Hello Everyone, Over the last five months, I am sorry to say, writing for Diary of a blind lady has slipped way down my list of priorities, there has been a massive number of reasons for this, some of them simple, some of them so complicated I cant work out what I am feeling!
The last year or so has challenged and pushed me, both mentally and physically, more than I have ever known and I always prided myself in my ability to take what life throws at me and manage it, this period has been different. Once again I have found I am focusing too hard on moving forward and forgetting to look around me as I go.
The environment in which I work now makes it easy to forget I have a disability, the people I work along side each day do not see me for anything other than someone who wants to work hard, learn and progress.
So, essentially, I've been totally ignoring the fact that I am registered blind, and launching myself into a world of, I dunno, normality I suppose.
Except, I am not normal....actually, what is normal? and who decided what normal is?..anyway, that's a thought for another time.
Over the last two weeks I have passed a first aid exam and acquired my Alcohol licence, these two things have pushed my confidence above and beyond anything I have experienced since becoming someone with a sight impairment. I feel like there is nothing I cant do, well I felt like that right up until yesterday.
Yesterday morning I went to take Ralph for our usual stroll around the village, it was just coming light and was freezing cold, so I quickly defrosted my youngest daughters car for her, clipped Ralphie on his lead and marched off. Anyone who sees me walking on my own will know I always have my head down because I am concentrating on the path, Ralph and anything which might be in my way, so I got a real shock when I lifted my head to cross the road and realised thick dense fog had descended in my 20 minute stroll, I literally couldn't cross the road, I was terrified of walking out in front of a bicycle or a car with no lights on or even an electric car....panic...how am I going to get home???? Sensible brain overtook the panic and I knew it wasn't safe to cross the road, so I turned around and walked back the way I had come, checking the time on my phone I knew a bus was due so I aimed to get to the bus stop near my house and hope that there was someone waiting so I could ask them to help me, luck was on my side and a man was waiting at the bus stop, I asked him to help me cross the road, at first he thought I was joking or taking the mick out of him, but I explained that I just couldn't tell if there was any traffic coming that I couldn't hear, so he crossed me over to the right side of the road, and that was that, I was fighting with myself not to cry, all the gadgets in the world were not going to help me across the road safely yesterday, and although I feel like I am conquering the world for severally sight impaired peoples right to work and to be treated as equals, unfortunately there's always going to be that one thing which stops me and luckily we don't get fog that often!!
Back to my main trail of thoughts, I seem to have drawn a very thick line between being me and being me with a sight impairment, and I have definitely detached myself from being me with a sight impairment, and along with that I have detached myself from everything and everyone that is attached to that, Diary of a blind lady was included, I kept telling myself that I didn't need to write, or talk to others with the same problems, but I do, I miss writing and I miss some of the people I have met along the way, hundreds of people a day are still reading the blogs I have written, I know this because I get notifications, I am astonished by this, and whoever you are, THANK YOU for keeping my blog alive, this has been my very first shot in stepping over the line again in five months, my friends please don't forget me, I'll be back, I'm just not ready to rub the line out yet, I need to learn how to manage them both at the same time.
Much love to you all, keep reading, I'll be back soon xx
