bloody iron in! I was just ironing away with a cold unplugged iron, I mean, what the actual fudge! I looked at the big pile of neatly folded piles of clothes, and thought crap, I've got to iron this lot again! Then, I thought, naaa, no-one will notice, and I took the clothes to their owners bedroom and hoped they didn't notice!
I trip over, I bump into things, but it just makes me more determined not to do it again.
The first time I went to restock one of the fridges at work, I found the glass sliding doors a bit of a challenge, I was rushing to make out I was wayyyy cool and could fill the fridges just as quickly as my sighted colleagues, when DONK, yep, I'm trying to fill the shelf with the door still shut, but this doesn't stop me, I have learnt not to try to keep up with everyone, and cop a feel of the glass sliding doors before I try to throw four ready made lasagna on the shelf! Another thing I've learnt, is to make sure those dam glass doors are locked open before filling the shelves, cos they can do a sneaky slide shut thing without me noticing....which also can result in a bit of a mess, or me face planting the glass.
Someone once said I am a fast learner, I'm not, I just don't make the same mistake twice and I look for a way around something I find difficult or I can't do.
I am irritated by people who don't have the same mind set as me, but that's my problem not theirs, I find it difficult to understand why you wouldn't find ways to move forward.
You know the thing I really love? Weather! I love to see the sky changing, it doesn't matter what the weather is like, I just love it, the other morning on the way to work, the sun was trying to get up, there was heavy low fog, and the sky was coloured pinks, purples and blues, it was blooming fantastic. The reason for this is because, I don't know when the last time I might see the sky is, it doesn't make me sad at all, it makes me feel like I am privileged to see the things that everyone takes for granted.
I haven't been effected by either of the lockdowns....yet....but I would kind of like a few weeks at home, I feel the need to create, make something, do some drawing, cook something nice, but best of all enjoy autumn, Autumn has to be the most beautiful season of the year, and I'm ready to get my boots on, buy my lil fella a new little coat....I saw wellies for dogs in the shop the other month, but I think Ralph would eat them....and get out there in the countryside and fill my head with all the sights......oh and I need to put the Christmas tree up, cos I LOVE Christmas lights.
Speak soon and stay safe xx
