well, half term has been a complete wash out here. I suppose the importance of my blog was to let you all in on the up and downs of my little life. I am truly down at the moment. Last Friday we took our class out to the park for a picnic, the sun shone and the children had a great day, ending the term on such a high, it was lovely. Saturday we woke to a hazy start but it soon brightened up inspiring me so do some gardening, my youngest cut the lawn for me and then we sat in the tidy looking garden all afternoon admiring our veggies. Mum popped up and we all went for a long walk with Ralph, calling in for a Chinese takeaway (for the girls, Chinese food is not good when you are on weight watchers, mind you, I put on a pound this week, so I might as well have eaten the bloody takeaway!!) Sunday, the girls wanted to crack on with revision, so Ralph and I went for a nice long walk and just had a chill day, perfect start to half term.
Bank holiday Monday we decided, as my eldest was going off to the slamdunk festival, my other half and my youngest would take Ralph for his very first trip to the seaside. The nearest coast to us is southend, but we figured that it might be too busy and overwhelming for Ralph, so we went to Felixstowe, via woodbridge, woodbridge in Suffolk is my most favourite place in the world to be, its calm and beautiful, no one is rushing, when I am there it feels like home. Its also where my dearest and most favourite friends live, when I am under their roof I feel safe, I know I can share my deepest thoughts without being judged, and I think that is an important part of wellbeing, is to have someone you can share everything with, someone to listen, but who is smart enough to understand that when you are sharing stuff you don't always need advising because just talking is enough. All that being said, we just didn't have time to call in on those people, mainly because they were working, but I did get my fix of tinkering boats! I love to hear the noise that boats masts make when they chink together and you can hear the boats sloshing in the water, the smells of the boat yard, oil and yacht varnish, just sitting watching people cleaning their boats and getting ready for the summer, so very very relaxing. But, it was a grey and cold day, we ate lunch at the Whistle stop café, really lovely place to visit if you are ever down that way, while we sat there, there was a group of errr, pensioners, who had set up a stand for promoting knowledge of and asking for funding for guide dogs for the blind. I don't know why, but this seemed to spark something in the back of my brain, my stomach sank and I could feel my mood getting low, I watched them for a while, there was a lady sat on a chair, clearly 'blind' beside the stall and the group of others were standing a few feet away having a chat and a good laugh, she just sat there at the back with her blanket over her knees, smiling to herself, I still now while I am talking to you about it, have mixed emotions, sad, because is this what I have to look forward too? and anger, because she was happy to sit there as a sort of trophy, I wanted to scream..'get up off of that chair, use your stick and go and stand in the middle of your friends and join in the bloody conversation, how dare you sit there and accept that its ok to be tucked up in a corner with a effing great label over your head' and then I felt bad because I don't understand what I am feeling or why I am feeling it. So I gather my family and march them off in the other direction up and over the bridge to walk along the river, and that was when I lost my contact lens, the local council are doing something with the path along the river, looks like resurfacing, but it was very windy and a gust caught a load of dust and most of it landed in my face and eyes, knocking the contact lens in my bad eye off and sent it rolling around the back of my eye, do you think I could get the bloody thing back, in the end I stopped poking around and just left it, between my daughter and partner they got me back to the car, It took a full 40 minutes for it to appear again, but it hurt so much as it was covered in dust, I don't know if I mentioned before but my contacts are hard, and a real bitch if you get something on them, when we were in the car I managed to get it out, my eye pouring with tears felt instant relief, there I sat with this tiny piece of glass in my hand not knowing how the hell I was going to clean it, what I should have done of course, was taken my spare set of lenses with me (let that be a lesson to you, always have a spare) but what I did was pop it in my mouth then stick it back into my eye before anyone saw or I had time to think about it! There problem solved, yuk!!
Felixstowe was fairly quiet, that might have been due to the crap weather, but Ralph got on the beach, there were signs everywhere telling you that dogs weren't allowed on the beach from May to September, but as there was no one swimming in the sea or attempting to sunbathe, we took a chance, along with about 20 other dog owners who had done the same, and he loved it!!
Tuesday morning we were woken up by torrential rain that never really stopped for 3 days, its been so cold we had to put the heating back on. Wednesday my youngest had a appointment with Chums, and we thought as Wrest park is the other side of the road, we would go for lunch there and then look around the gardens and the house, as I sat in the parents room on the second floor of the building, listening the rain drumming on the windows, I was already thinking about hot chocolate, freshly cooked bread with loads of butter, my pj's and a dvd, and that's what we did.
Yesterday, Ralph and I got up early, wrapped up and walked down to check on my sisters horse, As we got home my Tesco delivery arrived, I stood at the front door and realised I had forgotten my key...and that is how the day carried on, in the end I went back to bed, which is a complete no no in my book, I got up at about 1.30pm and tried to pull myself up and out of this awful dark mood I have been in all week, it didn't really work, in the end I got on the cross trainer and did only 20 minutes, but it was a hard 20 mins, when I finished my legs were all wobbly and I could hardly breathe, but I felt better. This morning I feel better, I AM going to get out of bed, get dressed and go out, I don't know where this week has gone, but I am glad its gone and hopefully my awful negative mood has gone with it. I still don't understand why the blind lady upset me so much, and I need to stop looking for a answer to it, I don't think there is one, my way of looking at life might not be the same as the old lady's, she was happy to sit there, I wouldn't have been and that's all there is to it. x
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