Half Term

Well as half term comes to a end, I realise that I haven't done anything that I was supposed to do, in fact I have been rather lazy. This time last week my girls and I were waking up in Woodbridge, Suffolk at our friends house, we had a lovely weekend. My friend had been staying at our house for a few days, so on the Friday we went home with her, as we travelled from Bedfordshire to Suffolk the temperature began to drop, talk of picking up her husband and going for a meal soon turned into grabbing a Chinese take-away and heading for the best seat in front of the fire! Saturday I had two teenage daughters who didn't want to get out of bed, so my friend and I braved Woodbridge Tesco, I really don't know what it is about this shop, I cant seem to make a full shopping trip with out having a moment and am beginning to wonder if its like a learnt behaviour thing, you know...this always happens so its going to happen again! Anyway armed with bread rolls and tins of soup, and quite a lot of chocolate we drove back to the house, after lunch we walked over to the local garden centre, something was starting to fall from the sky and it was too light to be rain. I love Woodbridge, its a very beautiful part of our country, you can walk along the river by the tide mill, I especially love to hear all the boats masts clinking together where they are moored up, and there is something very relaxing about looking around the boat yard or just sitting watching the little boats bobbing around, anyway, I was desperate to get my fix of fresh air, but it wasn't to be, Sunday was even colder, so we stayed by the fire, my friend cooked a scrumptious Sunday lunch and then her husband drove us back home.

Daisy had the best seat in the house All weekend!

On a previous visit.

My youngest daughter and my friends husband doing exactly what you should be doing when in Woodbridge...Relaxing!

Sunday was Valentines day, a day that is emotional for me and my family as sadly we buried my Dad on Valentines day, this year it has been 19 years since we lost him at the grand old age of 49!! When we got home Ralph was so happy to see us and the Valentines day fairy in the shape of my partner had delivered heart shaped balloons, flowers, chocolates and a lovely card. As the week progressed and the various appointments had been met, it was Wednesday already, the girls were going on a shopping trip with their Dad, so my partner and I took the train to Peterborough, it was lovely to wonder around the shops with nothing much to buy, we had lunch, brought a Birthday present for my mates little boy and trundled back home...now, let me back track at bit, so, just before I learnt that my sight had definitely got worse, there had been some signs that things weren't so good, one of them being I found I couldn't see bugger all in the kitchen, so after much deliberation I thought how difficult can it be to simply change the light bulbs to a higher wattage? Right? NO! So, I climb up on a chair and fiddle about with these stupid down light things and finally the thing pops out, so does the entire plastic stuff which holds the bulb and all the electrical bits into the celling, the heat from the bulbs over time had corroded the plastic and there I was standing on a chair with all this black plastic crap all over my face and hair, several swearwords later I realise that i just made a bad situation a whole lot worse. What do I do? I get a man in of course...only this man is not your average man, has a look and rubs his chin and what comes out of his mouth made me dizzy.....Well love, you see, I could change them bulbs for ya, you gonna need new fixtures, its gonna cost ya, so why don't ya get in touch wiv someone who knows what sort of lighting you need in the kitchen to best help ya, AND ya neva know, there might be some sort of funding to help ya what wiv being blind and all...of course I don't mind doing it, but why don't ya check out all your options before chucking money at something that might not be right for you....HOLY SHIT!!!! I hate it when men have more common sense than me! So, anyway after my faith in human nature had been restored, I did just that! I contacted Action For Blind who gave me a link to Bedfordshire sensory Impairment team, who came to visit me on Wednesday afternoon. A really lovely lady who seemed very understanding, she asked lots of questions, filled in lots of forms, and agreed that I needed help with the right sort of lighting and, yes, there was funding to help me pay for the changes....see what happens when I listen to a bloke with more common sense than me! This will all take place ASAP, when ever that is!

Thursday and Friday flew by with more appointments, washing, ironing and housework, whilst I was sitting in Bedford college waiting for my eldest to come out of a interview, I was pretending to flick though my phone to avoid making small talk with the cleaner, when something caught my eye, someone had liked a Facebook page and for some reason it popped up on my phone, after a closer look I realised that it was a old work colleague, who had changed jobs and moved away, his page was called John Devitt Art, when I got home I looked him up on the laptop, sent him a friend request, then all these photos of paintings started filtering through, I was properly amazed, they were fab, and they way they are painted makes sense in my eyes, you need to see them to see what I mean, I found myself looking at them for ages and that old warm feeling of  how much I used to enjoy art seemed to just switch on, so yesterday I got out my pencils and found some paper and began to doodle again. They aren't the best sketches in the world, but this has given me a new chapter if you like, when I stop working, this is something that I can do...knew rules need to be applied and this week I have learnt to stop thinking about the things I wont be able to do when I can no longer work but focus on the things I can do, I suddenly feel inspired and confident for the future..

   

                                       My fat mouse and a dragon fly, I don't think its too bad for a blind lady who hasn't drawn in about 15 years!!

Action for Blind People

OK, so, Action for Blind People are a team of people offering help and support for blind, partially sighted people and their families across the country (England), they have been around for over 150 years, although, they have been known by different names over the years. Their main aim is to support people to live as independently as possible, offering support and information continuously. They have a fantastic website that is easy to access and understand, they also have a section about their Values and Visions...let me just read them to you...
To make every day better for everyone affected by sight loss, by being there when people need us, supporting independent living, creating a inclusive society and preventing sight loss.
Values
* Led by blind and partially sighted people; Blind and partially sighted people are at our heart and influence everything we do.
* Collaborative; We work together to make the biggest difference.
* Creative; We understand the challenges and find ways to over come them and move them forward.
* Inclusive; We include and value people with diverse experience, abilities and backgrounds.
* Open; We are honest, candid and transparent, challenging ourselves and others.
These values I have experienced first hand and I am overwhelmed with the support I have received.
Last year I had a problem with my council Tax, no offence if you work for the council, but it can be bloody useless at times, I needed to make some changes, what with being a lone parent, bla bla bla, they are always banging on about how important it is to notify them if there are any changes and yet when you do its suddenly becomes harder than rocket science! Anyway, I emailed Action and was put in touch with a lovely lady who supported me completely, she even set up conference calls to the council so we all knew which way things were going, I wouldn't consider myself completely 'green', but when it comes to these matters I just want to do my usual head in the sand thing,  luckily the Action lady wasn't taking fools gladly and didn't beat around the bush when it came to telling the lady from the council exactly what should be happening, Tracey from Action sure knows her stuff! She kept in regular contact with me, sent me out SAE so that I could send her any information she needed without it costing me anything, although to some people this may seem a very small problem (and actually, I suppose it is) but, none of the information from the council, regardless that it was all in small print, makes any sense, also there is the added factor that my sight is becoming so bad that I can no longer read for any length of time, I just cannot focus on the page, my eyes wonder and my brain will only acknowledge about three sentences at one time. I do miss reading books, but at this rate it would take me about two years to read a good book, and by then I would have forgotten what was happening in the start!
I first had contact with David a few years ago,  I had been signed off work for 6 months at the start of the sight loss thing and I needed to get back to work and start living as 'normally' as possible. David came out to my home and talked me through all sorts of stuff, then he came into work with me where we had a meeting with my boss and discussed how my role would need to be adapted to insure the safety of both the Children and myself, back then there were very little changes to be made, information that I needed should be in large print, I wasn't able to be in the play ground the same time as the children, as they move so fast I just couldn't track them or get out of the way quick enough when they are racing around on bikes, and of course, I just needed to take things a little slower than I used to do, also there would be some training on sight loss for the staff so that they understand that I am not being ignorant when I don't respond if someone is waving at me at the top of the corridor. Of course, with such a large school, with a million different things going on every day, its not often that I get anything in large print, unless we are going to church and the lady who organises the trips for the children, like Easter and Christmas, always insures I get a large print copy of the programme, so THANK YOU to you my lovely, and the training never happened as more important things came along instead as they inevitably do. So, I go back to work and find that I have some very supportive and understanding co-workers who made my life incredibly easier and happier. Even though I had gone back to work and was carrying on with my life, every now and then I would get a email from David, just asking how I was getting on and to contact him if I needed any help. The times I have contacted Action, I have always has a quick reply and a solution to my question. Now, as things have changed again and my sight has become worse I find myself needing support. After dropping a email to David he came to my house last week to discuss the balance between home and work life, which at the moment is incredibly unbalanced. We talked at length about what I expect for the future and given my age ( fairly youngish) and my need to remain in some sort of social circles, we agreed that simply giving up work and staying home wasn't a favourable option for the moment. we came up with three different options that I think are reasonable and next week he will be back to accompany me to a meeting with my boss, we, hopefully will be able to make an arrangement so that I can spend a little longer at work doing the job I love, I think if I had to give up work, I would miss the Children and some of the staff who have become very important to me over the 13 years I have worked for the school. It is so difficult to make a decision on my own, do I stop working and spend my time walking the dog, doing housework, and being there for my girls and taking life a whole lot slower? Or do I make reasonable adjustments to my work life, enjoy spending time with the children and co-workers as well as making sure I have time for my girls, walking the dog and taking life slightly slower? At the moment some thing has to change, i cannot keep going at this speed and I have accepted that change is on its way, staying in work is the last link to the life I used to have, my girls are growing up, the eldest leaves school this year and my youngest has possibly three years left at upper school, I certainly do not expect my children to look after me, so i need to make some sort of a plan now.....I just don't know where to start! And that's where Action step in, I know I will get the best advice and support, and I know any transition I have to make in the future will be with their support. Thank you Action.

Chalazion Meibomian Cyst

Last year, maybe about September time, my youngest daughter noticed a small lump on my right eye lid. I ignored it for a bit like you do and I couldn't see it so I wasn't really bothered, then, I recon it must have been Novemberish, she says...Mum, that 'spot' is getting bigger, I think you should take it to the doctors. So off I trundled to the doctors, he had a look and gave me a prescription for some cream that I should apply four times a day for a couple of weeks, I will admit that at first it was a bit hit and miss as I kept forgetting to put it on but as we rolled into December the daughter commented again that it was getting bigger, and now I could just about see it myself in the mirror and I could feel it on my contact lens. so, I made sure that for a good two weeks I used the cream four times a day. Anyway, January comes along and the cream doesn't really seem to have made much difference, so I made a mental note to go back to the doctors...mental notes are rubbish as I cant remember them, so, when I was reminded that I hadn't been to the doctors, I made a appointment for yesterday. Yesterday (Friday) was a lovely day, we had a good day at work, everything ran smoothly, I left work slightly early to get to my 4pm appointment, and got there just in time.
They are running 10 minutes late, which is ok, because I am watching a young mum trying her hardest to get her two small sons to play together nicely...not a chance, all she seemed to be doing was make the poor lads want to fight even more! Anyway I am called in...usual pleasantries..hello, what can I do for you today? Wellllll, firstly I would like you to check that my referral to Moorfields has been sent off please....why?....I am stunned, because I am bloody well asking you to check that's why, but I say, I need to know that it has gone off as a priority, he sighs deeply, sits back and flicks through the computer screen...Yeahhhh, its been sent, why are you being referred to Moorfields?...so I say sweetly, if you read the letter you will see that my sight has deteriorated again and as I am registered blind, he stops me with...WHAT!! No your not! you can see me right? Yes I can see you, I can feel all the little hairs on the back of my neck starting to prickle, my cheeks were burning and I could feel anger rising from somewhere very very deep inside me, but he carries on..Well, you don't look blind...what the F**k am I supposed to look like? I look at him and I know something very rude is about to come out of my mouth, so I redirect him back to the letter, Well I have permanent floaters in my bad eye and now I have them in my good one....Noooo they will go away..err, no they won't...Yeah, they will, everyone has floaters but they go away.....you sir are a ignorant dipshit! The floaters will not be going away, I have had them for three years, I have learnt to live with them and the only time they change is in bright sunlight when they get worse, under his breath he says, yeah, they'll go. Don't ask me how I didn't punch him in the face, I sat staring at him for a full minute and then without breaking eye contact, I say, secondly, I am here because I have a Cyst on my eye lid and the cream the last Doctor gave me didn't work, is there anything else that would work please? He pokes the cyst, why did you have cream? was it infected?....No, no infection...why did you have the cream then?...because the bloody Doctor gave me it to get rid of the bloody Cyst....No cream will get rid of the cyst, it needs surgery, cream won't work, he then turns his computer screen around to me and says look, this is a meibomian cyst....are you taking the piss, you know I cannot see that screen, I get up and move around to his side of the desk, which seemed to un nerve him a bit. I say, perhaps I should have Googled it, he says, that's a good idea and does just that!! He then finds the Moorfield website, finds some information on cysts and prints it out for me! I move back around the desk and pick up my coat, take the print out from him, and say with my head held high, shoulders back, boobs out (not that you'd notice they were out) and say, Thank you for your time, I will get someone to read this to me and when I get my appointment from Moorfields I will talk to my consultant about the cyst as he knows what he is talking about, have a lovely weekend.
OMG, I was furious, this man had made me doubt myself, made me feel like I was lying. I marched  home in the rain, stamping my feet and swearing under my breath, by the time I had got home I didn't know what sort of mood I was in, whatever I was feeling it wasn't good. on top of feeling like a idiot and a fraud, there was the possibility that I would need this stupid spot cut out, then there was the added humiliation and irritation of some Doctor prescribing me a medication that he knew I didn't need or wouldn't work, what the hell is that all about??? who in their right mind wants to be using a drug they don't need, not to mention the cost of handing out medicine to a patient that doesn't need it. I didn't want to talk to anyone and my evening was ruined, I wanted to go to bed and eat chocolate then more chocolate then fall asleep. As I have said many times, tomorrow is another day, today I feel completely different, I am annoyed about the medicine thing, but the Doctor isn't a ophthalmologist, I must have been one of his last appointments on a Friday, maybe he had had a long week, maybe his day hadn't been as good as mine and at the end of the day, my referral has been sent, I know that if Moorfields feel that the cyst needs surgery I will be in the best place in the world with highly experienced consultants and staff, so actually all that happened Friday evening was I got my knickers in a twist and let it upset my evening with my girls and my partner....and there, yet another lesson learned.