I am so very lucky to say I have a whole day with nothing planned, which is just as well as the weather is miserable!
I finished work for the Christmas holidays on Wednesday, spent all day, and I mean all day, yesterday catching up with housework and last minute shopping, I even managed to fit in a long dog walk.
Wednesday night, Mum, the girls and I went to our local church for the carol service, I used to take the girls when they were small, but over the last few years it has gone forgotten.
This year, however, I feel the need for some tradition, with all that has happened this year it feels slightly wrong to be celebrating a religious festival that seems to have got lost along the way.
Christmas seems to have turned into a frenzy of greed and gluttony, most of us are spending these last few days rushing around buying enough food to feed a small army for one day, all for it to go out of date on the 27th and end up in the bin,
I watched a woman yesterday ramming her shopping trolley full of half price gifts...because they are half price...and for a second I thought, ohhh god, perhaps I haven't brought enough for my girls, perhaps I should be charging around the shops grabbing anything that makes the pile of gifts under the Christmas tree look bigger!
I could throw more money at buying more rubbish, but actually what difference would that make? I love my little family unconditionally and how many gifts are under the tree will not change that, I show how important they are to me everyday not by showering them with gifts they don't want or need but by being there for them, listening and supporting them and spend time together. For me, this is what Christmas day will be about this year, not what's under the tree but just being together.
Anyway, enough of the soft crap, I was telling you about going to the Carol service. The church is a two minute walk away from my house, so we left about 6.30 for a 7pm start....I know!!! but apparently you have to go early to get a good seat! Is there such a thing in a cold old church?/
As we approached there was this old man dragging himself toward the church door he really wasn't walking very well and he was very out of breath, I recognised him as John who lives in the flats near my house, so I went into what some people might call nosy old cow mode, others might say I was being kind, I walked up to John and asked if he needed my arm to help him get into church, which he accepted very happily. As I walked in, lots of people said hello to John but no one offered to help him, I was mildly disappointed that although he seemed a popular fella there seemed a lack of community spirit.
I left John sitting on a 'comfy' chair, and went off to sit with Mum and the girls. we had our candles lit, sung carols and listened to readings...I am a little ashamed to confess that I didn't really care much for the readings, but singing along to the carols despite the fact that the print on the carol sheet was too small for me to read and we were singing by candle light made no difference, I still enjoyed it.
Tea and mince pies were offered after so I got John a cup of tea and set him up with a mince pie, and he asked me to walk him home, to which, without even thinking about it, I replied..'of course'.
It wasn't until I had John hanging off of my arm and we were both trying to navigate the big concrete steps at the front door of the church that it suddenly dawned on me!!!
WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING....Its pitch black outside, I have trouble seeing where I am going myself, how on earth am I going to get John safely home??
Actually we did really well, John walked very slowly which was a good job really. Although now that I think about it, I was a bit stupid really and I feel I have opened myself up to a whole can of worms. Why did I think it was ok for me to walk John home? Supposing I had fallen? he definitely would have come down with me, and what if he had ended up in hospital? even worse I could have been responsible for something that I don't want to think about, and it would have been my fault, how would I have lived with myself.
At the end of the day, or night! all ended well, and John got through his front door without hitch, but once again I have learnt yet another lesson.
That was lesson number two of the week, lesson number one came last Saturday when I walked Ralph around to our local shop to buy a holy wreath to take to the cemetery for my Dad, I thought Ralph and I would then walk from the shop straight to the cemetery, its getting on for about a three mile walk I should think. I didn't get far before the wreath jabbing into my leg every time it got caught on Ralphs lead was driving me mad, I saw some people standing at the bus stop and was delighted to remember my bus pass was in my pocket, so Ralph, the wreath and I caught the bus to the cemetery, perfect. I spent sometime having a chat with Dad and pulling a few weeds.
I quite like going to visit Dad but have always struggled with leaving, I hate the thought of walking away and leaving him there, so when the time comes to go, I do it hurriedly, Ralph was a massive distraction but I still needed to pull a tissue out of my coat pocket as I went through the gates, I got half way home and a something in my head was shouting...WHERE'S YOUR BUS PASS???
Shit, I must have checked my pockets a million times, but I had dropped it somewhere, as I walked home I could hear a bus coming along the road behind me, wait...its the same bus I caught coming back through the village, so I waved it down and asked the bus driver if I could check to see if I had dropped it, I didn't find it and despite the bus driver offering to drop me off at the top of the village at the bus stop near my home, I got off and walked the rest of the way, knowing the bloody thing had fallen out of my pocket when I had pulled out my tissue.
I did think about walking back and looking for it, but it was foggy and very cold, and Ralph is very small, so I went home. I looked into requesting a new one on line, but I was gutted, I know its only a bus pass, but I felt like I had lost a massive slice of independence, I can go anywhere on that bus pass, without a penny in my pocket, even if I need to go to the doctors I can jump on a bus!
It put me in a mood for the rest of the day, my daughter wrote a message on our village Facebook page asking people to look out for it, and Sunday night at about 11pm, a lady messaged back saying she had seen my bus pass, it was on the wall at the cemetery, I couldn't sleep I was so excited, first thing Monday morning I got a lift down to the cemetery and there it was...I cant tell you how pleased I was and still am!
So lesson number one was be more careful with my bus pass and try to be braver when leaving the cemetery!
Although he had his coat on and was toasty warm, it would have exhausted him to walk all the way back to the cemetery and then all the way home again!!
Well, youngest daughter and I are about to watch Home Alone 2, so I would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a happy, healthy and wise new year xxx
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