parking permits

Let me tell you all about this thing that is going on, the more I think about it the more it pisses me off!!
I live in a small cul-de-sac, although we live in a large village, my area is fairly quiet. we have a small car park in front of our houses, where the residents park. Occasionally, very occasionally, someone, usually a commuter, parks their car in the car park and walks the four minutes from our car park to the train station which provides direct routes into London and Peterborough and easy access to the Cambridge line, from these stations you can get just about anywhere in the country, so our little station gets busy, the connecting bus routes for surrounding villages is quite poor. so many people drive and park around the roads as near to the train station as they can, without the need to buy a ticket for the official train station car park, which frankly is a ridiculous price. A few years ago a field bedside the station was turned into a large pay and display carpark, which is well used especially during the week and is a reasonable price (well, I think its reasonable anyway....£3 a day??)
Anyways, it seems that some of the roads, especially the only road in and out of the village was starting to get grid locked in the morning for a hour, as the world started to get off to work, bloody great lorries are trying to get in and out of the village at the same time as the school run (which is not as calm as I am sounding), not to mention all the school coaches delivering all our little darlings to the upper school a couple of villages away, then of course you get the drivers (male and female I might add) who have absolutely no idea of what is going on outside of their lump of metal and frankly drive like a twat!
And so, the council decide that they will put out a survey, it was quite straight forward, pit a tick or cross in the box, normal questions....Do you think parking in your road is a problem?....X.
Do you think parking permits would help?....X.
Bla Bla Bla......I returned the form and thought no more about it, until the parking signs started to go up last week.
Then a letter from central Bedfordshire council arrives...
From the 21st November if I want to park my car in the car park in front of my house I will need to purchase a permit.
This is where it starts getting messy, despite the fact that, according to a reliable source, only a very small percentage of residents wanted parking permits put into place, they are here and the rules are so patchy.
The restrictions are between 10am and 4pm, you cannot park unless you have a permit, parking for one hour is allowed if your car is registered to your address.
So, I do not own a car, as being blind, means sadly I am unable to drive one!
But my partner does own a car, but because he doesn't live with me, the car isn't registered to my address and therefore I am unable to get a permit for him to park at my house. I am unable to put my 'blue badge' in his car as you are not allowed to use the badge in a residential street, apparently!
I have to buy a visitors pass, at the grand price of £30 for a book of 25 passes, which means I am going to be paying £30 every other week, as people visit me all the time.
My neighbour has four cars parked outside, but because they work full time, and their cars aren't in the car park during the permit times they don't have to buy a permit, which incidentally would mean they pay £90 a year for permits, its £10 a year for one car and goes up to £90 for four.
But the old lady who lives in one of the bungalows across the carpark is retired and has a car, she has to pay £10 for her car and £30 for a visitors pass for her son who visits regularly.
What a complete cock up, I am so cross that some twat thought this is ok, they don't give a shit about the people this is effecting, they just gonna sit back and take the money.
I have emailed the council, but the guy is away on leave! Bet the silly sod is off with stress as half of the village must be on his back, I have left a message saying that the council can come along and drop the curb in front of my front lawn and my visitors can park on my garden, betcha he don't reply!
AND, I don't know, maybe its just me, but if, like next door, their four cars leave the car park from about 6am they are all gone by 8am, they don't return home until about 6pm. then why cant commuters park in the carparks within that time?
The road that gets parked on the most is a street where all the houses have drives, most of, if not all, of those residents have driven off to work within those times so whey not let a commuter park on your drive while you are at work, it clears the road and makes it look like there is someone at your house which might put off a burglar or two.
We are all people and we are all trying to get somewhere, so why do we have to fight each other, there has to be a easier way, I know its just a parking permit, I just feel that people would rather hate on each other than help each other these days, and also how can things like parking be taken out of our hands so freely and easily, we are not the middle of London, we are a fairly quite village...OHHHHH I am having a right moan this morning...I will leave you now,
                                                              Happy Halloween xx

Encounter with the 'C' word

Hi Everyone,
I am just sitting here thinking how quickly our lives and routines can change, and how we sometimes let these changes upset us.
I recently went for the dreaded smear test, as soon as I was out of the doctors surgery it was forgotten and lost in amongst all the other million things that are racing around in my head. Until, a couple of days later I had a call from my Doctor receptionist to say there were abnormal cells found in the smear test and to expect a hospital appointment through the post, if I hadn't received it within a week I had to call the receptionist and she would chase it up, equally if I had heard from the hospital could I ring and let the receptionist know! Thank you!
I truly felt like I had been hit by a bus, my brain completely emptied of any useful thoughts and I just couldn't function properly. I kept telling myself that once I had the appointment I would feel better....that didn't work, as promised the letter arrived within a week offering me a appointment at Bedford hospital in three weeks. All I have been through in my life was nothing compared to that three week wait!
I have stuffed my face constantly, whyyyyy cant I be one of those people who stop eating when I am stressed, its just not bloody fair! I recon I have put on two stone!
The longest three weeks ever found me tearful, cranky, unable to focus or tolerate anyone....literally ANYONE, my mind started playing games, noticing changes in my body which I hadn't noticed before, although those changes might have been there before and I just hadn't noticed them!!!
The morning of the appointment I felt so sick I just wanted to go back to bed and forget it was happening. Unfortunately this was not an option so I was dragged to the hospital.
The appointment was at 9am, if I needed treatment it would start on the day or if I needed surgery I would be given a date at the appointment, so in my tiny little head I had prepared myself for the worst cos anything other than that is a bonus right?...
The nurses at the hospital were fantastic, very soothing and reassuring, and as I changed into my very fetching open backed hospital gown, I couldn't help thinking how lucky I was that I was first on the list before other ladies sat on the same chair, mine would be all done while they where still sitting in the waiting room!
As It happens, the doctor did find some what they call pre cancerous cells, just a small sprinkling, the Doctor said that he wouldn't treat them at the moment but I will need regular check ups to monitor them.
It took ages for the information to sink in to my brain as I had convinced myself that I would have the very worst news. As I sat in the car on the way home the information started to sink in, I felt like a complete twat, worrying about something that wasn't as bad as I thought, then I felt foolish, all the millions of people around the world, who do receive the very worst news, how the hell do they cope, I have had a very small encounter with the 'C' word, what I have been through over the last month is nothing compared to the brave souls who are living with and fighting this disease, and what about the strain on their families and the people that love them, its the fear of the unknown and being completely out of control of the situation that scared me the most, and I was unable to take the worry away from my family.
By the time we got home my brain had started to function normally, I had felt like I couldn't move forward, there were birthday cards I needed to buy and send, bills that I had ignored and phone calls I needed to deal with, all these things I managed to catch up with by the end of the day.
You never really know what's going on in someone's life, the person standing at the till in a supermarket with a long line of shoppers behind them as they fumble around trying to get their bank card into the card reader the right way around, just might not be doing it on purpose, I will try to repress my irritation and remember not everyone is as lucky as me and comes away from a hospital appointment with the news they wanted to hear.
So, as I stood at the train station at 6.30am this morning, as daughter number one had caught the 5.40am train into London, but as she got off the train at Kings Cross had realised that she had left her travel card on the kitchen table, I tried to remember how lucky I am, after all its only a train ticket no one is gonna die...I was quite prepared to get the train to London and give her the ticket so she could continue with the journey, but as it happened the problem was resolved very easily as she brought a new ticket at the barrier on platform one KC, and I managed to get a refund for the original ticket here in Arlesey.
I will leave you now with a photo of my little mate, who has also been upset by all the emotion in our house, its funny how dogs can sense what's going on...xx

Contact Lens Solution problems

Hey Everyone, What a manic week, I don't even know where the week has gone! Autumn is setting in here and at the beginning of the week I had a lovely dog walk in the fog, it took twice as long to walk the route as usual and I am sure I looked a right pratt walking in the fog with my sun glasses on, but I would have ended up with a ugly head ache because everywhere was so fog bright.
I suppose I could have done the 'safe' thing and stayed in doors until the fog lifted, but where is the fun in that? I think its important for us to experience as much as we can while we are here, we are here for such a short time in the grand scale of things so, pack as much in as you can while you can, even if it is as small as a dog walk in the fog, who would want to miss scenes like these....

I have been a little cranky this week, I still haven't had a delivery from RNIB, I sent them a email on Sunday and the automatic reply said they would reply to me within one working day, Tuesday I still hadn't heard from them so I got on the phone, they were very sympathetic and after a lot of chatter the guy on the other end of the phone thinks that the electronic magnifier is out of stock so this is delaying my whole order, frankly, I am a little pissed off, I placed the order on the 8th September and the whole order was in stock, they took over £400 out of my bank account two days later, today is the 14th October! The very last thing that was said to me on Tuesday was, we will send you a email to let you know what's happening, today, like I said, is Friday, and nooooo flipping email!!

Anyway, I had the hump, but I needed to go in to town to buy contact lens solution, so, off I go on the bus to town.....I should have stayed home!

As I am sure I have told you guys before, my contact lenses are hard gas per minable, soft contact lenses just cannot be made strong enough to give me as much sight as I have right now, and the lenses in my glasses are so thick and still don't give me as much vision as my contacts. I use a solution from Boots that I have used for years, its like a peroxide solution, you squirt solution into the pot, put my contacts into the little cradle thingy and there is a little disk at the bottom of the pot that reacts with the solution, the little cradle thingy screws into the solution pot and it fizzes like mad, sterilises, cleans and removes protein from my contacts, the only draw back is that you have to leave them in the solution for at least 6 hours, but that's not really a problem for me. The solutions that you can get where you have a little pot, squirt the solution in the pot and then clean your lenses with the solution, you are supposed to put a lens in the palm of your hand, put some solution on top and then rub it well with a finger, this is fine, and works great for some people, BUT for me and loads of others, as soon as that contact lens is out of my eye, I cant see bugger all, all that rubbing the lens is firstly wayyyy to fiddly, then if I drop it I am in trouble, I cant put my glasses on because I cant take both contacts out at the same time as then I run the risk of getting them the wrong way around, or loosing them both!

A couple of months ago I noticed that it was getting harder to buy my solution from boots...

This is the stuff I use, when I first enquired about it, I was told they had low stock but more would be coming soon, fab, so every where I went I looked for a Boots and checked out the situation, I found some when I was in Suffolk at the start of the summer holidays, so I brought a couple of bottles (they last a month), now I am running low again, so I popped into Boots where they told me that they had moved some their solutions to Boots opticians shops, so, off I trundle to Boots opticians, when I enquired I was told, in a slightly snotty tone, that Boots no longer stock that particular solution as it is being miss used and is dangerous....MISS USED FOR WHAT???

So, I give her my sweetest smile, which probably looked a lot like I had wind, and said, 'ok then, so what do you intend to put in place for people like me then who rely on this form of solution?'.....Silence....a long long silence, so I crossed my arms, lent on one leg and said, you are a massive company and as far as I can see you are catering for people who use disposable or soft lenses, there is nothing on your shelves today that you can offer me in place of my usual solution, what am I supposed to do?......she says...'so, which hospital are you under?'.....what I wanted to say was WTF has that got to do with anything and mind your own business, but I said...'Moorfields, London' the look in her eyes said...'shit!' , she then suggested I rang them and asked them what I should do......woman, I have wasted toooo much time talking to you, you are supposed to be a professional, I know exactly what I will be doing next. I went across the road to a independent opticians, who had exactly the same solution on their shelves, produced by the same company but in different packaging and unfortunately quite a bit dearer than Boots, but I am relived to say I have three months contact lens solution.

Different bottle, same stuff!

Not a very good photo of my glasses, but you can sort of see how thick the lenses are.

Anyway, I came home feeling a bit fed up really.

Its funny how things worry you without you really realising you are worrying about it, I had a call from Bedfordshire mental health and wellbeing service, They wanted to talk about my referral and to talk about what sort of support they could offer me. So, Thursday at 11am, I had another call from a guy from the team and we had a meeting over the phone that lasted about 45 mins, he asked lots of questions and we talked about some of the worries and very lightly touched on some of the 'trauma'. He was very easy to talk to and I felt comfortable being totally honest with him. Towards the end of the meeting he talked about the different services they offer, there is two major services with three different ways of delivering the service within those criteria's. The first is counselling, but he thought, as do I, that this will not benefit me, and the other is cognitive behaviour therapy, 1 being a group therapy, 2 was a mix of online support and the 3rd is like a 1-1 service, I am going for the 3rd option. He gave me the option of choosing a male or female therapist, I don't think I am bothered either way at the moment, this might change when it comes down to discussing the nitty gritty. But we will see! According to this guy, CBT is more of a practical approach, and has better results longer term, which is what I want, I want to feel better about life. He used a way of talking that I could really relate too. He said often our thoughts are like airing cupboards, we keep stuffing towels and sheets in until it becomes so full that the door keeps popping open, all of the contents need to come out, be folded up and replaced neatly...that sums things up exactly. The waiting list is about four months and you are offered 8 to 10 sessions, I don't mind waiting, this crap has been floating around in my head for 26 years few more months wont make much difference.

I hope this blog makes sense, I am way to tried to try to read it back tonight, so sorry for any spelling mistakes, and speak to you soon x

New lighting!!!!

See you don't hear from me in weeks then two come along in one day! Last Tuesday I had a call from Rob at the visual impairment team, 'just checking' as he does. 'Have you had your lighting done yet?'.....errrr No...silence then a sigh, 'what about the slabs outside the back gate?' ........errrr nope...more silence, then, 'and what about your delivery from RNIB?'....errr  its still not arrived yet, I heard a lot of rustling down the phone line, 'right, you get on to finding out where the order is and I will get on to sorting the other two. After another sigh, he continued to ask me the usual stuff, how am I doing? am I getting out and about? Do I need anything? We chatted about the online counselling that I had and we talked about the pro's and con's of having a online counselling service, when I thought I had got him sweet enough, I slipped in that I was thinking about getting a bike again, not to go far, just to try it, and what sort of support did I get with this?.....NO,NO AND NO, you are not safe on a bike, he said he would never tell anyone not to try anything, but NO, you are not getting on a bike...........silly man doesn't know me very well!!
So, he says he will call me in a few weeks to see how I am doing, but I need to get onto looking for the order. Literally 10 minutes later, while I was looking for the email confirmation for my order, the phone rings and its Aaron the electrician, can he come and do the lights?...can you come? I've been waiting since bloody February....naaaa leave it a couple of months! Of course you can come do the lights (That Rob must have been kicking someone's backside for me to get a call that quick).
Suddenly my spirits lifted, I found the email and rang a lovely lady named Sue at RNIB, she couldn't find any trace of my order, funny that, because they managed to find the little numbers ok that meant they could remove over £400 from my bank account to pay for the lost order, I waited while she 'chatted' to her supervisor, who as if by magic found the order and was going to 'put it in the first class post today madam', first class is pretty crap these days then, as that was Tuesday and today is Monday and I still haven't got the order!
The council say they will be out within 48 hours to sort the uneven slabs, again that was last Tuesday, I recon their calculator is broken, cos even I can work out that more than 48 hours passed days ago!
Yesterday, I have this guy (he didn't have a name, this might be cos it was 9am on a Sunday morning, and no bugger wants to give eye contact at that time of the morning let alone exchange pleasantries) he was a sub contractor from Aaron and fudge me I cannot believe the difference the lights have made in the kitchen, I was sooo excited, I rang Mum and demanded she walk up to the house to see the lights, I went and dragged the girls out of bed to have a look, I even stood in the kitchen talking to the dog in that stupid high pitched voice we use when we talk to animals....LOOK WICKKLE WOOFIEEE, MUMMY CAN EVEN SEE THAT YOUR FOOD COMES IN TWO DIFFERENT COLOURS NOW, DID YOU KNOW YOUR FOOD COMES IN TWO DIFFERENT COLOURS WICKKLE PUP, AND LOOK HOW SHINNY YOUR BOWL IS, YOUR SO LUCKY TO LIVE IN A HOUSE WITH SUCH LOVELY KITCHEN LIGHTS, with this stupid great grin I turn around to see the electrician looking at me with his mouth open clearly thinking what the f**k is that woman on!
When I had calmed down a bit from the light excitement I started to look abound the kitchen, the lights are so bright I can see in the draws and cupboards, I can even see in the dish washer, trouble is you can also see food splattered up the wall tiles, the kitchen floor is just nasty and dust, how the hell does a kitchen get dusty?

I keep wondering into the kitchen just to turn the lights on they are fantastic and will make a massive difference to how I manage in the kitchen.

This is the new light at the front, I am not overly keen on it, but it does what its supposed to do and has a gentle light as soon as dusk sets in and then comes on bright and blinds people as they walk up the path! Perfect!

This however, is my super-duper flood light at the back of the house and OMG does it flood the garden with light or what! Its got two setting one is on a sensor the other is just on, I will be able to go out to the bins and see to the rabbit at night without tripping over or trampling on slugs and snails.

Fingers crossed for my delivery this week or I shall have to get on the phone again and speak to Sue!

Funny how a small thing like replacing the lighting can make such a big difference, I did and do feel that I am a little sad to get so excited over such a trivial thing, but if you knew the trouble I have preparing food, it makes me want to get preparing veg and start cooking! Well, later.....x

Rambling again!

Helloooooo, I'm still here, I just don't know where the last three weeks have gone. I try not to let time slip through my fingers and feel like I haven't achieved anything, but I seemed to have arrived at a bit of a lull where I go to work and come home, and that's about it!
Last week I started to feel the begining of a cold, you know niggling sore throat and a bit of a runny nose, but nothing to write home about, Friday I was grumpy at work, from leaving work at 3.45pm to arriving home 20 minutes later, the niggling cold had exploded into some sort of evil bug, pounding head ache, sore eyes, streaming nose, hot sweats and that heavy feeling your body gets. I went straight to bed and that, more or less, is where I have been all weekend, except Sunday morning when the guy came to put new lights in the kitchen, there was nooooo way I was going to put him off, I could have been half dead and I would still have let him in the front door.
The thing is, when I get ill it effects my balance, Its most likely something to do with the fact that my ears are blocked and my nose is stuffed with green crap so my brain cant rely on those senses to help me, I have this vision of little men all running around in my brain shouting...OHHHH NOOOO THE EARS ARE ALL MUFFLED WE CANT HEAR WHATS GOING ON, AND THERE IS NO SENSE OF SMELL,...AHHHH WELL, BUGGER IT LETS HAVE THE DAY OFF AND LET HER GET ON WITH IT! and so everything becomes more distorted and I become more wobbly than usual, which makes me irritable cos is just a bloody cold.
I know this time of the year, Autumn in England, is when everyone starts picking up bugs as the season changes, the nights start drawing in and its dark in the mornings, the days start very chilly,  are quite warm by lunch time and then pouring with rain by tea time, you don't know what to wear!!
I suppose it can be very depressing, but I love autumn, my absolute favourite time of the year, I love the smells, and everywhere really does smell different, the leaves on trees all change colour, the geese are scooting about.
One day last week I took Ralph out for a walk....wait, I think I took a photo....

Its not a very good one, but some of the leaves were starting to fall from the trees and it smelt all sort of earthy, there was no-one about it was so very calming. Its even better when the leaves are all crispy and you stomp through them! Anyway what was I talking about, oh yeah, so I have just sort of have been floating along with not much happening.

The cognitive therapy starts next week, the first sort of chat will be over the phone for about 45 minutes to an hour, I'm not one for chatting on the phone, its very hard to trust someone you cant see with my deepest thoughts. With the email counselling I could feel a vibe from the way Dawn wrote her emails and we bonded quite quickly, I am kind of hoping that this first meeting over the phone is just a procedure, like filling forms and stuff, and the next meeting I will have to physically meet with a real person, not saying the other person on the end of the phone isn't real, just sometimes you have to see it for it to be real.

I think one of my biggest problems is how to manage the lows after a high, for example, I cant remember if I told you about meeting my friend and her husband for a drink at Jordon's Mill during the summer hols, we had a really lovely chat, and they are a lovely easy going couple who I feel very comfortable with, it was a beautiful day. My partner came to pick me up and we picked up my daughters and went off to tea and the cinema, fab, a smashing day. The following day, it poured with rain, daughter number one went off to work while daughter number two when off to see mates. suddenly I was on my own and my mood fell through the floor, I know everyone gets days like this but I find it so hard to pull myself back up.

So, what I need to do it change things a bit right? Maybe I need to make sure I make time to catch up with the important people in my life, but also make time to revisit and try to patch up friends I lost along the way, I need to do these things before its too late, we are all ploughing through life at a stupid speed, but having friends and making time for them shouldn't be hard work. Last Sunday I picked up my phone a text a very special person that I haven't spoken to in about three years, I am so glad I did that and I am so glad they are back in my life.......ahhh crap I am rambling.

I also wanted to share with you very quickly a thing that happened at work that amused me but also shows how my brain is working differently from the lovely ladies that I work with, total classic blind person stuff. At the school where I work, we have quite a large classroom, it used to be two rooms one was a classroom the other a cookery room, so it has two doors. The handle on one of these doors broke and the door couldn't be opened, as the day progressed I knew the door couldn't be opened so I had mapped out a different route to exit the classroom in my head, honestly if those girls went to the broken door once, they must have gone 50 times, it was so funny, but a affectionate funny. I couldn't understand why they couldn't remember the handle was broken, but it was because for them it wasn't an important issue, it wasn't at the front of their minds. I love working with these girls, they are very good to me and look after me, but that day they cracked me up. I wish I had time to tell you about all the different things I notice but I am rambling enough as it is.....must be my man flu :) xx