Being brave

Sometimes I am brave, so brave I forget myself! I stand up for what I know is right, even if that means putting myself in the firing line. I become sighted me, confident and brave. Last year, made me stronger and braver than ever. The beginning of the year found me starting my new full time role, at times I felt like I was slow and became frustrated, but looking back, I am proud of how quickly I learnt the role, then suddenly Covid came along, and my colleague and I were thrown in the deep end, with a shop to run, rules to follow and fellow colleagues and customers to keep safe.

But we did it, I know I changed into someone who could do anything, even when a huge cage of booze fell off the back of a delivery lorry and squashed me under it, I wasn't stopped, well, ok maybe for a couple of days, bed rest doesn't suit me at all, and despite the hospital telling me I needed to take it easy and relax for a few weeks, I was back supporting my colleagues within a couple of days, it wasn't easy, I got tired quickly, I couldn't walk too well, and the exercises the doctor gave me bloody hurt, but I did them, and I'm glad I did, or I think I'd be in trouble in as I get older, and my muscles get older.

I've met some incredible people that I wouldn't have met if it hadn't been for Covid, colleagues from all over the Tesco family, and our Temps, who came from walks of life where even in their wildest dreams they would never have imagined themselves filling shelves, manning the door and restricting the amount of loo roll, eggs, flour, pasta and baked beans customers could buy, they became family too. I've formed bonds with colleagues that will never break wherever we find ourselves in the future. we have all kept each other going, looked after and trust each other. 

If I had to choose where and who I had to experience Covid, it would with these guys, in our little shop.

I've become a champion in my stock control role and have been recognised as a champion for people with disabilities.

In September, I joined Stepvember with RNIB, I was part of a small team of six for east of england, and competed against two other teams from different region's, I used the step counter on my phone, stuck it my pocket and started walking, by the end of the month, my team and I had completely knocked it out of the park, and we beat the other teams by miles!!! 

So, can you see how I might think I am brave? 

Today I don't feel brave, today I remember who I am, last week I lost my little magnifier that I keep in my pocket at work, I was completely screwed, I keep a bigger one in my bag, but it's not strong enough to give me the magnification I need, I spent the whole shift relying on my colleagues for help or trying my hardest to manage with the larger magnifier, I was exhausted where my little brain was trying to make some sense out of what I was trying to see. 

I'm not sure the people around me fully understand the devastating effect this had on me, YES, I had lost a tiny bit of plastic on the end of some string, but that tiny bit of plastic is my life, it's my independence, my confidence, my ability.

Without this I am nothing, I am reminded that I am disabled, my belief in myself just melts away, and I am left feeling useless, vulnerable, frustrated and full of heart wrenching grief because I know one day my tiny bit of plastic won't help me anymore.

As nearly all the shops are shut, and I am ensuring I stick to the Covid rules, I ordered a new magnifier from Amazon on next day delivery, God only knows what I clicked on because what arrived wasn't what I was expecting, I am now the proud owner of a massive, heavy, glass magnifier with a bright green handle, and a lovely long tie thingy so I can wear it around my neck.  

I think I'd do myself or someone else a injury with that swinging around my neck all day. 

I was proper sad, the one I lost was a really old one that Grandad Jack had given me years and years ago, I remember saying thank you, chucking it in the bottom of my handbag, thinking, bloody hell, I'm not using something that makes me look like a pensioner....how very wrong was I?? That object had become my best friend, and tiny plastic comfort blanket.

Then, someone found it!! I'd dropped it at work! I was so happy, but this has highlighted a little problem, it seems I've definitely lost a little more vision, if I go running up to Moorfields they will only confirm what I already know. 

So, I've done the very next best thing, and contacted my RNIB hero for help, fingers crossed there will be some little pocket size had held device I can rely on to keep me going, I'm not ready to stop doing what I'm doing...yet!

I'll let you know what treasures, if any, they send me, but, for now, a very happy and healthy new year to you all. Stay safe and follow the rules xx