Visual Impairment Team update

Hi everyone, well, Saturday morning and the end of my first three day working week, I don't mind telling you, its been weird! Monday was a training day, but I finished before lunch, leaving me the rest of the afternoon to do what I wanted, as it happens I actually spend all afternoon cleaning up the cup cake disaster that had exploded in my kitchen thanks to my youngest daughter. Then along came Tuesday, my very first Tuesday off. I had all these plans in my mind, walk the dog for miles, do some gardening, go for a swim, catch the bus into town and wander around the shops, maybe sit in a coffee shop and watch the world go by....what did we wake up to Tuesday morning in Bedfordshire?? Pouring bloody rain! I lay in my bed with the duvet under my chin wondering what on earth I had done, the girls went off to school, Ralph wriggled himself right to the back of his bed with a 'Don't EVEN think about taking me out in this weather' look in his eyes. So, I did the house work, which was all done by 8.45am, my mood was low, my sister had gone into hospital that morning for a operation, so I suppose my glumness might have been confused with anxiousness. I messed around for a couple of hours, we had had a problem with our land phone line, there was a message from the counselling team at RNIB on the answer phone but I couldn't retrieve it, so I spent a while shouting at a electronic voice on the BT help line from my mobile. Then at 10oclock I remembered that I had another visit from Bedfordshire Visual Impairment Team at 10.30!! I Jumped in the shower quick and tried to make myself look better than I was feeling, by then my mood had turned from low to fowl, by the time the door bell rang I was ready to punch someone's face in! In breezes Rob with his clam and relaxed demeanour, he listened to my moaning (sometimes you don't want anyone to do anything about the problem because you know you can deal with it yourself, you just NEED someone to whinge at) so I whinged! I sat slumped in the chair, with my arms folded across my chest with a grumpy red face, I must have looked like a six year old who had been told she had to put her Barbie's away and go to bed! Trouble is, I am half Italian, an Aries by birth sign and incredibly head strong, when I am pissed off, god help anyone who tries to help me, I could argue with my own shadow!
So, Rob sits and listens, offers to ring BT, which gets a sharp NO THANKYOU! Funny how some people you just click with, he
just seemed to know that if he went on he was looking at a black eye at the very least, so he pull out some gadgets from a bag, so the first one was a level water indicator, I've had one before, you pop it on the rim of a cup or whatever you are filling up and when the liquid gets near the top it beeps so you don't over fill, pretty nifty but not enough to make me smile.

Next chopping boards, he hadn't brought any with him as he needed to know what colour I wanted before ordering them....at that moment in time I didn't give a flying F what colour chopping board I needed to help me in the kitchen so I have a contrast between the board and the thing I am cutting and avoid slicing my fingers (ungrateful old bitch that I am) so he orders, green, yellow and red..I think!!
Then he puts this little box on the table, its a electric magnifier, this actual design they don't make anymore and is just a demo, but my gawd, what a incredible device. So, its about the size of your average calculator, with a little handle that pulls out from the side, this one is quite heavy but Rob assures me the newer versions are much lighter,  I found I could easily read labels and even a couple of pages of a book with it. The colour contasts can be changed giving my a choice of different coloured back grounds and font, therefore providing different contasts to use when the lighting in different environments is different. That's a lot of different!! Anyway, its also perfect for putting in my handbag...my mood is starting to lift as a undated version is put on the order form! Next he informs me that he cant change the strip lighting under my kitchen wall cupboards to white lights as he cant find them anywhere, so he has this little portable white light that he shows me, so there I am getting all excited about a light!! Its very lightweight and compact, off I go marching around the house with Rob in tow, saying...ohhhhhlook, that's perfect for seeing in my cloak cupboard, and in my kitchen cupboards oh and my wardbrobes, I am so excited to be able to see what I want and just getting it rather than emptying the whole cupboard to find what I want and then just shoving it all back, my cupboards might even stay tidy! I also showed him how great it would be when using the PC as I struggle to use the keyboard and the lighting in that room is awful. I was in such a whirlwind, I felt like a child who had gone into a sweet shop and found that it was a try before you buy day! I turned around to find Rob standing with one hand on his hip and the other rubbing his forehead, my stomach sinks...WHAT?? ...Why the hell didn't you tell  me all this before, if you don't tell me what you need I cant help you....WHAT??  We have lighting especially for cupboards and also a large keyboard with lights and fancy bits on, would you like me to order some?? That's it, all the sweets in the shop are thrown in the air and I can eat as many as I want AND take some home!......Ohhhh go on then, yes please order some!. Back at my dining table, he goes through his paperwork and informs me that the council will be out to repair the slab at the back of my propery that I trip over everytime I put the bins out and remove the plastic in the tree!! Also I am on the waiting list for security lighting and they will be contacting me soon. 
After Rob had gone, I noticed the rain had stopped, Ralph had moved to the front of his bed, so off we went on a long, very muddy stomp across the fields, popped in to see my Mum and catch up on any news on my sister and then we went home. I then sat and sorted the problem with BT and was able to retrieve my answer phone message, I spoke to a lady at RNIB called Maria, who explained that they offer telephone, instant messaging or email councelling, 1 opted for email, Maria sent me a questionnaire and a sort of agreement thing, which I filled in and sent straight back, now I just need to wait for my first 'appointment'. Before I knew it my day off was nearly over, but what a fantastic feeling it was when on Wednesday at 3.45, I came out of work knowing I had Thursday off. Thursday I did some of the lovely things I had wanted to do on Tuesday. Just goes to show, you never know what the day will bring, we will all get there in the end, just sometimes we have to drag ourselves through the crappy days first!! x

Easter

Hello folks, I hope everyone had a good Easter, The girls and I have had a two week break, and although we planned to do nothing we don't seem to have stopped! At the start of the break I had my Birthday, it started as a wet day, but got brighter as the hours ticked on, I had a lovely day spent with Family popping round with loads of cool gifts and cards, I got a little chest box full of arty stuff, chocolate and stuff for a relaxing bath..perfect.

I must say we went for a meal at a pub in Hitchin called The Three Moorhens, my partner had asked for a table with good lighting but tucked away from the noise of the pub, but because it was bank holiday Monday I thought we wouldn't stand a chance, but we got exactly what we asked for, the menu was fairly good to read with my magnifier, I have a small dome magnifier which I keep in my handbag, everyone comments on how nifty it is!

Anyway, we had a fantastic meal so very big thumbs up to The Three Moorhens, we ended the day by taking Ralph for a long walk. Easter Sunday we strayed away from the traditional roast lamb dinner and went full on Italian, my Dad was Italian and my grandparents were both very good cooks, although we didn't realise how good Grandad was until after Grandma died and he had to cook for himself! My youngest Sister and I made (with a little guidance from my Aunt in Australia..Hello Aunty Phyllis!) cheese ravioli, tones of it, we made our pasta and my girls and my nieces had a great time rolling the pasta dough through the machine, we made a cheese filling and our very own D'Addario pasta sauce.

I remember Easters at my grandparents house, Grandma would have a great long table that stretched for what seemed like all the way from her living room into the dinning room, and it was packed with food, pasta , meats, cheeses, fruit, lots of Granddads home made red wine...OHHH LORDIE, Mum used to dress my sisters and I in the same dresses for these occasions, we used to have these matching blue velvet dresses with white lace around the neck line, white long socks and red patient shoes, thank gawd not many photographs were taken in those days, brings back fond memories though, all the kids used to sit out in the conservatory to eat and Grandma used to get us to sing and dance for everyone in the afternoon, oh dear I seem to have gone right off track! So anyway, that was Easter over and done with, we have cleaned the house, cleared out cupboards and done some gardening, my mates hubby Steve came round to see if he could remove the blessed plastic from the tree but, like I said its wayyy to high for anyone to reach safely. I had been informed that the patio outside my back door was looking grubby, so I thought I would get out the pressure washer and give it a bash, how hard can it be right? My neighbour had done his a few days before and HE was wearing a white tshirt! So there I was happily spraying away, humming to myself and thinking how very clever I was to be able to make this machine work and spray all this water, ohhh yeah, I'm having a great time! and then I was finished, so I swept up all this very muddy dirty water and stepped back to check out my new found skills, only to discover that I hadn't shut the back door, there was thick brown mud dripping off of the conservatory door on to the tiles, I gently pushed the door open and Ohhhh balls, it was everywhere, and I mean everywhere, all over the floor, up the walls, it covered my dining table and chairs it had even spread to the interior glass doors, for some reason I stood there for ages before I could move, then Ralph came running through, skidded to a halt in front of me, looked me up and down and legged it back into the house, it was then I realised that there was no way I would ever be able to wear a white Tshirt, I was covered top to toe in gritty mud, sadly the girls found this hilarious...until I made them help me clear up the mud slide!
I seem to have gone off track again, So, you will be pleased to hear I finally have my hospital appointment for Moorfields, although its not until mid June, I am relieved I have it and it has taken some of the pressure off knowing that I will be going back there. I also had a home visit from Bedfordshire Visual Impairment team, I have mentioned Rob before and am very please that he has been given my case again, Rob is very easy to talk to and completely understanding and realistic. We talked for some time about how I am feeling and where I need help the most, as anyone who knows me will say I am not the easiest person to get along with and I refuse to ask for help, however, I haven't seen Rob for a few years and the person I was then is not the person I am at the moment, a lot has happened in those few years, and I am ashamed to say I opened up and had a good howl, tears and snot everywhere! Rob gentle suggested that it might be time to have some kind of professional emotional support, and if I hadn't seen first hand the support, understanding and guidance my daughter has received form her appointments with Fran at CHUMS I still would have refused it, but this time as I sat with snotty tissues scattered around me and I accepted and Rob is arranging counselling from RNIB.....I will let you know how it goes and I promise to go into it with a open mind and ready to accept what every they might say to me! Ohh yes, I also go a glass magnifier for my Birthday, I have always had plastic ones and frankly they are crap, but Rob suggested I have a electronic magnifier and a white light lamp to use in the kitchen, we talked about changing the spot lights in my kitchen and decided that replacing them with strip lights is a waste of time as by the time any light from the ceiling reaches where I am working, its pretty useless anyway, so hopefully the portable lamp I will be able to use all around the house, ermmm what else, oh yes, the bloody plastic up the tree, he says he is going to have a chat to the council...good luck with that! and also look at some security lighting for out the back of the house so I stop tripping and falling on my face when I put the bins out at night, I know I could put the bins out during the day, but you never know when you might need to wonder to the end of the garden in the dark! and seriously, a security light does what its supposed to do its a deterrent and makes one feel secure in ones own home don't you know!
I have also passed on my council tax drama onto the lovely Tracy at Action for Blind, she will sort through the endless stupid paper work and set up a conference call so it can be sorted, I think I told you that I lost my single person benefit because my daughter turned 18, this is all lovely, but at the moment is still in full time education and doesn't have a job, its a constant battle with these people and its such a relief to have support form someone who knows what the hell they are talking about! Anyway, I start my new working hours next week and today is the last day of the Easter hols, the sun is shinning so I am off out for a walk, I will let you all know how I get on with the new gadgets, Bye for now x
Just a quick photo of my glass magnifier, I know it looks like something out of a old mystery movie, but its brilliant!!

Ranting!

Hi every body, Its a beautiful morning here, after a night of heavy rain the sun is shining and there is all sorts of lovely spring smells coming through my open bedroom window. After such a sad and tragic week I feel guilty at the warm feeling I have knowing all my family and friends are safe. I stood in my living room on Wednesday morning listening to the news, so many lives lost and shattered, and for what? I stood there for a very long time feeling sad and angry all at the same time. We had started to make arrangements to go into London a couple of times over the Easter break, and I have found myself changing my plans for fear of putting my children in danger! How crazy is that! Living in fear of what might happen, this is just what these, I supposed you would have to call them people, want us to do.
Thinking about London reminded me that I haven't heard anything from the hospital, my referral had been sent off about six weeks ago and Moorfields are usually quite quick with appointment dates, even if its a while until your appointment, they usually send it out quite quick, so, I turn the telly off and go rummaging around for the phone number for my Dr's secretary, after phoning four different numbers I find I am talking to a lady called June, who taps in my details on her computer which brings up all my details, and bet you cant guess what?.....You got it, no referral has been received! But I bloody checked with my GP that it had been sent....June tells me to call GP surgery and tell them to fax through the letter...Thankyou June, who was polite, friendly and helpful, she will ring me back as soon as she receives the fax.....I call GP surgery who assure me the referral HAS been sent, welllll, they haven't bloody got it so please fax it through on this number for the attention of June, Thankyou!....Then I wait, after half an hour June calls back, I am thinking she will give me a appointment over the phone....ohhhh no, June is sorry, but the GP surgery have referred you to the wrong hospital, this letter is for Bedford! FOR EFFS SAKE!!! Ring  the GP back again and ask them to re address the letter to Moorfields London.....this time the lady on the end of the phone at my GP surgery isn't so helpful...we refer all our patients to Bedford hospital, yes dear that lovely, but I am not under Bedford bloody hospital I am under Moorfields! I must add that there is a Moorfields clinic at Bedford hospital, but when I asked Dr Andrews at London Moorfields if I could attend that clinic instead of going into London as it nearer to my home, he just said NO and walked away, then came back five minutes later moaning about not taking risks and I was to remain under his clinic so he could keep an eye on me (excuse the pun). Anyway, the moody lady on the other end of the phone assured me that she would get the letter re addressed and faxed straight over...still haven't heard anything! If it wasn't for the fact that I would be wasting nurses and consultants time, and depriving real A&E patients of being seen a bit quicker, I would have jumped on the train and parked myself at Moorfields A&E until I was seen. So, as by then I was in a bit of a mood myself, I thought I would ring the council, they are always up for a good fight. some months ago, the council retiled the roofs of some of the bungalows near my house, they did it when we had all that really awful weather with heavy rain and very high winds, during one of these storms some of the plastic from the roof blew off and entangled itself in my neighbours tree, she is probably in her 60's, lives alone and has something wrong with her knees, she has had many operations to help her walk, anyway, all I can hear is this bloody plastic blowing around, the tree isn't climbable and the plastic is too high to reach safely. At night it keeps me awake, and it disorientates me as its a unfamiliar sound, equally its bloody annoying.  I am so silly though because the lady at the council, was like....what you taking about woman? That ant no problem of ours, you gotta sort it out wiv you neighbour!! Betcha bottom dollar if I went out with a chainsaw and started chopping down trees at the edge of the road the buggers would soon see it as their problem. Ah well, we live and we learn, so if I don't post again for a while its because I am stuck up the tree, so send help please x

Change isnt so bad.....

Hello folks, its been a crazily busy two weeks back at work after half term. Its scary how quickly time fly's and how easy it is to forget your own place in your life. I feel I need constant reminders to live for today, leave the past alone and stop worrying about the future, because I cant change the things that have already happened and the future will be what it will be, I can contribute to how my future pans out but essentially I believe the more time I spend worrying about the future, I am missing out on what's happening now. So, as the alarm went off at 6am one morning last week, I lay there very still in my bed, the room was starting to fill with light (I cant sleep with the curtains closed) the birds had started singing and I started to wonder what life is all about?! What am I doing? I get up every morning at 6am, when its light enough I walk Ralph, I get back, get myself ready for work and start nagging the girls to get up, tidy the house, think about what to get out of the freezer for tea, the three of us are out of the house by 7.50am, while I am at work, I am continuously running, working with special needs children means that you need to be alert to every situation, things can change very quickly and many of our children are dependant on us to help them with all aspects of their education and hygiene, a average day consists of a lot of teaching and promoting independence, quite a bit of toileting and feeding and a whole lot of spending time with and enjoying the company of some of the most fantastic and interesting children i have ever met, although I love it, its a very draining day. Then I get in the door at about 4.15 and its then a mad rush of walking Ralph, cooking tea, getting packed lunches ready, Ironing, hovering, washing up after tea, encouraging the girls to do homework and listening to them tell me about their day, then baths and hair washes and crash into bed by 10pm, that's before i have done my internet shop or seen to any bills or dealt with any other problematic letters that might have dropped on my door mat....so, once again...What am I doing? I wonder if everyone gets to a certain point in their lives and thinks...I just cant go on like this, something has to change...for me, I am finding that the world is rushing around me but I am getting slower! I have started to learn that because my sight is so poor, I need to pay more attention to the things I am doing, therefore these things take me longer, if I don't want to iron my fingers when I am doing the ironing, I have to do it slower...everything has become slower, crossing the road, using a knife or cooking, reading and writing has got really bad, I am struggling to write coherently in the children's books at school, or to read simple directions about what the children are doing in their lessons, this has unsettled me so much that I am finding myself pretending or guessing! I have noticed that my hearing has stepped up a notch, this is also draining as I seem unable to block out all this tiny noises that others might not notice, above all the noise in the classroom one day this week, all I could hear was the squeak of someone writing on the white board with one of those smelly pens. So, back to me lying in the bed, something is going to give, I believe in self preservation so, lets think, I had already had my meeting with my boss the week before, my man from Action of Blind had travelled miles to attend the meeting that my boss was 15 minutes late for, to cut a long story short, the school would not be offering me an alternative role within the school, I was able to reduce my hours but realistically I should be planning to move on, oh and the fact that I find work so exhausting is my fault because I am a perfectionist. Nothing to do with the fact of course that we all have a duty of care to the children and working as a team means pulling your weight. so, with my nose put completely out of joint I left the meeting feeling abit, err..insignificant and rejected I suppose. But, lying there I realised that reducing my hours is not the end of my world, no one is going to die! and actually working just Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays might suit me quite nicely, in fact I suddenly started to look forward to it, I admit that fanatically it might be a bit of a struggle, but if I am careful it should all be good. So after the Easter holidays I go down from four days a week to three, giving me more time to get things like housework done, sorting through paperwork that has accumulated and now is spewing out of the draws, AND AND the spring is coming...I can be out in the garden, take Ralph for long walks, and instead of the mad rush in the evenings things should be more relaxed, and maybe, just maybe I can get some quality of life back, Sometimes all we need is to tweak our lives a little, I don't want to give up work completely just yet, not only for the social aspects but also for discipline, making me get out of bed and follow the routine of thousands of others going off to work, my job gives me something else to focus my mind on, and of course,  you get a pay cheque at the end of the month. I know the time will come when I simply cannot do the job I do safely anymore, and when that time comes I will face it and deal with it with grace and dignity like a big girl...unless I win the lottery before then, I expect my attitude will be a whole different thing!!

Half Term

Well as half term comes to a end, I realise that I haven't done anything that I was supposed to do, in fact I have been rather lazy. This time last week my girls and I were waking up in Woodbridge, Suffolk at our friends house, we had a lovely weekend. My friend had been staying at our house for a few days, so on the Friday we went home with her, as we travelled from Bedfordshire to Suffolk the temperature began to drop, talk of picking up her husband and going for a meal soon turned into grabbing a Chinese take-away and heading for the best seat in front of the fire! Saturday I had two teenage daughters who didn't want to get out of bed, so my friend and I braved Woodbridge Tesco, I really don't know what it is about this shop, I cant seem to make a full shopping trip with out having a moment and am beginning to wonder if its like a learnt behaviour thing, you know...this always happens so its going to happen again! Anyway armed with bread rolls and tins of soup, and quite a lot of chocolate we drove back to the house, after lunch we walked over to the local garden centre, something was starting to fall from the sky and it was too light to be rain. I love Woodbridge, its a very beautiful part of our country, you can walk along the river by the tide mill, I especially love to hear all the boats masts clinking together where they are moored up, and there is something very relaxing about looking around the boat yard or just sitting watching the little boats bobbing around, anyway, I was desperate to get my fix of fresh air, but it wasn't to be, Sunday was even colder, so we stayed by the fire, my friend cooked a scrumptious Sunday lunch and then her husband drove us back home.

Daisy had the best seat in the house All weekend!

On a previous visit.

My youngest daughter and my friends husband doing exactly what you should be doing when in Woodbridge...Relaxing!

Sunday was Valentines day, a day that is emotional for me and my family as sadly we buried my Dad on Valentines day, this year it has been 19 years since we lost him at the grand old age of 49!! When we got home Ralph was so happy to see us and the Valentines day fairy in the shape of my partner had delivered heart shaped balloons, flowers, chocolates and a lovely card. As the week progressed and the various appointments had been met, it was Wednesday already, the girls were going on a shopping trip with their Dad, so my partner and I took the train to Peterborough, it was lovely to wonder around the shops with nothing much to buy, we had lunch, brought a Birthday present for my mates little boy and trundled back home...now, let me back track at bit, so, just before I learnt that my sight had definitely got worse, there had been some signs that things weren't so good, one of them being I found I couldn't see bugger all in the kitchen, so after much deliberation I thought how difficult can it be to simply change the light bulbs to a higher wattage? Right? NO! So, I climb up on a chair and fiddle about with these stupid down light things and finally the thing pops out, so does the entire plastic stuff which holds the bulb and all the electrical bits into the celling, the heat from the bulbs over time had corroded the plastic and there I was standing on a chair with all this black plastic crap all over my face and hair, several swearwords later I realise that i just made a bad situation a whole lot worse. What do I do? I get a man in of course...only this man is not your average man, has a look and rubs his chin and what comes out of his mouth made me dizzy.....Well love, you see, I could change them bulbs for ya, you gonna need new fixtures, its gonna cost ya, so why don't ya get in touch wiv someone who knows what sort of lighting you need in the kitchen to best help ya, AND ya neva know, there might be some sort of funding to help ya what wiv being blind and all...of course I don't mind doing it, but why don't ya check out all your options before chucking money at something that might not be right for you....HOLY SHIT!!!! I hate it when men have more common sense than me! So, anyway after my faith in human nature had been restored, I did just that! I contacted Action For Blind who gave me a link to Bedfordshire sensory Impairment team, who came to visit me on Wednesday afternoon. A really lovely lady who seemed very understanding, she asked lots of questions, filled in lots of forms, and agreed that I needed help with the right sort of lighting and, yes, there was funding to help me pay for the changes....see what happens when I listen to a bloke with more common sense than me! This will all take place ASAP, when ever that is!

Thursday and Friday flew by with more appointments, washing, ironing and housework, whilst I was sitting in Bedford college waiting for my eldest to come out of a interview, I was pretending to flick though my phone to avoid making small talk with the cleaner, when something caught my eye, someone had liked a Facebook page and for some reason it popped up on my phone, after a closer look I realised that it was a old work colleague, who had changed jobs and moved away, his page was called John Devitt Art, when I got home I looked him up on the laptop, sent him a friend request, then all these photos of paintings started filtering through, I was properly amazed, they were fab, and they way they are painted makes sense in my eyes, you need to see them to see what I mean, I found myself looking at them for ages and that old warm feeling of  how much I used to enjoy art seemed to just switch on, so yesterday I got out my pencils and found some paper and began to doodle again. They aren't the best sketches in the world, but this has given me a new chapter if you like, when I stop working, this is something that I can do...knew rules need to be applied and this week I have learnt to stop thinking about the things I wont be able to do when I can no longer work but focus on the things I can do, I suddenly feel inspired and confident for the future..

   

                                       My fat mouse and a dragon fly, I don't think its too bad for a blind lady who hasn't drawn in about 15 years!!

Action for Blind People

OK, so, Action for Blind People are a team of people offering help and support for blind, partially sighted people and their families across the country (England), they have been around for over 150 years, although, they have been known by different names over the years. Their main aim is to support people to live as independently as possible, offering support and information continuously. They have a fantastic website that is easy to access and understand, they also have a section about their Values and Visions...let me just read them to you...
To make every day better for everyone affected by sight loss, by being there when people need us, supporting independent living, creating a inclusive society and preventing sight loss.
Values
* Led by blind and partially sighted people; Blind and partially sighted people are at our heart and influence everything we do.
* Collaborative; We work together to make the biggest difference.
* Creative; We understand the challenges and find ways to over come them and move them forward.
* Inclusive; We include and value people with diverse experience, abilities and backgrounds.
* Open; We are honest, candid and transparent, challenging ourselves and others.
These values I have experienced first hand and I am overwhelmed with the support I have received.
Last year I had a problem with my council Tax, no offence if you work for the council, but it can be bloody useless at times, I needed to make some changes, what with being a lone parent, bla bla bla, they are always banging on about how important it is to notify them if there are any changes and yet when you do its suddenly becomes harder than rocket science! Anyway, I emailed Action and was put in touch with a lovely lady who supported me completely, she even set up conference calls to the council so we all knew which way things were going, I wouldn't consider myself completely 'green', but when it comes to these matters I just want to do my usual head in the sand thing,  luckily the Action lady wasn't taking fools gladly and didn't beat around the bush when it came to telling the lady from the council exactly what should be happening, Tracey from Action sure knows her stuff! She kept in regular contact with me, sent me out SAE so that I could send her any information she needed without it costing me anything, although to some people this may seem a very small problem (and actually, I suppose it is) but, none of the information from the council, regardless that it was all in small print, makes any sense, also there is the added factor that my sight is becoming so bad that I can no longer read for any length of time, I just cannot focus on the page, my eyes wonder and my brain will only acknowledge about three sentences at one time. I do miss reading books, but at this rate it would take me about two years to read a good book, and by then I would have forgotten what was happening in the start!
I first had contact with David a few years ago,  I had been signed off work for 6 months at the start of the sight loss thing and I needed to get back to work and start living as 'normally' as possible. David came out to my home and talked me through all sorts of stuff, then he came into work with me where we had a meeting with my boss and discussed how my role would need to be adapted to insure the safety of both the Children and myself, back then there were very little changes to be made, information that I needed should be in large print, I wasn't able to be in the play ground the same time as the children, as they move so fast I just couldn't track them or get out of the way quick enough when they are racing around on bikes, and of course, I just needed to take things a little slower than I used to do, also there would be some training on sight loss for the staff so that they understand that I am not being ignorant when I don't respond if someone is waving at me at the top of the corridor. Of course, with such a large school, with a million different things going on every day, its not often that I get anything in large print, unless we are going to church and the lady who organises the trips for the children, like Easter and Christmas, always insures I get a large print copy of the programme, so THANK YOU to you my lovely, and the training never happened as more important things came along instead as they inevitably do. So, I go back to work and find that I have some very supportive and understanding co-workers who made my life incredibly easier and happier. Even though I had gone back to work and was carrying on with my life, every now and then I would get a email from David, just asking how I was getting on and to contact him if I needed any help. The times I have contacted Action, I have always has a quick reply and a solution to my question. Now, as things have changed again and my sight has become worse I find myself needing support. After dropping a email to David he came to my house last week to discuss the balance between home and work life, which at the moment is incredibly unbalanced. We talked at length about what I expect for the future and given my age ( fairly youngish) and my need to remain in some sort of social circles, we agreed that simply giving up work and staying home wasn't a favourable option for the moment. we came up with three different options that I think are reasonable and next week he will be back to accompany me to a meeting with my boss, we, hopefully will be able to make an arrangement so that I can spend a little longer at work doing the job I love, I think if I had to give up work, I would miss the Children and some of the staff who have become very important to me over the 13 years I have worked for the school. It is so difficult to make a decision on my own, do I stop working and spend my time walking the dog, doing housework, and being there for my girls and taking life a whole lot slower? Or do I make reasonable adjustments to my work life, enjoy spending time with the children and co-workers as well as making sure I have time for my girls, walking the dog and taking life slightly slower? At the moment some thing has to change, i cannot keep going at this speed and I have accepted that change is on its way, staying in work is the last link to the life I used to have, my girls are growing up, the eldest leaves school this year and my youngest has possibly three years left at upper school, I certainly do not expect my children to look after me, so i need to make some sort of a plan now.....I just don't know where to start! And that's where Action step in, I know I will get the best advice and support, and I know any transition I have to make in the future will be with their support. Thank you Action.

Chalazion Meibomian Cyst

Last year, maybe about September time, my youngest daughter noticed a small lump on my right eye lid. I ignored it for a bit like you do and I couldn't see it so I wasn't really bothered, then, I recon it must have been Novemberish, she says...Mum, that 'spot' is getting bigger, I think you should take it to the doctors. So off I trundled to the doctors, he had a look and gave me a prescription for some cream that I should apply four times a day for a couple of weeks, I will admit that at first it was a bit hit and miss as I kept forgetting to put it on but as we rolled into December the daughter commented again that it was getting bigger, and now I could just about see it myself in the mirror and I could feel it on my contact lens. so, I made sure that for a good two weeks I used the cream four times a day. Anyway, January comes along and the cream doesn't really seem to have made much difference, so I made a mental note to go back to the doctors...mental notes are rubbish as I cant remember them, so, when I was reminded that I hadn't been to the doctors, I made a appointment for yesterday. Yesterday (Friday) was a lovely day, we had a good day at work, everything ran smoothly, I left work slightly early to get to my 4pm appointment, and got there just in time.
They are running 10 minutes late, which is ok, because I am watching a young mum trying her hardest to get her two small sons to play together nicely...not a chance, all she seemed to be doing was make the poor lads want to fight even more! Anyway I am called in...usual pleasantries..hello, what can I do for you today? Wellllll, firstly I would like you to check that my referral to Moorfields has been sent off please....why?....I am stunned, because I am bloody well asking you to check that's why, but I say, I need to know that it has gone off as a priority, he sighs deeply, sits back and flicks through the computer screen...Yeahhhh, its been sent, why are you being referred to Moorfields?...so I say sweetly, if you read the letter you will see that my sight has deteriorated again and as I am registered blind, he stops me with...WHAT!! No your not! you can see me right? Yes I can see you, I can feel all the little hairs on the back of my neck starting to prickle, my cheeks were burning and I could feel anger rising from somewhere very very deep inside me, but he carries on..Well, you don't look blind...what the F**k am I supposed to look like? I look at him and I know something very rude is about to come out of my mouth, so I redirect him back to the letter, Well I have permanent floaters in my bad eye and now I have them in my good one....Noooo they will go away..err, no they won't...Yeah, they will, everyone has floaters but they go away.....you sir are a ignorant dipshit! The floaters will not be going away, I have had them for three years, I have learnt to live with them and the only time they change is in bright sunlight when they get worse, under his breath he says, yeah, they'll go. Don't ask me how I didn't punch him in the face, I sat staring at him for a full minute and then without breaking eye contact, I say, secondly, I am here because I have a Cyst on my eye lid and the cream the last Doctor gave me didn't work, is there anything else that would work please? He pokes the cyst, why did you have cream? was it infected?....No, no infection...why did you have the cream then?...because the bloody Doctor gave me it to get rid of the bloody Cyst....No cream will get rid of the cyst, it needs surgery, cream won't work, he then turns his computer screen around to me and says look, this is a meibomian cyst....are you taking the piss, you know I cannot see that screen, I get up and move around to his side of the desk, which seemed to un nerve him a bit. I say, perhaps I should have Googled it, he says, that's a good idea and does just that!! He then finds the Moorfield website, finds some information on cysts and prints it out for me! I move back around the desk and pick up my coat, take the print out from him, and say with my head held high, shoulders back, boobs out (not that you'd notice they were out) and say, Thank you for your time, I will get someone to read this to me and when I get my appointment from Moorfields I will talk to my consultant about the cyst as he knows what he is talking about, have a lovely weekend.
OMG, I was furious, this man had made me doubt myself, made me feel like I was lying. I marched  home in the rain, stamping my feet and swearing under my breath, by the time I had got home I didn't know what sort of mood I was in, whatever I was feeling it wasn't good. on top of feeling like a idiot and a fraud, there was the possibility that I would need this stupid spot cut out, then there was the added humiliation and irritation of some Doctor prescribing me a medication that he knew I didn't need or wouldn't work, what the hell is that all about??? who in their right mind wants to be using a drug they don't need, not to mention the cost of handing out medicine to a patient that doesn't need it. I didn't want to talk to anyone and my evening was ruined, I wanted to go to bed and eat chocolate then more chocolate then fall asleep. As I have said many times, tomorrow is another day, today I feel completely different, I am annoyed about the medicine thing, but the Doctor isn't a ophthalmologist, I must have been one of his last appointments on a Friday, maybe he had had a long week, maybe his day hadn't been as good as mine and at the end of the day, my referral has been sent, I know that if Moorfields feel that the cyst needs surgery I will be in the best place in the world with highly experienced consultants and staff, so actually all that happened Friday evening was I got my knickers in a twist and let it upset my evening with my girls and my partner....and there, yet another lesson learned.