So, this was at the end of a dog walk with my Daughter, Ralph and one of the dogs she was looking after. As we crossed the bridge the sun was setting and the sky was a magnificent colour, we stood on the bridge for a few minutes just watching one of life's naturally beautiful scenes. It looks darker in this photo than it actually was, the air was warm and there were swans swimming up the river, we were talking about how fantastic nature is and as we turned to walk back to the car it hit me. Like a cold hand slapped hard across my face, What if I never see another sight like this again? How will I cope? I want to see these things. Panic began to overwhelm me and I began to cry, big fat silent tears rolling down my podgy cheeks. I felt so sad, I don't want to miss the things there are to see.
That evening has stayed with me ever since, it is always at the back of my mind that it could be the last time that I actually see particular thing. It has made me really sad and I think about it a lot. That is until this week when I went to cognitive behaviour therapy. Now, earlier in the week my partner and I had chatted about it and he said I should stop worrying about what might happen because I am missing what is happening now.
But at my first CBT session that should have been 50 minutes long and I was still in there 80 minutes later, one of the issues that were addressed was the amount of worrying I do. I was shown in a very clear manner that worrying is a complete waste of time and energy. We all do it, but what's the point in it? It makes us feel sick, we cant concentrate, we get cranky and moody, so why do we do it? Why do we let ourselves become so completely focused on worrying about something that everything else passes us by? Some people are programmed to worry more than others, or so you would think, but since my session I have been looking at things differently. Its no good saying life isn't as easy as not worrying, because actually it is! AND not worrying doesn't mean you don't care, it means you have the confidence to deal with what happens with the problem. You see, take the problem.....think about the thing that is worrying you....can you do anything about it...(from here things can go two ways)....YES, I can do something about it....so bloody well get off your arse and do something about it then...OR NO there is nothing I can to about the thing which is worrying me, SO if you cant do anything about it WTF are you worrying about it for??
I don't want you all to sit there reading this and saying ohhh IF ONLY IT WAS THAT EASY...it is that easy.
There is nothing I can do about the possibility of never seeing a beautiful sight as in that photo again, but there is fudge all that can be done about that, and the sooner I stop worrying about that the sooner I will be able to enjoy what is going on around me.
Retraining the way we think is huge, and will only work if you want it too, no one is going to do it for you, you have to work it yourself. I do feel that a weight has been lifted, and I have been approaching the things that worry me differently. It doesn't mean that I don't worry about them, it means as soon as I realise something is worrying me I mentally put it in a category of yes I will deal with it, nope theres nothing I can do so bugger off out of my head until there is something I can do about it.
For example...I got a problem with my council tax, they sent me a bill for £700, I cant afford to pay it, I have been worrying myself stupid over it, can I do anything about it? YES, ring them and tell them I cant pay it, they have sorted out a repayment plan for me, job done, sorted. Being prepared for loosing more of the sight I have is a different matter, but with the same out come, I literally cannot do anything about it, so each day I Open my eyes and the sight hasn't got worse is a blessing, I know it will get worse but worrying about it is a complete waste of precious time.
Hope you all have a lovely weekend xx
Wise words!
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