Last year, maybe about September time, my youngest daughter noticed a small lump on my right eye lid. I ignored it for a bit like you do and I couldn't see it so I wasn't really bothered, then, I recon it must have been Novemberish, she says...Mum, that 'spot' is getting bigger, I think you should take it to the doctors. So off I trundled to the doctors, he had a look and gave me a prescription for some cream that I should apply four times a day for a couple of weeks, I will admit that at first it was a bit hit and miss as I kept forgetting to put it on but as we rolled into December the daughter commented again that it was getting bigger, and now I could just about see it myself in the mirror and I could feel it on my contact lens. so, I made sure that for a good two weeks I used the cream four times a day. Anyway, January comes along and the cream doesn't really seem to have made much difference, so I made a mental note to go back to the doctors...mental notes are rubbish as I cant remember them, so, when I was reminded that I hadn't been to the doctors, I made a appointment for yesterday. Yesterday (Friday) was a lovely day, we had a good day at work, everything ran smoothly, I left work slightly early to get to my 4pm appointment, and got there just in time.
They are running 10 minutes late, which is ok, because I am watching a young mum trying her hardest to get her two small sons to play together nicely...not a chance, all she seemed to be doing was make the poor lads want to fight even more! Anyway I am called in...usual pleasantries..hello, what can I do for you today? Wellllll, firstly I would like you to check that my referral to Moorfields has been sent off please....why?....I am stunned, because I am bloody well asking you to check that's why, but I say, I need to know that it has gone off as a priority, he sighs deeply, sits back and flicks through the computer screen...Yeahhhh, its been sent, why are you being referred to Moorfields?...so I say sweetly, if you read the letter you will see that my sight has deteriorated again and as I am registered blind, he stops me with...WHAT!! No your not! you can see me right? Yes I can see you, I can feel all the little hairs on the back of my neck starting to prickle, my cheeks were burning and I could feel anger rising from somewhere very very deep inside me, but he carries on..Well, you don't look blind...what the F**k am I supposed to look like? I look at him and I know something very rude is about to come out of my mouth, so I redirect him back to the letter, Well I have permanent floaters in my bad eye and now I have them in my good one....Noooo they will go away..err, no they won't...Yeah, they will, everyone has floaters but they go away.....you sir are a ignorant dipshit! The floaters will not be going away, I have had them for three years, I have learnt to live with them and the only time they change is in bright sunlight when they get worse, under his breath he says, yeah, they'll go. Don't ask me how I didn't punch him in the face, I sat staring at him for a full minute and then without breaking eye contact, I say, secondly, I am here because I have a Cyst on my eye lid and the cream the last Doctor gave me didn't work, is there anything else that would work please? He pokes the cyst, why did you have cream? was it infected?....No, no infection...why did you have the cream then?...because the bloody Doctor gave me it to get rid of the bloody Cyst....No cream will get rid of the cyst, it needs surgery, cream won't work, he then turns his computer screen around to me and says look, this is a meibomian cyst....are you taking the piss, you know I cannot see that screen, I get up and move around to his side of the desk, which seemed to un nerve him a bit. I say, perhaps I should have Googled it, he says, that's a good idea and does just that!! He then finds the Moorfield website, finds some information on cysts and prints it out for me! I move back around the desk and pick up my coat, take the print out from him, and say with my head held high, shoulders back, boobs out (not that you'd notice they were out) and say, Thank you for your time, I will get someone to read this to me and when I get my appointment from Moorfields I will talk to my consultant about the cyst as he knows what he is talking about, have a lovely weekend.
OMG, I was furious, this man had made me doubt myself, made me feel like I was lying. I marched home in the rain, stamping my feet and swearing under my breath, by the time I had got home I didn't know what sort of mood I was in, whatever I was feeling it wasn't good. on top of feeling like a idiot and a fraud, there was the possibility that I would need this stupid spot cut out, then there was the added humiliation and irritation of some Doctor prescribing me a medication that he knew I didn't need or wouldn't work, what the hell is that all about??? who in their right mind wants to be using a drug they don't need, not to mention the cost of handing out medicine to a patient that doesn't need it. I didn't want to talk to anyone and my evening was ruined, I wanted to go to bed and eat chocolate then more chocolate then fall asleep. As I have said many times, tomorrow is another day, today I feel completely different, I am annoyed about the medicine thing, but the Doctor isn't a ophthalmologist, I must have been one of his last appointments on a Friday, maybe he had had a long week, maybe his day hadn't been as good as mine and at the end of the day, my referral has been sent, I know that if Moorfields feel that the cyst needs surgery I will be in the best place in the world with highly experienced consultants and staff, so actually all that happened Friday evening was I got my knickers in a twist and let it upset my evening with my girls and my partner....and there, yet another lesson learned.
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