What a difference a week makes eh? I have so much to tell you, I may need to post twice!
Last Friday when I last posted I wasn't feeling quite myself, I had niggling toothache, and as we went through Friday night it got worse, I had been taking two Paracetamol and two Ibuprofen together every four hours throughout the day on Friday but as night came (and why does pain get worse at night, when there is bugger all you can do about it), I was taking them every two hours.
I didn't sleep at all Friday night, and took myself to the chemist Saturday morning and asked for the strongest painkillers they could sell over the counter.
Nurofen plus, no other painkillers to be taken with them, only six or eight to be taken in 24 hours and only take them for three days as they can become addictive.
I don't care and took two while I was in the chemist in order to get me home on the bus without murdering someone or smashing my face against a wall.
By now these odd white spots had appeared on my red and swollen cheek and I felt like poo.
At home the new painkillers were working for just over two hours, but then I was crying with pain again, so I started to take paracetamol with them, this did the trick and I spent all afternoon sitting on the sofa with a hot water bottle pressed to my face and a glazed look in my eyes. (by the way, NEVER use a hot water bottle for tooth ache, apparently it makes the pain worse!)
Saturday night nothing was touching it and I was literally taking every single painkiller I could find in the house and rubbing anything I could find in our medicine draw on my teeth and gums from Bonjela to Vicks vapour rub, I wanted to die.
Sunday I caved in and after not being able to eat, the swelling and pain much worse, I went to the emergency dentist, as soon as he numbed my mouth it was heaven, he took out a manky filling packed it with a dressing and sent me home with the promise of no more pain and a good nights sleep...and oh don't take any more painkillers, perfect, until the numbness wore off, then the throbbing pain I had been having over the last two days turned into something I can only describe as white shearing pain, with the warning of no more painkillers as I had already over dosed quite significantly, I really wanted to die, I sat crying and rocking and swearing and rocking and crying some more!
By now the dentist had closed so I was bundled into the car and taken to my nearest A&E, I truly have no idea what happened there, only that after being booked in and the treyarch nurse took my vitals, I was rushed straight past all the waiting public and into a tiny waiting room, where I was given more painkillers and a massive shot of morphine, the morphine still didn't touch the pain but these little tiny codeine pills were fab. forty minutes later I was on the way back home, so drugged up that I couldn't do anything but sleep!
Monday I woke and realised I couldn't talk, hey everyone's happy!!
But the pain was still there, but not as bad as it was, so off I trundle to the dentist who says, 'ohhhh you've got a massive infection under that tooth'........NO S**T.
Start antibiotics immediately but if the swelling doesn't go down within 24 hours you will need to go into hospital and have them through a drip, sod off love, and I took two of my three times a day for five days antibiotics in the middle of the chemist, went home and slept for the rest of the day, by Wednesday I was back to my usual bossy self.
I understand the dentist was concerned because the swelling in my cheek was so bad that it had started to affect my good eye, and for once in my life I actually did as I was told and rested.
I have to go back to the dentist in a week and have three manky teeth removed, I cant wait, the thought of ever having pain like that again scares me to death, I would rather have given birth to 10 10lb babies! Tooth ache and ear ache, the worst pain EVER!!
Yesterday our dear friends from Woodbridge came to visit, they met us in town and we went to lunch, I had a lovely noodle and chicken salad at TGI Fridays, and was really enjoying it until a lump of my bad tooth fell off, I have been waiting for the tooth ache pain to return ever since, fingers crossed I can get to the dentist before it starts!
We have known our friends from Woodbridge for many years, it feels like I have known them all my life, we don't really gossip, we talk about real life and deep shit.
We put the world to rights (our rights that is!!) and openly discuss matters and situations that you usually keep tucked away in the back of your mind. I love that you can disagree with out a argument or throw a different view into the pot and it is considered instead of poo pooed.
Yesterday we talked about trust.
I don't know what is happening to me but I feel I am changing and the way I look at the world and the people in it is also changing.
Before I got wiped out with the tooth ache, (that's how I know it wasn't the drugs) I was walking Ralph, it was windy and he had decided that a leaf blowing in the wind needed a good seeing to and I stood and watched him chasing it, every now and then he would stop and check I was still there, run up to me then dart away again as the leaf moved, then a man started to walk towards me, Ralph was instantly by my side hiding behind my legs, the man walked on past and didn't even make eye contact (well, I don't think he did, he certainly didn't speak). Ralph then ran off to continue his frolicking with his new best friend, leaf!
I watched the man walk away, Then I realised that Ralph wasn't protecting or guarding me from the man, he was looking for me to protect him. How does a dog know who to trust?
I was still watching the man, thinking, we are all made the same, our bodies are all made the same initially, to a animal we are all humans, so how do they know that a stranger is not to be trusted when we as humans cant figure out that some of the people we know aren't to be trusted?
My friends and I did a little test, so, how many people over the 50 odd years of their lives do they feel they can actually trust with anything, I mean really trust, deep, dark full on trust....seven, seven people over the years, mine was eight. How many people over the years did you think you could trust but they let you down....far too many to count.
Isn't that sad? These are normal high functioning adults with impeccable social skills.
SO, who do people like me trust? who do the vulnerable people trust?
You might trust your next door neighbour to put your bin out on collection day, but how does a person with a disability know that some one is giving them advice because they have their best interests at heart and not because you make a fabulous statistic.
Maybe I have too much time on my hands and think too much, sometimes I feel that we are too advanced for our time, we are running around gathering as much money as we can, to provide a 'better' life, but a 'better' life never comes, because next door gets a new car so you have to go get one, all the time we are becoming more and more selfish and less considerate to the needs of others around us, and our expectations of what our lives should be like are beyond our reach, so we become disrespectful, disrespectful of the need to trust and be trusted.
I wish I was more like Ralph and have the ability to identify the untrustworthy people I meet, but that would be all too easy, humans have to learn the hard way, people with disabilities shouldn't have to wonder who to trust, there should be a 'body' of trust, and I know there are organisations out there who provide that, but they are massively over stretched, and people fall through the net, this shouldn't be happening in this day and age...but it is.
I now have absolutely no idea what I am rambling on about, and I need the loo, so I will go and get on with Sunday, and I hope this blog is not too long and boring for you.
As usual, I leave you with a photo of Ralph feeling the need to sleep with his blanket right behind me as I did the ironing, not one of his better plans!
Speak soon xx
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