So....it seems I am a total failure in the world of blogging!!
But honestly, if I could tell you the nightmare the last six weeks have been, you'd be phoning EastEnders to give them a new story line!
As it is I cant tell you about it, sorry!, but its been one of those times when you are reminded that life is so very delicate, and although there are still tough times ahead life could be so very different.
Its taken me a while to pull me and my family up, but I think we are winning...well I hope we are!!
During the last six weeks I have put myself in situations that I promised myself I wouldn't. One of those times was a couple of weeks ago, we had all had a particularly bad morning, the weather was shocking but we had to go to town, My eldest drove me, my youngest and my Mum into Hitchin and we parked at Waitrose. I tell you, it was one of those days when everything you touch you knock, drop or loose.
When you are in the safety of your own home you can just about cope with days like this, but when mixing with the unforgiving general public the day becomes overwhelming. We walked to Wilkinson's where I realised I had left my shopping list at home and stood in the 'back to school 'isle with kids and adults whizzing around me wondering what the hell I had gone in there for. So I left my fam in the shop and went to the chemist next door to drop off a prescription, i told them I would return for the prescription in about 15 minutes. and went to find the others in Wilko, after 20 minutes of wondering up and down the isles, bumping into people and tripping over children, I found them. We then wondered up to New Look so I could pay my store card bill. There I stood at the till trying to pay the bill with my bus pass!! By now I was starting to feel lightheaded and anxious, so we walked back to Waitrose, grabbed a basket and headed in (through the door like you do) then I realised Alice wasn't behind me and had gone off to the cash machine, which is just by the door. So I turned around and called to her to let her know where I was going, as I turned back a man had started to come out of the door, I literally came nose to nose with him and my basket got squashed in-between our knees and his shopping, no words were exchanged as he scowled and pushed me into the doors, wedging me and my empty basket in the door, he then pushed past and continued out of the shop. My daughter had witnessed the incident and had run back in to the shop yelling at the bloke to stop squashing her Mummy....actually that's not what she was yelling at all, my 19 years old, quiet, friendly and always polite was yelling... WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!! he ignored her too!
By the time I had untangled myself from the doors, the man had gone and my daughter was at my arm taking my basket, but I could feel my whole being shrink, my confidence, everything that makes me..me, had disappeared and all I wanted to do was run away. I tried to do my shopping but as the list was still at home I brought cake and crisps and went home. The second I walked through my front door, I remembered I hadn't been back for the bloody prescription, so I gave up, had a hot bath, put my PJ's on and went to bed. Unfortunately the following day I just couldn't go out, I was happy around the house and walked Ralph to the top of the road and back. I find it astounding that one persons actions can have such a profound effect on another's. I so wish I could have just forgotten it, but the mans face and the smell of his breath was all I could think about.
My youngest daughter reminded me that If I had my cane the bloke might have been a little kinder! Don't you just hate it when you kids are more sensible than you!
On top of everything else I am still struggling with the problem in my bowel, eating the 'right' foods is literally a mine field, I feel uncomfortable and exhausted all the time, I have two visits to the hospital in a fortnight so hopefully I will know more by then and I have my fingers and toes crossed that I will start to feel better, because I am fed up with it. Today I decided (After going out for a curry last night, and feeling dreadful ill after) to start a food diary and to start totally avoiding food that upset me, even if that means staying away from my favourites...nuts, fruit, veg, olives and brown or seeded bread....so wish me luck and I will speak to you all really soon xx
Thursday 31 August 2017
Friday 18 August 2017
Greece
I hope you are all well?
Well, I truly don't know where the last week has gone, our holiday to Greece already seems a life time ago, and despite all the little disasters we had along the way I managed to spend some time relaxing and pondering......Pondering is something I actually did a lot of, and people watching, nothing better than sitting on a sunbed with sunglasses on and people watching. When we arrived the hotel had put my girls in a lovely room on the first floor, but had put me down in the dungeons in a room that smelt terrible, had no natural light, the mattress on the bed was so thin the springs were jabbing out, the room was just nasty. The corridor leading to the room was dark and the stair case leading down to the corridor was a beautiful white marble, just great for someone who cant see very well.
This lead to a very pissed off other half whose calm chat did the trick and we were moved to a room that was perfect, brightly lit corridors, a working shower, and a balcony over looking the swimming pool, by the end of day two we were all finally in holiday mode. Anyway, back to pondering and people watching. I am not really sure I (or anyone) can say this out loud these days but, watching children play is better than television, They are hilarious, they see everything in black and white and their imagination is incredible.
There was this little boy who has chocolate coloured skin and the bluest eyes, a really beautiful child who will be a complete heart breaker as he grows up, but right now at the grand old age of about 18 months I recon, he was most entertaining and had everyone running around after him....then there was two little sisters, the youngest of the two was nothing more than a spoilt brat, she had decided that one of the inflatables (and there were loads of inflatables) belonged to her, and she was having it no matter what or who was in her way, she spent most of the day screeching that she MUST have it, it was kind of comforting that everyone else around the pool was fed up with her too.
The sun bed fight was also a very entertaining part of my day, and I soon discovered that in order to get a sunbed you had to go down to the pool at 5.45am in your PJ's with your towels, and 'save' your beds, I say 'save' because if you weren't careful people just folded up your towel and hid it behind the wall!!
So, as soon as I was back in my room after saving my sunbeds, I sat on the balcony and watched as people scurried around moving sunbeds and towels (other peoples towels) so they had got the best position for all day sunbathing. I began wondering if people actually set their alarms to go and put their towels on beds, the pool wasn't open until 8am, but some people became really obsessed over what they considered, their sunbeds, and if someone beat them too it they had the arse for the rest of the day, this then caused the little evil devil I have inside me to try and poach other peoples sunbeds just because I found it funny to hear the mumbles of disgust that someone had dared to get their favourite beds before they did.
Our room was on the second floor, second room in from the right, the one with the door open, perfect viewing point!
The hotel was on top of a small but steep hill, Zante is one of the most beautiful islands I have ever been on, the residents are so very friendly, and the food is amazing. Their way of life is something many people can only dream of, I don't remember seeing one police car or any sign of trouble at all. Everyone is so relaxed, no one is in a rush or chasing some sort of ridiculous schedule, what doesn't get done today will still be there tomorrow kind of attitude. It got me pondering about life at home, all our racing around, our incessant need to follow rules and regulations, and our rudeness. As British people I think we are quite a rude bunch and I did notice a few times the way that a British person spoke to or ignored a Greek person and it made me feel embarrassed to be British, not everyone was like that, there is always going to be a few idiots that tarnish peoples images of what people from other countries should be and act like.
These two photos were taken at the bottom of the hill on the walk into town, we found a couple of wonderful restaurants and the most amazing gift shop ever
Every holiday I book they always ask if I need extra help, and I always say no as I feel that my family are with me and they will help me to the right places at the right times BUT Luton airport at 4 o'clock in the morning was nothing more than carnage! weaving up and down the sectioned areas was a bloody nightmare, I used my white cane but the volume of people moving was just too much and made me feel dizzy. A couple of times I felt eyes watching me and could feel their wearers wanting to ask me if I needed help but not daring too in case they offend! The next holiday I book I will definitely ask for help, not only for me but for my family, they spent most of the time worrying about me, checking that I wasn't bumping into people or tripping or falling on steps that I hadn't seen, or on suitcases, even people sitting on the floor were a hazard that I hadn't seen.
So, after the pain of last week, I only had a couple of times when I felt unwell, I managed to eat and drink sensibly and am looking forward to the endoscopy in September (NOT). I found a photo of me and my daughter at our friends wedding, you would never have believed how much pain I was in....
Well, Ralph is nagging me to take him for a walk so I will leave you with a lovely photo of the beach near our hotel.
xx
Monday 7 August 2017
Back fired blog
Hi Everyone,
Well, it seems that my positive attitude and the promise to blog more often back fired on me already!
Last weekend, I started to feel unwell, to be honest, I haven't felt right for months, groggy, tired and cranky all the time, and as I said in the last blog I blamed it on pace of life and setting my expectations to high....seems this was a load of old balls, as not feeling well rapidly turned in to feeling like shit, which by last Saturday night had turned into an uncomfortable ache in my stomach. Constipation...off I drag myself around to the local corner shop and buy a big pot of Andrews liver salts....that will do the trick. After diluting and drinking most of the tub by Sunday night with no change a little alarm bell began to do its thing in the darkest dustiest part of my brain....BUT I have a wedding to attend on Monday AND my Mums Birthday on Tuesday...so as usual, true to form I ignored it. Ignore is a bit of a fib, as I couldn't ignore the pain that had moved from the top of my stomach to the lower right. I was now mixing painkillers and Andrews (see, I know how to party!) but neither were giving me any relief, so I smiled and chatted my way through the wedding (Which was beautiful by the way) and, well, I am not really sure how I got through the Tuesday which was Mums Birthday, I remember sitting in Nandos wondering if the sick feeling was because, i was hungry, I had taken too much Andrews or because there was something wrong with me.
Wednesday morning when I tried to get out of bed my body wouldn't work, I was having trouble breathing and the pain in my stomach was a complete bitch, dare I say, worse than labour pains!
A appointment with my doctor got him in a panic and he phoned straight through to Lister hospital, where over the phone they thought my appendix had burst.
So I was whizzed to A&E, where I was whizzed elsewhere, from there things slowed down and the blood tests, x-rays and CT scans started. I think I was in a unit called ACU, I had a room on my own and although I had my Mum with me I was frightened, the nurses didn't really tell you to much, they kept popping in removing more of my blood then injecting something to prevent blood clots into my stomach whilst pouring painkillers and fluids through a drip attached to a cannula.
There was this old guy in the room beside me who was slightly deaf so he was shouting about all his nitty gritty for all to hear......CAN I AV A FAG? ....no sir, you cant smoke in the hospital......WELL PUSH ME OVA TO THAT WINDOW AND I'LL AV A FAG OUTTA THE WINDOW..... I am sorry sir but no.....WELL CAN SOMEONE PUSH ME OUTSIDE FOR A FAG THEN.....No, we cannot send a member of staff to take you for a cigarette sir.......DO YOU KNOW I FOUGT FOR THIS COUNTRY, AN I AVNT AD A WASH FOR FREEE WEEKS, SO CAN I AV A FAG.......silence for what felt like a long time, I was in so much pain I wanted to push the old sod out of the window myself for a bloody fag....then all I heard was a sigh and the nurse walking away. All afternoon and into the night he moaned about wanting a fag, when he finally fell asleep he began to snore, not a gentle snore, but a great big fat bellowing din....I began to cry.
Three oclock in the morning the surgeon comes around to tell me my appendix are fine and that there seems to be a problem with my bowel, but to try to get some sleep and there would be further investigations the following day. With the night nurse coming in every 15 minutes to do their checks there was much chance of any sleep.
The following day I was moved to swift ward, there was definitely more entertainment, the woman in the bed beside me did nothing but moan and groan from the minute so got in the room. When my doctor came round he informed me that I have something called Colitis and I would be having a endoscopy as soon as the present bout had calmed down.
As soon as the doctor had left, I was on my phone googling it, lots of boxes were ticked and I felt quietly reassured. So as they had given my a diagnosis I assumed I was going home so I packed up all my stuff and prepared for home.
But alas, nope, they decided they liked me that much that they wanted to keep me another couple of days.
This did piss me off a bit as I had missed having some of Mums birthday cake, and it was chocolate AND it was from Waitrose, Waitrose make the best cake ever! Still with the cannula attached I went for a little stroll around the ward with my trolley carrying my drugs dripping through the tube, there at the top of the corridor, being admitted was the old guy from the day before. I walked as fast as I could wheel my trolley back to my bed, that's it, there was no way I was going to stop another night with the old guy moaning about wanting a fag and the woman in the other bed winging and going into graphic detail about how she uses a bed pan.
When the doctor came around on Friday Morning I was up and dressed and I informed him that I felt loads better and I was going home, he laughed and walked away, later on he came back with his friend and my notes and after a lot of do's and dont's I was allowed home. Over the last few days I have done a lot of sleeping and not much else. Tomorrow, I go to Greece for a week, so I fully intend to do lots of resting. When I get back, I will try once again to blog more!!
Speak Soon xx
Well, it seems that my positive attitude and the promise to blog more often back fired on me already!
Last weekend, I started to feel unwell, to be honest, I haven't felt right for months, groggy, tired and cranky all the time, and as I said in the last blog I blamed it on pace of life and setting my expectations to high....seems this was a load of old balls, as not feeling well rapidly turned in to feeling like shit, which by last Saturday night had turned into an uncomfortable ache in my stomach. Constipation...off I drag myself around to the local corner shop and buy a big pot of Andrews liver salts....that will do the trick. After diluting and drinking most of the tub by Sunday night with no change a little alarm bell began to do its thing in the darkest dustiest part of my brain....BUT I have a wedding to attend on Monday AND my Mums Birthday on Tuesday...so as usual, true to form I ignored it. Ignore is a bit of a fib, as I couldn't ignore the pain that had moved from the top of my stomach to the lower right. I was now mixing painkillers and Andrews (see, I know how to party!) but neither were giving me any relief, so I smiled and chatted my way through the wedding (Which was beautiful by the way) and, well, I am not really sure how I got through the Tuesday which was Mums Birthday, I remember sitting in Nandos wondering if the sick feeling was because, i was hungry, I had taken too much Andrews or because there was something wrong with me.
Wednesday morning when I tried to get out of bed my body wouldn't work, I was having trouble breathing and the pain in my stomach was a complete bitch, dare I say, worse than labour pains!
A appointment with my doctor got him in a panic and he phoned straight through to Lister hospital, where over the phone they thought my appendix had burst.
So I was whizzed to A&E, where I was whizzed elsewhere, from there things slowed down and the blood tests, x-rays and CT scans started. I think I was in a unit called ACU, I had a room on my own and although I had my Mum with me I was frightened, the nurses didn't really tell you to much, they kept popping in removing more of my blood then injecting something to prevent blood clots into my stomach whilst pouring painkillers and fluids through a drip attached to a cannula.
There was this old guy in the room beside me who was slightly deaf so he was shouting about all his nitty gritty for all to hear......CAN I AV A FAG? ....no sir, you cant smoke in the hospital......WELL PUSH ME OVA TO THAT WINDOW AND I'LL AV A FAG OUTTA THE WINDOW..... I am sorry sir but no.....WELL CAN SOMEONE PUSH ME OUTSIDE FOR A FAG THEN.....No, we cannot send a member of staff to take you for a cigarette sir.......DO YOU KNOW I FOUGT FOR THIS COUNTRY, AN I AVNT AD A WASH FOR FREEE WEEKS, SO CAN I AV A FAG.......silence for what felt like a long time, I was in so much pain I wanted to push the old sod out of the window myself for a bloody fag....then all I heard was a sigh and the nurse walking away. All afternoon and into the night he moaned about wanting a fag, when he finally fell asleep he began to snore, not a gentle snore, but a great big fat bellowing din....I began to cry.
Three oclock in the morning the surgeon comes around to tell me my appendix are fine and that there seems to be a problem with my bowel, but to try to get some sleep and there would be further investigations the following day. With the night nurse coming in every 15 minutes to do their checks there was much chance of any sleep.
The following day I was moved to swift ward, there was definitely more entertainment, the woman in the bed beside me did nothing but moan and groan from the minute so got in the room. When my doctor came round he informed me that I have something called Colitis and I would be having a endoscopy as soon as the present bout had calmed down.
As soon as the doctor had left, I was on my phone googling it, lots of boxes were ticked and I felt quietly reassured. So as they had given my a diagnosis I assumed I was going home so I packed up all my stuff and prepared for home.
But alas, nope, they decided they liked me that much that they wanted to keep me another couple of days.
This did piss me off a bit as I had missed having some of Mums birthday cake, and it was chocolate AND it was from Waitrose, Waitrose make the best cake ever! Still with the cannula attached I went for a little stroll around the ward with my trolley carrying my drugs dripping through the tube, there at the top of the corridor, being admitted was the old guy from the day before. I walked as fast as I could wheel my trolley back to my bed, that's it, there was no way I was going to stop another night with the old guy moaning about wanting a fag and the woman in the other bed winging and going into graphic detail about how she uses a bed pan.
When the doctor came around on Friday Morning I was up and dressed and I informed him that I felt loads better and I was going home, he laughed and walked away, later on he came back with his friend and my notes and after a lot of do's and dont's I was allowed home. Over the last few days I have done a lot of sleeping and not much else. Tomorrow, I go to Greece for a week, so I fully intend to do lots of resting. When I get back, I will try once again to blog more!!
Speak Soon xx
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