Sensory Garden update

 Hello everyone, Happy Easter to you all.

I just wanted to give you a quick update on my sensory Garden progress.

So, as you know, I wanted to do this as independently as I could and when I looked at gardens which had been professionally created for blind and folks with disabilities, they were bloody amazing, but completely out of my price range!

I've had a reality check and a large down scale, the raised beds I wanted have been replaced with these cute planters.

And instead of buying plants, I've got tons of seeds and have started to grow my own.

Last week, when we had two beautiful days of sunshine, I got the power washer thingy out and washed down all the fences, then I painted them with some wood stain stuff, honestly, I dunno how I managed to get covered in it, my shoes are stained a love blotchy brown colour, and I'm still washing it out of my hair!

Every ten minutes or so, one of the family would wonder out and show me which bits I'd missed, which was helpful at first but it soon became obvious that I was missing more than I was hitting! In the end though, it's done and I think it looks lovely.

I wanted to power wash the slabs too, but I'm saving that for a day when it's warm again and it will dry really quickly.

I've just had a birthday, and everyone brought me gardening stuff, 

I had some vouchers, and I really wanted to buy roses, so let me see if I can down load a photo of my garden centre haul.

There we go, for some reason it gave me two, anyway, I got three patio rose plants, two with a strong pong, and one a very bright orange colour. I always look on the bargain bench for a plant to love, so there's a something or other, that looks very much like it needs to be loved. 

And I found a grassy type plant, I've planted it in a pot so I can move it around, it looks like it might be good for making a noise when the wind moves the leaves.

Also, for my birthday I asked for things for the garden that I could hear or touch, so I was given these treasures....

The sparkling mushroom is the coolest thing, it even sparkles when the moon shines on it. I've got a couple of statue dogs too, both of them a tactile.

The eldest daughter made me a Tic Tok account yesterday, I think it's called Lyndas garden, I've already had 50 views and 4 followers! Look at me, I'm crashing in on the internet!

Mind you, I'm pretty sure those 4 followers are my family .

I leave you with a few before photos (if I can down load the stupid things) and I will keep you all updated on the progress.

I've just found a after photo, I'll post that, then I'm off, take care and stay safe xx

See, my painting wasn't that bad after all 😍

Sensory Garden

 Hello everyone, I hope you've all been staying safe and well. 

Last week I had a meeting with Bedfordshire sight concern, I had an over the phone appointment and a sight test using a test sheet they sent me through the post, I know that having the sight test in this way isn't ideal, but the outcome is just the same, I have lost more sight, which is fine, it's what I already knew and what I have learnt to expect. 

The outcome of the meeting was that I would be sent some different magnifiers to help me at work, but just as importantly, the meeting encouraged me to look towards the future, the immediate future, like, as lock down ends how can I ease myself back into doing things independently.  

The little things like catching a train, going shopping on my own or getting on a bus. I can't wait for swimming pools to open, I've missed swimming so much, but I know that going anywhere on my own will be impossible. 

Bedfordshire sight concern are going to provide support for this, and I'm excited to be getting some support back into regaining  some kind of independence.

While I was one the phone, we talked about hobbies and things I can do that push me out of my comfort zone a little. I said I would really love to create a sensory Garden for myself, as my sight gets worse I want to create somewhere that is my safe place, somewhere to sit, relax and enjoy.

Leaving something like this until the time comes is simply too late, I need to get the ball rolling and this seems the perfect project too build my confidence and give me a focus, while keeping realistic.

SO, I made myself a  'mind map' of all the things I thought should go into my own personal sensory Garden.

I got really excited, planning which flowers would be best, which herbs and plants have the strongest smells, I looked at bee hotels, wind chimes, lighting and lots of tactile garden ornaments. I started to choose different grasses that would make noises in the breeze!

I was on a real high! My garden is only small, but in order to make the garden so that I could plant my own plants later down the line, I would benefit from raised flower beds, I struggle trying to weed as it is, so this seemed like a fab idea.

BUT, I very grossly under estimated the cost of building my very own sensory Garden. 

One of my friends said he had a wind chime that he would give me, this excited me again, because the thought of having something in the garden that reminds me of someone and bring memories of that person is a great comfort to me when I can't see their faces anymore.

I thought about starting one of these funding type pages on facebook, I half heatedly looked into it, but it feels like begging, so I've decided to scale down the garden....massively....I went to B&M with daughter number one, and we brought some seeds, seed compost, and some seed trays, I went home and sowed my seeds, I have some bulbs that the daughter chose and I'll plant them next week. We also found some nice looking solar light bulb things to hang from the trees. 

I noticed some netting stuff while we were in the shop, that can be tacked to the fences so I don't have to buy trellis, I'm going to give it a few weeks then get someone to take me to the garden centre and check out the bargain bench, if I can find some cheap clematis that needs some love, I will be able to create that sensory Garden, even if it's not quite the one I envisaged. 

I have taken some photos but I don't know how to share them on this machine, but wish me luck with my seedlings.

Take care and speak soon x

Scared to start all over again!

Hello everyone,

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bit fed up at the moment. I know that everyone is sick of being at home, sick of not having anything to look forward too, no where to go and no one to see, it's been such hard work for people, especially if you are living on your own and you're used to being sociable. 

I've been lucky that I've been able to go to work, even if some days have been completely ridiculous, and some people refuse to follow the rules...but I've still had some kind of routine, still had the opportunity to talk to different people, my mind has still been busy, meaning that I'm quite happy to stay home on my days off.

Once again though, when I feel like I'm totally at my best, I'm knocked completely off my feet. I've had a weekend from hell really. 

I don't enjoy this time of year anyway, I lost my Dad in February and we buried him on Valentine's day, and although that was a long 24 years ago, when it comes to the anniversary it all becomes as raw as it was just yesterday. 

So, I'm grumpy, yesterday I took myself and Ralph off for a long was walk over the fields. It's one of my learnt routes, but I've not been waking that way because it's been so wet and muddy, but since the snow and freezing temperatures, my sister told me that the route had completely dried up, so off I go, only it was so cold and windy, I spent more time avoiding other dog walkers and dodging the massive puddles of ice all over the tracks. 

So, I'm miles away stomping around this field, when I realise everyone else's dogs have coats on and the wind feels like -5, I finally pull my head out of 24 year old memories and notice my poor boy is not enjoying his walk at all, the wind is pushing him in all directions and it's so bloody cold. 

So, I stop..he stops, looking up at me, for a second I considered picking him up and tucking him in my coat, but Im not sure he would have been much warmer, plus he is too bloody heavy to carry. 

So, I say to him, hey boy, are you cold? You wanna go home?

The little bugger does no more than turn around and starts running home, so there I am trying my hardest to run against the wind while trying to watch my footing so I don't end up flat on my face, and praying that he stops before he reaches the road. 

I'm calling and calling him, he kept glancing behind him, but he was like...nooooo wayyyy lady, I'm on my way home, where it's warm, I can curl up in my favourite place on the sofa, and maybe I can get someone to give me a treat and then put one of those really fluffy blankets over me that they keep over the back of the sofas!!

Then, just as I thought I needed to call for help, it happened...around the corner comes this really tall man, with two huge dogs on leads, Ralph literally skids to a stop, turns around and starts legging it back towards me, he runs between my legs and sits behind me, which is his sign for, please could I have my lead on because I don't feel safe! ....SAFE, you little bugger!!! So, I calmly put him on his lead, and have a little chat with the tall man and his soppy soft dogs, and home we marched.

Ralph was so happy to be home, he ran around all the rooms checking everything was where he left it, and then curled up on the sofa all comfy, but he kept his eye on me for the rest of the day just in case I decided to take him out again at some point.

Lucky for Ralphie, I had to go food shopping. Daughter number two said she would take me, so off we set....Saturday afternoon shopping in Tesco.....WHAT could possibly go wrong???? 

We turn into the carpark, and it's rammed, the only parking that was fairly empty was disabled parking...where was my blue badge??? Still sitting on my kitchen table....so we drive round and round until we find a space, by which time it was starting to get dark, we had to park at the end of the carpark, but that meant I had to navigate the moving cars and people in the carpark.

Never mind, Daughter is on hand to assist....so we get a trolley, wait for the lights above the door to go green and off we go.....only, someone somewhere probably sat behind a big fat desk, has decided that Tesco needs a refurb.....literally NOTHING was where it usually is, there were people leaning over people to get to produce, it was complete carnage. At first it was ok, the daughter and I took our time and wondered around trying to avoid getting to close to other people. 

I thought I was doing soooo well, then it the delightful black cloud of anxiety and panic started to envelope me, it came from nowhere, I couldn't stop it and I couldn't find a safe place, I wanted to curl up and cry. Fighting the tears back, the daughter springs into action, leaving me wedged in between the bread counter and a seasonal free standing table thingy, she grabs the shopping list from me and runs around finishing the last few bits of shopping. I'm standing there trying to calm my breathing with burning hot tears streaming down my face, I can't see the other customers but I know they're looking at me, but I don't care, I just want to die! And I'm not joking, I just wanted the black to envelope me, and I could wake up in a different place, that place would be at home, in my bedroom, tucked up in bed, nice and safe. 

But I was still standing in the middle of Tesco, sobbing like a baby. Daughter then marches me and the trolley full of shopping to the scan as you go checkout, we pay and before I know it, I'm safely sitting in the car, still trying desperately to calm my breathing, all the drive home I'm still sobbing, it just won't stop, the minute I saw my other half, the flood gates really opened and I ended up snotting all over his jumper, tears of relief to be home, and tears of annoyance that this had happened out of nowhere. 

It took me a very long glass of wine and a nice smelling candle before I calmed down completely, and then I was exhausted, totally drained of any more emotion.

Why did this happen again? I've not had a panic attack for months and months, this was big. I'm scared about how I will manage when lock down is over and Covid is under control, how long will it take me to readjust to normality. This is going to mean starting from the beginning, right back to learning to go out on my own again, learning coping mechanisms, using my cane. I've had a lot of time to think about this today, on my long walk this morning , I remembered to put Ralph's big coat on him and fill my pockets with treats.....but, in my mind I think I've straightened things out, I know I'm going to have to start all over, on the positive side I've done it before so I can do it again. It's frustrating, but lots of people will be in the same boat, I just hope they have the strength to start over, it's so scary, I feel like I've been hit by a bus today, but I think if I know there a problem I can deal with it, not knowing there's a problem, becomes a problem. 

Tomorrow is a new day, again, I count myself lucky to have so many people around me who will help and support me, so many people who love me. So, although I felt like I took one hundred steps backwards yesterday, today I took five hundred steps forward.

Speak soon my friends, stay safe xx

Being brave

Sometimes I am brave, so brave I forget myself! I stand up for what I know is right, even if that means putting myself in the firing line. I become sighted me, confident and brave. Last year, made me stronger and braver than ever. The beginning of the year found me starting my new full time role, at times I felt like I was slow and became frustrated, but looking back, I am proud of how quickly I learnt the role, then suddenly Covid came along, and my colleague and I were thrown in the deep end, with a shop to run, rules to follow and fellow colleagues and customers to keep safe.

But we did it, I know I changed into someone who could do anything, even when a huge cage of booze fell off the back of a delivery lorry and squashed me under it, I wasn't stopped, well, ok maybe for a couple of days, bed rest doesn't suit me at all, and despite the hospital telling me I needed to take it easy and relax for a few weeks, I was back supporting my colleagues within a couple of days, it wasn't easy, I got tired quickly, I couldn't walk too well, and the exercises the doctor gave me bloody hurt, but I did them, and I'm glad I did, or I think I'd be in trouble in as I get older, and my muscles get older.

I've met some incredible people that I wouldn't have met if it hadn't been for Covid, colleagues from all over the Tesco family, and our Temps, who came from walks of life where even in their wildest dreams they would never have imagined themselves filling shelves, manning the door and restricting the amount of loo roll, eggs, flour, pasta and baked beans customers could buy, they became family too. I've formed bonds with colleagues that will never break wherever we find ourselves in the future. we have all kept each other going, looked after and trust each other. 

If I had to choose where and who I had to experience Covid, it would with these guys, in our little shop.

I've become a champion in my stock control role and have been recognised as a champion for people with disabilities.

In September, I joined Stepvember with RNIB, I was part of a small team of six for east of england, and competed against two other teams from different region's, I used the step counter on my phone, stuck it my pocket and started walking, by the end of the month, my team and I had completely knocked it out of the park, and we beat the other teams by miles!!! 

So, can you see how I might think I am brave? 

Today I don't feel brave, today I remember who I am, last week I lost my little magnifier that I keep in my pocket at work, I was completely screwed, I keep a bigger one in my bag, but it's not strong enough to give me the magnification I need, I spent the whole shift relying on my colleagues for help or trying my hardest to manage with the larger magnifier, I was exhausted where my little brain was trying to make some sense out of what I was trying to see. 

I'm not sure the people around me fully understand the devastating effect this had on me, YES, I had lost a tiny bit of plastic on the end of some string, but that tiny bit of plastic is my life, it's my independence, my confidence, my ability.

Without this I am nothing, I am reminded that I am disabled, my belief in myself just melts away, and I am left feeling useless, vulnerable, frustrated and full of heart wrenching grief because I know one day my tiny bit of plastic won't help me anymore.

As nearly all the shops are shut, and I am ensuring I stick to the Covid rules, I ordered a new magnifier from Amazon on next day delivery, God only knows what I clicked on because what arrived wasn't what I was expecting, I am now the proud owner of a massive, heavy, glass magnifier with a bright green handle, and a lovely long tie thingy so I can wear it around my neck.  

I think I'd do myself or someone else a injury with that swinging around my neck all day. 

I was proper sad, the one I lost was a really old one that Grandad Jack had given me years and years ago, I remember saying thank you, chucking it in the bottom of my handbag, thinking, bloody hell, I'm not using something that makes me look like a pensioner....how very wrong was I?? That object had become my best friend, and tiny plastic comfort blanket.

Then, someone found it!! I'd dropped it at work! I was so happy, but this has highlighted a little problem, it seems I've definitely lost a little more vision, if I go running up to Moorfields they will only confirm what I already know. 

So, I've done the very next best thing, and contacted my RNIB hero for help, fingers crossed there will be some little pocket size had held device I can rely on to keep me going, I'm not ready to stop doing what I'm doing...yet!

I'll let you know what treasures, if any, they send me, but, for now, a very happy and healthy new year to you all. Stay safe and follow the rules xx

Feeling privileged

Hello everyone,

I hope everyone is staying safe and well. I have a mixture of feeling lucky that I've managed to get this far with out catching this cranky virus and worried about how hard it's going to hit when it moves into my house!

I been trying to keep things as normal as possible, so I've been attending a living with sight loss course, I probably mentioned it last time, it was a six week telephone conference call meeting type thing....I literally hated every single moment of it, I'm not really sure why. 

It sound ridiculous but since loosing a lot of my sight, I have become this, blind person who has to do everything at break neck speed, I hate making mistakes, I hate other people thinking I'm less able to do something because I've got crappy sight, and I really really hate feeling that I have failed. Failure is not an option! So listening to someone telling me all about the things on offer for blind folks like me, was a real struggle. This sort of course is absolutely fantastic for people at the start of their sight loss journey, but I found it very depressing, I was either in a foul mood or crying my eyes out after each session. 

I am fully aware of what my sight loss future holds, I am realistic, but I certainly do not intend to slow down any time soon, I'm not going to be sitting at home thinking about all the things I find difficult or can no longer do, yes I find some stuff tricky, but just because I find it tricky, it doesn't mean im not going to do it.

I've done ridiculous things, the other day I decided to get on with the massive pile of ironing which was sitting looking at me, so I happily got the iron and ironing board out, parked it in front of the TV and tuned into a lovely episode of mid summer murders, and cracked on, I was just getting to the last few bits when I realised that I hadn't even plugged the bloody iron in! I was just ironing away with a cold unplugged iron, I mean, what the actual fudge! I looked at the big pile of neatly folded piles of clothes, and thought crap, I've got to iron this lot again! Then, I thought, naaa, no-one will notice, and I took the clothes to their owners bedroom and hoped they didn't notice!

I trip over, I bump into things, but it just makes me more determined not to do it again. 

The first time I went to restock one of the fridges at work, I found the glass sliding doors a bit of a challenge, I was rushing to make out I was wayyyy cool and could fill the fridges just as quickly as my sighted colleagues, when DONK, yep, I'm trying to fill the shelf with the door still shut, but this doesn't stop me, I have learnt not to try to keep up with everyone, and cop a feel of the glass sliding doors before I try to throw four ready made lasagna on the shelf! Another thing I've learnt, is to make sure those dam glass doors are locked open before filling the shelves, cos they can do a sneaky slide shut thing without me noticing....which also can result in a bit of a mess, or me face planting the glass. 

Someone once said I am a fast learner, I'm not, I just don't make the same mistake twice and I look for a way around something I find difficult or I can't do.

I am irritated by people who don't have the same mind set as me, but that's my problem not theirs, I find it difficult to understand why you wouldn't find ways to move forward. 

You know the thing I really love? Weather! I love to see the sky changing, it doesn't matter what the weather is like, I just love it, the other morning on the way to work, the sun was trying to get up, there was heavy low fog, and the sky was coloured pinks, purples and blues, it was  blooming fantastic. The reason for this is because, I don't know when the last time I might see the sky is, it doesn't make me sad at all, it makes me feel like I am privileged to see the things that everyone takes for granted. 

I haven't been effected by either of the lockdowns....yet....but I would kind of like a few weeks at home, I feel the need to create, make something, do some drawing, cook something nice, but best of all enjoy autumn, Autumn has to be the most beautiful season of the year, and I'm ready to get my boots on, buy my lil fella a new little coat....I saw wellies for dogs in the shop the other month, but I think Ralph would eat them....and get out there in the countryside and fill my head with all the sights......oh and I need to put the Christmas tree up, cos I LOVE Christmas lights.

Speak soon and stay safe xx

Living with sight loss

 Well, that was a bloody nightmare!! I hope you guys are all staying safe and well out there?

My poor old laptop did some kind of an update, it cleared all my emails and set it back to factory settings, which would have been fine if I had remembered all the passwords and email addresses, it took me ages to work out what went with what, then I finally got it sorted and managed to write one blog, and then my poor old laptop went off to the laptop heaven in the sky, leaving me gutted that I couldn't share my daily disasters with you.

I've had such a rubbish couple of days and needed to rant off at whoever would listen, so it's taken me hours, but I have finally transfered and downloaded blogger and all the necessary crap  it takes in order for me to speak to you through my little tablet. Typing takes forever, and I definitely prefer a actual keyboard, but you know what they say...beggars can't be choosers.

Now I've explained myself, I will fill you in a little, yesterday, I had my very first 'living with sight loss' session, there's six in all, spread over six weeks. Because of our current situation with covid-19, the meetings are held over conference call, there's six of us (I think) and a moderator. The sessions are ninety minutes long, now, the last seven months have kept me extremely busy, I'm occasionally frustrated by the fact that my sight slows me down, but overall, it's been feed the nation, go home, go to bed and go back to feeding the nation, days off consist of trying to feed my own small nation, walking Ralph and trying my hardest, and failing, to keep up with the housework.

Then, I had a little accident at work which stopped me in my tracks for a few days, to be fair, it probably should have stopped me in my tracks for longer than a few days, but, as you all know, I'm not one for sitting around when there's work to be done. 

Physically, it took me a while to get my mojo back, but mentally, it's taken me much longer. Then I found a little lump on my chest, after agonising about it for a week, I finally called my local JP, who was like...yeahhhh, email me a photo..(which I did, BUT I was very careful to ensure the photo contained less chest and more of my chins, just in case the photo found itself wondering around the internet) they sent me some cream and told me to phone back for another phone consultation in two weeks if it hasn't gone by then, don't ask me how the doctor decided I just needed some cream, when he hasn't actually looked at it, but I can tell you now, if this turns out to be something nasty, my doctor won't need to worry about covid-19, he is gonna need to look out for a blind lady and her cane, I'm gonna be after his ankles!!

All this has messed with the magical balance that makes me ME, so, the powers that be suggest I take a living with sight loss' course. 

Now don't get me wrong, these courses are bloody fantastic, and they help so many people on this bitch of a journey that comes with loosing ones sight, however, I am not very good at being blind, I don't like talking about it, and would happily ignore it as much as I can, I find ways of overcoming hurdles and just get on with it. 

This, was real, real people struggling with the cards life has dealt them, I listened carefully to each one of them introduce themselves and talk about their conditions, as I listened I realised, I don't have one condition, I have all the conditions that they have, every single one had a different story and condition, so by the time it got to my turn to introduce myself, I simply said my name, the area I live in and that I was born shorted sighted! A bloody total lie, but I just couldn't talk about it, I didn't want to share all the stuff I've been through all over again, one person was saying he had two injections of Avastin and seemed proper proud, mate, I had six, six bloody injections before I heamorrhaged, I know it's not a competition but it just felt like I'd forgotten or ignored everything, then it all came rushing back, years of stuff all in 90 minutes.

I didn't really have time to process it properly as I went straight to work afterwards, and all I did was cry, a nine hour shift spent trying to hind my tears with my mask, not daring to use a tissue for my runny nose, just when I thought there were no more tears to come, I cried again! 

By the time I crawled into my bed I was in a proper grumpy mood, and I was no better this morning, I woke up with all the thoughts still heavy on my mind and I've spent all morning feeling sorry for myself. 

I tried to drag myself back up, had a nice hot bath and washed my hair, took Ralphie for a walk, the sun has been out all day, so when My eldest went off to work, I decided I would go with her into town, have a look around the shops, go into Asda, get something for tea and catch the train home. 

The minute we pulled into the car park I knew I'd made a mistake, Asda at the best of times is awful, the local schools had already emptied out straight into Asda, so I did a very quick trip around Marks and Spencer, and promised my eldest that I would take a nice half hour stroll to the train station and go straight home. 

There I am enjoying nosing at everyone's front gardens, when the first drop of rain splattered on my forehead, literally, within three minutes it was absolutely pouring,  instantly my mood began to lift, I dunno why I find these situations so funny, by the time I got to the station my socks were as wet as my shoes, and I was smiling to myself as I squweltched my way to the ticket office, only to find it was shut, I looked around for help, and saw a  young man with a fag hanging out of his mouth and a can of special brew in his hand and decided I'd take my chances without a ticket, mask back on I got on the train ticketless! 

My stop is only the next one along the line, and for some reason I expected the sun to still be shining, how wrong was I! I got off the train straight into a full on thunderstorm, by the time I had my key in my front door, even my pants were wet, but it felt bloody great, my mood had lifted. I walked in and Ralph took one look at me, literally shook his head, walked away and sat on the sofa, watching me peel off my wet clothes from a safe distance.

I will go back for my second meeting next week, but I will try to remember that everyone's experiences are different and everyone copes differently with those experiences. I've been lucky to have had diary of a blind lady as my outlet, I've talked through all my thoughts and emotions with you guys, and if this is going to prepare me for the future then this can only be a good thing. I will try not to get upset, but if it does, let's hope rain is forecast for next week too.

Speak soon xx 

Brain Power

Back again..😁

The thing I love most about writing this blog is the amount of people it reaches, Its not as many as it used to be due to my inconsistency, but life very often gets in the way, and its hard to balance and prioritise.

This week I've had a little 'Step up' in my role, and it has meant that I have spent a lot of time today doing things like filing, checking numbers and figures all match up. I had forgotten how tired it makes me feel doing something a little bit different, its a bit frustrating that my heart says...hell yeah, I have every faith in myself to do a good job, but my brain says...errrrr, what the hell do you think you are doing woman, this is NOT our usual routine, now I am going to have to remember all this new stuff, process it and then bring it to the front of your mind in a way which your eyes will let you see it next time you go to use it, so therefore, when you have finished work I strongly suggest you go home and have a tantrum because no one has washed up, trip over the dog because he was way too excited to see you after ten hours out of the house, then you should cry your eyes out because you have no idea what to cook for tea, then you should shut yourself in the bathroom because no-one can reach you in there and fall asleep on the loo!

Of course, I always do exactly what my brain tells me, so now after having a hot bath and curling up on the sofa with a blanket, I have had a nap, and have woken up to my brain forgiving me after giving it such a shock.

My strength comes from talking to people who experience similar difficulties, because suddenly I know I am not alone, and I can be kinder to myself knowing that this sort of exhaustion comes from having a sight impediment and that when my brain says STOP I have to do what I am told, otherwise I will either completely burn myself out or turn green, bust out of my shirt and jeans, and scream so loudly I'd send the earth moving for miles!

So, this evening I was thinking of some of the people who I have met through RNIB, if I was allowed, I would write a book about all the people I have met, write about their stories and the people they have become, there is nothing quite like being told you are going to loose your sight and everyone moves forward in different ways.

One lady who lives on her own with her Guide dog, has the most fantastic sense of humour, I've only met her a couple of times but she is fab!

Then there is a lady I shared my 4x4 experience with and a couple of ladies who read my blogs, all these people have stories, journeys and ways of coping with the way their lives have changed.

Its easy to want to cut ties with everything 'blind' and pretend everything is 'normal' but normal doesn't always understand me, and actually these people form a family, it doesn't matter what the problem is, there is always someone to connect with, someone will offer guidance and support in such a way that speaking with your nearest and dearest doesn't always get the right result.

I've been talking to people about their lock own experiences, I think I've been a little self-centred when it comes to lock down, its been very hard working, but when I actually think about it, the very worst thing that has happened to me over the last three months is my dish washer broke...yup, middle of March the bloody thing packed up, and I felt like there would be no chance of getting someone out to fix it, and I didn't think there would be much point in ordering a new one either, so I brought some rubber gloves and washing up liquid and cracked on with it. After about three weeks, every time I said I was doing to do the washing up, one of the daughters jumped up and said...I'll do it Mum! At first I thought, ahhhh that's lovely, My girls want to help me, then about five weeks ago, I was on the phone to my Mum, telling her all about my wonderful young ladies, and Mum sighs, and says...Lynda, That's because you're crap at washing up!! 

Oh, well that burst my bubble, when I got off the phone, I collected my beloved daughters in the kitchen, sat them down and asked what they thought of my washing up....silence for a few minutes, and then youngest says...errrr Mum you are proper crap at washing up...please can we order a new dish washer??? Eldest is rolling around on the kitchen floor laughing...for a split second I was offended, then youngest says, well, you are only crap because you cant see, if you could see you'd be great at it, but please please please can we order a new one. 

So, last week while I was safely out the way at work, a new dish washer was delivered, the old one removed and the new one installed.

The only thing is, its all singing and dancing, all I want it do is to fill it and press go...this asks you about twenty different questions before it will start, and its so bloody quiet I keep having to check that its not broken, its going to take me another three months to get used to it!!

My brain is telling me I'm tired again, so I'm off to bed, speak soon and stay safe xx